Another pain to ease.

I heard my own deafening screams before

I could feel anything.

It felt like my vision had faded, like

I could not see.

All the desire of hatred, the anger and

hurt was swimming freely in the

pure red liquid that was now gushing

out of me.

The knife I held clattered to the ground

as the spots I wished to see blocked

out everything and every sound.

My body ached for the desire and I

could not wait for the feeling to come.

I was not, however, trying to kill myself,

only to allow myself to feel numb...

so very numb.

A smile played upon my lips as I

felt the searing pain of the cut I had

made underneath my left wrist.

I should not allow myself to do such

behaviour in the toilets but I felt so

alive, too good to care.

I gripped the pocket knife once more

and felt a rush of adrenaline as I

ripped part of my jeans to expose

the skin.

While the knife cut in ,my life filled

with pleasure... pleasure for suffering,

it felt so right.

The door flew open and he stood over me.

I wanted to be able to see him but

my vision kept altering, changing and I

could not see him.

I wanted to tell him so many things just then,

that had haunted me for so long but instead,

I choked out a laugh and shut my eyes slowly.

I didn't even have time to say goodbye,

he didn't even know.

Once I wake up, I'll numb the pain by

cutting once more.