2nd of November, 2004.
I placed my forehead on the window pane and pressed my grubby face against its cool transparent glass. As I glanced towards the swimming pool that was cleaned out just yesterday, I said to myself that I'm going to miss everything. I'm going to miss the autumn leaves that were blown by the wind on a windy day.
Im going to miss the regular walks that I take on a Sunday morning.
I'm going to miss walking up to anyone's door and smile at them while I sing "Joy to the World" on Christmas day.
These things are just some of the many reasons that I have to endure pain and more on. But that was not to be.
I remember sleeping in on the last day of school and my mum furiously tries to wake me up.
I remember the feeling of happiness and joy that sweeps through me when im tucked into my dad's arms.
I remember singing and playing the piano as my whole family gathers around my room and sings along with me.
These are just some of the many things that I will remember for the rest of my cold, hard life. I wanted more. I wanted to live life to the fullest. But I couldn't. Not when I'm lying on the edge of the hospital bed just waiting for me to be released. Not when every single day I lose more and more of my friends. They have already moved on with life.
I'm the only one that hasn't. For me, time has stood still. I've already done the best I can, to survive. I don't know how I past the surgeries and operations that I had. That was still not enough. I was still being punished even though I tried my hardest to survive. I guess the world wants me to die. I drop a tear on my lap and once again stare out that window in the hospital room. It's the same as always. I watched as a mother and her 2 little kids pass by the building. I could clearly see and hear the peacefulness in their heart. I never wanted to be the only one who was diagnosed. But it couldn't be help. I was born to die…
I watch as another group of young boys approach the hospital with a dead bird in their hands. "What a scumbag" I think to myself. Yet deep down I know that they are caring and kind. The door opens. A shadowy figure appears. I couldn't see it. But I hear it, the footsteps storm closer. And the figure that's my hand. I can barely hear it speak. I sense little bits of water drop into my hand. They were tears.
"Please…" I hear it speak.
"Please…. Don't go..." It continued.
I opened my eyes and saw a pair looking right back at me.
As I closed them I relised that it was the last time that I was going to be able to hold up my eyelids.
I was happy I lived to this day. As I placed my head and burrowed it into the pillow, I hear the heat beat slow and in 4 seconds I couldn't even hear it at all.