I'm In the Middle

/

\

/

\

.

Hey. I'm Kaitlyn. I'm doing awesome right now in school and everything. I've got a boyfriend, Danny, and he's adorable, but that's not the reason why I'm writing today. I mean, I don't even need to make introductions in my own journal… anyway, I'm Kaitlyn, and I've got something to say.

I guess it's about my best friend Hayley. We've known each other since 3rd grade. She was cool and everything, and I guess we liked the same things. Hayley was transferring in from a public school, Wilery Way or something, I can't remember, and she only knew Danielle, this bitch of a girl. Of course, Danielle became territorial when Hayley and I became friends. 4th and 5th grade wasn't much fun. Then middle school hit, and Hayley and Danielle went to some Marianist Catholic school across town, and I went to a regular Catholic school with crazy teachers and a weird PE class. It wasn't all bad, I guess. I met this guy named Pearce, and I was obsessed with him for awhile, but then I met Danny, and well… that's a story for another day. Anyways, Hayley and I kept in touch, had sleepovers, went to the mall, yadda yadda ya. She even came to my school's Halloween Hop and met everyone. It was fun.

But then Hayley discovered boys. In sixth grade, it wasn't as much of a problem. Actually, from middle school until high school, boys were never really a big part of Hayley's life. But she had this huge crush on this one boy named Taylor. I met him in sixth grade, then again in seventh, and I can't remember if I saw him in eighth, but whatever. He was tall, so cute with blue eyes, a perfect nose, and the same color hair as Hayley. Man, she loved him. Not really, but one time she said that and it was hard to keep from laughing because kids as young as 12 don't find true love. Romeo and Juliet did, but that was more symbolic than realistic.

Anyway, I think Hayley met Josh in high school. Yeh, ninth grade. Hmm, let's see. Hayley didn't really talk about him at first. I had to pry the information out of her because apparently she got mad at me after she figured out that Taylor and she wouldn't ever work out in eighth grade. But I eventually got the stuff I wanted out of her, 'cause I'm cool like that. Ha. Okay, so she liked this kid named Josh. She and Kathleen (that bitch!) had been sitting with him and Elizabeth's group. How the hell Hayley figured out that Elizabeth could somehow be her friend, I will never know. She knew I hated Elizabeth for being such a slutty bitch from the time we were three. Man, it felt like betrayal! Whatever, it doesn't matter now because they've gone their separate ways. Okay, back to what I was saying. So Hayley was sitting with Elizabeth and crew, and I guess that became the new hangout. Ugh, whatever. Hayley occasionally talked about Josh to me. And then, I think in second semester, they went out! I was completely dumbfounded by it. I mean, Hayley's pretty and everything… but Josh was a skater. And she hates skaters. She should go for the tall, dark, and brooding type with at least a tad bit of intelligence to match her own. Like Prince Zuko in Avatar: The Last Airbender, or that Jess guy from Gilmore Girls. Yeh, Jess. I can see Hayley with a guy like that. Jess… hottie. Okay, anyway! Yeh, they went out, and I think Hayley slept over the day she got asked out because I distinctly remember that she said she was going to a party where she'd meet up with Josh the next day. Yeh, I learned the details soon after that. They sat in the hot tub, playing footsie. I mean, there's nothing wrong with it, 'cause I played footsie with Danny too. But there was something about Hayley that didn't make sense. She was in uncharted territory it seemed, and she kind of just went along with whatever Josh wanted to do. I bet the footsie thing in the hot tub was Josh's idea as well. Hayley was a romantic, a hopeless romantic because she was a Zutarian, but… just picturing her doing the things that she read about… it wasn't Hayley that year. She had gone from sweet, innocent Hayley Lauren to mean, bitch-tastic, gimme gimme wanty wanty Hayley. Just Hayley. Not smart, compassionate, INNOCENT Hayley. Just… Hayley.

On the following Thursday, she told me that she had broken up with Josh the previous day. What the hell, I thought. She had been completely smug about him for awhile, but I guess things just didn't work out. Hayley told me that he had been advertising their relationship everywhere on the internet, and she wasn't cool with all the attention she was suddenly getting. In fact, she said one girl, Jasmine, had come up to her and made a whole big deal out of her dating Josh. And then there was Keirra, Elizabeth's best friend. Keirra was an orchestrator behind Hayley and Josh's whole get-together, but apparently Keirra liked Josh too. Just before Hayley broke up with Josh, Keirra had threatened her and demanded her to stay with Josh because he needed someone, which seems completely bipolar now that I think about it. Hayley told me that she wasn't ready to take on that obligation. Hence the break up.

I remember the next weekend, Hayley was over again and we were emailing Josh. Hayley was on the offensive, and it was my first time talking to Josh. He seemed like a nice person. But then again, that's what Hayley said made her attracted to him. He seemed like a nice person. Of course, Hayley was probably just a little… I don't know. Frankly, it didn't seem very fair on her part to be so mean to him. She was the one who dumped him… but then again, Josh had a bad reaction. And I distinctly remember how Hayley became even more outraged when she found out she was Girlfriend # 11. Wow. Haha. Never mind. So yeh, Josh and I talked, got to know one another, and we eventually began emailing regularly.

Hayley got darker and moodier and bitchier. Not to me, because I think she filtered her thoughts when she talked to me, but the way she'd describe everyone else around her made me think that they didn't like where she was going. Kathleen had issues I guess, which I found out later had to do with abuse and drugs, or something like that. Gabby was nice, I've only met her once, but Hayley would always say how Gabby would be a great mother. I think so too.

And then Hayley started dating Austin. They met through fencing. Hayley started fencing for her school because her neighbor, Dominic, was on the team. So was Gabby. At first, Hayley hated Austin because of his brutality and dry humor. I think he's a douche bag and an ass because when I first met him, he had no respect for me. Ugh. Anyway, Hayley told me that they talked every night through email and on the phone, but never at school because Austin was the grade above her and their school didn't exactly like older people dating younger people. Sounds stupid. So, Austin had a girlfriend who he was absolutely in love with, but he wasn't sure if she loved him. He worried so much about that, and Hayley would just start crying because she thought that no matter what she said to him, he would always take what Sara said over what Hayley said into higher account. I watched her break. Then, Austin and Sara broke up, and Hayley focused all her attention on Austin. She told me that they really only talked about him, so she had no one to talk to about Josh, except me of course, but even so, she was apprehensive with me because I think Austin took my place as a best friend forever with Hayley. It's sweet… but it hurt me a lot. I just kind of felt… like whatever. I'll get on with life. I've got Danny, I've got my own friends. Hayley can just suck it. But I couldn't do that. I let her talk to me about Austin, but I didn't really listen. Anyways, about a week after Hayley broke up with Josh, she went out with Austin for a month. She was so happy. And I was finally happy for her, despite the fact that I didn't like the guy, I was happy that someone could really make her happy. But then Austin asked for pictures of Hayley. Indecent ones of her in nothing but panties or a bra. Ha, I had warned her about Austin. He was, and is, a douche bag. A perverted douche bag. Hayley forgave him after awhile because she felt that she was being selfish for not saying yes to him. Man, there was something so messed up about that relationship. It seemed that whatever Hayley did, which was always sensible, was never enough for Austin, like she was always the selfish, conceited person, and Austin was Mr. Chastity. That's when it started deteriorating for them, but I think the real reason they broke up was because Hayley's stupid (not really) head got in the way, and she sunk into depression in a matter of days, which drove her away from Austin. They don't talk much anymore, and Hayley just completely broke down mentally. She recently told me how she used to cry herself to sleep over losing her "first love", Austin. I thought it was Taylor, but I guess I was wrong. Again.

So after Austin, Hayley vowed that she'd never get another boyfriend until she absolutely felt that she needed another support system besides her family and friends. She's had crushes since then, but she keeps coming back to those failed relationships with Austin and Josh.

Josh. Him. Right. So, Hayley started talking to Josh again. He had a girlfriend, Henna, which upset both of us a little. But right as we were really starting to get mad, Hayley insisted that because she didn't know Henna, she didn't have any right to say she was a bitch and whatnot. Reasonable, but totally unnecessary. Josh was just using Hayley as a journal or something. Like… he just told her what he was feeling, unfiltered and unrated. Hayley felt bad, and guilty, and whatever, but insisted on being his friend. She got pushed around a lot, now that I think about it.

And then Hayley and Josh got back together, in sorts. Henna and him broke up, Hayley came back in, Josh and Hayley kissed, went public, Hayley became insecure again… it's totally predictable. She's totally predictable.

It's just screwy how every relationship Hayley attempts to wrap her heart and mind always backfires. It sucks. I've only been in one relationship, and look where it is. I guess Hayley's just not meant to be in love, or be tamed for that matter. I don't know. I don't know why it had to turn out like this for sweet Hayley. No one could've seen it coming.

There's just too much drama with guys. I mean, I have Danny, and he's down to earth, not too philosophical, great with kids, loving, tender, non-cheating, and everything I want. It would be awesome if we ended up married with three kids. Just awesome. But I wish Hayley could just work out her troubles and get her life back on track.

I feel like I'm keeping her from doing that. I talk to Josh, I talk to Hayley, so maybe I'm twisting things for both of them.

I'm in the middle.