I still remember the day I dumped you.
How could I forget? So fresh, the scars still shine, my first boyfriend – gone. I still remember the email I forced myself to write, knowing I could never love you like I used to. I was on holiday, in Down Under – having the best fucking time of my life.
I didn't want to be tied down, I didn't want you to be all alone waiting for me. I couldn't take the yearning to hold you anymore – so I sent that damn email.
One click was all it took.
I remember asking Nathan, my best friend, ex crush and confidante if it was right and he convinced me I was.
His words: 'Sarah you did the right thing. It was all written beautifully.'
And I believed him.
So when you replied telling me everything was fine, a wave of relief washed through my body. I could finally relax, I didn't have to commit myself any more. I could be free, single, like as many hot guys as I wanted.
And I did.
I fell for Chris, one of my many Australian guy friends. Of course he just had to have a girlfriend who was beautiful and yes, they suited each other. But I didn't care – he was gorgeous, smart, flirty...
In other words, a total distraction. I loved it, having a guy I had feeling for hugging me. Another guy who I saw much more often telling me that I'm beautiful and how awesome I was. Yes – true happiness.
But then like all holidays, that dream ended much too soon.
I tearfully waved goodbye to all my friends, promising that I would see them all again in the near future, arriving in England once more.
And England means seeing you again.
Just one look and I was yours again. Those unwanted butterflies tugging at my heart – I didn't want this, didn't need this. I wanted that Australian boy, he was such a beautiful distraction. But you just drive me absolutely crazy, beyond comprehension.
How can I say those words to you again? I can never meet you again, not like this – I'll lose control, I'll ache for those three poisonous words to escape my lips.
I love you.
But I can't – I can't love you. Not now, not ever. I lost my chance all those months ago, I can't...yet I still do. It's horrible, even admitting it to your best friend. The shock in his eyes, I knew what he was thinking: Why did you dump him for?
I have to admit it to myself now, an emotion running so deep inside me. I still the words he once uttered so long ago:
'I wish I could be with you now and I've even been without sleep because I thought about you.
You are the only thing that I would drop anything for and be with every day if I could...'
God I wish that could be true now.
This is the way I am – alone, single and without you.
There's only three words for you.
I love you.
A/N: This is actually a real life story – I used real names and everything = p So yeah please review! :D