A/N: Hello all you lovely readers! I feel pretty silly asking this of you but it would mean a great deal to me if you all could take a few moments and review this story! I really need to know what you all think. Because if it sucks, you need to tell me to stop wasting my time. LOL.
Happy reading, I shall shut up now. =)
Chapter One: Truth
He told me he loved me and the smile I felt tug at my lips appeared. Only I knew this was a dream. I knew this action was a figment of my subconscious. I fought with myself on weather or not to wake up. But no matter how hard I tried to force my eyes open they stayed tightly shut submerging me in painful memories.
I flew up sitting in my bed when my alarm clock screamed at me. For once I was glad to have to wake up at six a.m.. I rubbed at my eyes wiping away the tears and tiredness from them. A Monday morning. Great. School, or as I called it Hell was my path for the next five days. About the only thing that was keeping me looking at the bright side was that it was December tenth. Winter break was soon. But for me…not soon enough. For me school was a sentence, a place designed specifically to slowly kill me. I've never liked authority. I'm never defiant but I've always questioned it. I'm not popular, I don't see myself as anything to look at, and I'm most defiantly not the girl who has it all. No, I'm the exact opposite. I have fair pale skin, I'm short for being almost sixteen, five, five. I'm around one-hundred and ten pounds. I stick out in my group of friends because they all walk around wearing the popular store's clothes and I'm perfectly content in jeans, my converses and a t-shirt. I do how ever sometimes dress more feminine when I feel like it. As far as makeup goes I only use a little mascara. I have shoulder length natural curly chocolate auburn hair and blue eyes.
I heaved myself from bed to go to the bathroom and brush my teeth and hair. Drug my feet back to my bedroom and threw on jeans and a hoodie. Returned back to my bathroom to flat iron my stupid curls. After about fifteen minutes of delicate section frying, my mess of a hair was flat and shinny. This was probably the only girly thing I ever did as far as my appearance went. As I always did I went back to my room and laid down to wait for my bus. I always aloud myself at least ten minutes of preparing my mind to be molded into what society thinks it should contain, before I went to Hell. I grabbed my ipod and placed the ear buds in my ears and hit play. My play list consisted of classical, alternative, indie, rock, and some country. I hit shuffle and stared out my window. After six songs played and one half way through the bus rumbled it's diesel motor down my suburbia street. I tossed my backpack on and hurried out the door. The four other guys that get on at my stop gave me elevator eyes and smiled. I forged a smile and stepped onto the smelly yellow transportation. My stop is the second stop so only one other middle school girl was on, other than me and the four other guys. Unfortunately the junior high kids rode the same bus. That's what happens when you've got a cheap school district. I sunk down into my seat, setting my rather large backpack that weighed half of what I did next to me so nobody would ask to sit with me. Most of the time this worked unless some click was in a petty fight, then I had to share. But I didn't mind. I just didn't like having to start conversation. That's where my shyness complicated things.
"So Texas, how was your weekend?"
I pulled my right ear bud out to acknowledge AJ one of the guys my age. I pursed my lips and nodded once. "Um, fine. How was yours?" I hadn't yet spoke today so my voice was high-pitched but whispery too. AJ smiled and nodded back to his friend in the very back seat behind him. "We went and scoped out car parts for the torus you pointed out for us to restore. Have I said thank you to you for letting us know about it?"
I gnawed on bottom lip trying to ignore the flirtatious tone to his voice. "Only every morning." I smiled.
"Oh, yeah." He hid his face some with his hand acting like he had an itch. I felt bad. Ever since I said yes to Andrew Buell, the guy from my dream the guy who also broke my heart, AJ has been trying to pick up my shattered heart. Or at least that's what Jason say's. Jason is more like a brother than anything. But ever since Andrew I've closed myself off. I don't see the point in being with somebody if all they are going to do is break me in the end. My philosophy doesn't go over very well with those around me.
I turned back around in my seat to face the front and let AJ be. The bus hit a pot hole, the same pot hole that is there everyday and yet the old man still manages to hit it. Blind, he must be blind. I rested my forehead on the seat in front of me and tried not to think. I knew I had to put on my happy face in a few minutes, I had to get myself in that mind set. So…this meant I could not think about how much I hate my father, how much I hate the fact that my mother is fooling around with Andrew's father. How much I hate myself, and how much I am still desperately in love with Andrew. I had to think about seeing my two best friends since seventh grade, getting back my chemistry test, and choir. Choir, the only class I actually enjoy. Thanks to Jason. He's the one who insisted I join. It doesn't hurt that it's also my last class, so by default I like it.
Almost to Purgatory now I pulled my ipod out of my ears and shut it off. New electronics policy prohibits any use of them during school hours. No big deal to me, I rarely texted or used electronics during school anyway. And when I did, I never got caught. The beauty of being a shy quiet good student. Teachers never expect you to do anything against the rules. I'm a good actress, I have to be. How else would I hide my mothers secret? Or the fact that I hate school? Acting! So pulling into the bus line it was time fore…"lights camera action!" Woohoo.
"Texas! Hey Texas!" Lynn, one of my best friends called out my nick name. There's to many Sarah's in my school so since I'm originally from there having moved in the summer of seventh grade, it stuck. I stopped and waited for her to catch up to me from her bus. "Hey, I thought you'd never stop. How was your weekend?"
I closed my eyes and she didn't need me to explain. She and my other friend Stephanie are the only ones I let in on my acting performance, but I didn't really need too. They knew me so well that I might as well be transparent to them. I let her go on about Robby a guy she met online, yeah that was safe. A JV cheerleader blond big green eyes and thin, should not resort to a guy in California. That was not only stupid but wrong. But she knew how I felt about Robby. She knew I thought he was a sixty five year old mad getting his jolly's on making her think he was in love with him. She knew that and yet she still talked to him and still could never shut up about him. Of course I could just be bitter, with the fact the she has somebody and I don't. Even if he lives on the other side of the country.
We walked through the cold Missouri St. Louis morning into school and parted ways. I went to my sophomore health class and she went to computer applications. Health today was especially gross. We had a guest speaker this week on the ever popular topic sex. Lovely. The speaker was overly joyous on the topic of herpes. I would stifle laughs to myself as students next to me touched a cold sore on their lip wondering if they had it. Wow. I thought. These people are dense. Next the tall red head moved onto how sex equals bad and how to practice safe sex. I had pretty much tuned out her nasal voice but was abruptly brought back to attention when she called my name impatiently. She had obviously been calling it a few times. I looked up feeling my face heat up. I didn't like the attention. "Yes?"
"Would you read the slide?"
I sat ridged in my seat looking up at her over head projector scanning the first few lines before I read them. "Ummm…Many STD's are viral and can not be cured. The only safe way is to abstain from sex." I hopped it wasn't written as clear as it felt on my face that I'd been making fun of those around me. Thankfully not long after that the bell droned and I went to math. Quickly the next two periods sped by and before I knew it, it was lunch time.
I walked to my usual table and waited for Lynn so we could get in line. The table is close to the entrance doors of the school and farthest away from the lines of students. She walked happily to my side and put her stuff down in the plastic chair next to mine and we walked up to get in line. I never eat breakfast, I cant I always feel sick if I eat in the morning. Even still I wasn't hungry yet. I always eat a real lunch when I get home though. I always blamed it on the fact that it's school cafeteria food, nobody likes it. She looked past me at the table where most of her cheer team mates sat. "Lindsey is really pissing me off lately. Have you had any run inn's with her today?" She mumbled to me. I looked over my shoulder through my hair discreetly. Lindsey Hall. My least favorite person in the whole world since my first day of school in seventh grade. Only because for some odd reason I drew a lot of male attention. But what she didn't seem to understand was that I didn't want the attention, she could have it as far as I was concerned. But she has still gone out of her way when ever she can to do something that is embarrassing to me. I don't think about her much unless one of those days comes. Apparently Lynn has something against her today. "What do you mean?"
Lynn rolled her eyes and put a chicken wrap on her tray moving along in the line. "In cheer yesterday evening she dropped me. She acted all sorry for about five seconds and then laughed with her brats of friends. I just don't get her at all. She's pretty, why doesn't her personality mirror that?"
"Maybe it does. Just not to us." I laughed once with some humor. Lynn looked back at me as I grabbed a cup of fries and a water. "Yeah, your probably right. One of these days though, I swear we'll make her really jealous." I smiled at her.
"Who are we making jealous?" I looked to my left where Stephanie cut in line and was hurrying through to get to Lynn and I. "The insignificant bimbo." I said dryly. Lynn busted out laughing almost spilling her food on the check out lady. The funnier part was that they both knew who I was talking about. "Oh her. What'd she do this time? Break a nail and say you snuck in her room and did it?"
I laughed digging in my pocket to hand my money to the lunch lady and get out of line. We returned to our table all three of us joining the other girls. I ate little knowing I would eat when I got home. Plus the fries were cold and soggy. I usually don't talk at lunch anyway so me staying quiet was not odd. I listened to the others talk about Tray Hendrix and who he's taking out this weekend, how they wished it was them he would ask. I never saw the attraction to him, he played football and that seemed to be enough for them to get all hot and bothered. But then again I wasn't allowing myself to be attracted to any males. No guy is worth the heart ach.
After lunch I went to English II. Mr. Troff started us on the poetry unit. At last a subject I was good with. I could just turn half the songs I've written into shorter versions and hand them in. He'd never know the difference. And why not use them. I wrote them, they have feeling, and I rhymed in some of them. It would work. So while everybody started on their rough drafts of the poem on an emotion, I sat and read in the literature book a poem by Robert Frost. It took me less than two minutes to read the short paragraph. I still had a little less than an hour. I sighed heavily and gave up. I opened my note book and began a poem. It was completely random and it was obvious I was bored with the topic. But at least I was doing something to occupy my time. But still I had not devoured the hour yet. I pulled my cell from my back pocket and checked for any missed events. None. I thought about sending a text message to Jason, whom I would see in two hours but decided not too. He was in weight training anyway. I felt my eyes getting heavy and drifting to a close. I jumped in my seat startled knowing I couldn't fall asleep. I could talk to the girl next to me but she was worked up in a frantic attempt to rhyme something with orange. When nothing rhymes with orange, she'd be trying for the rest of her natural life. I thought about telling her but figured she wouldn't believe me anyway. Since I don't talk much, when I do the conversation usually turns to me talking and how much I don't. That was probably the reason I didn't talk much.
I glanced up at the dreadful clock and groaned silently that I still had a solid fifteen minutes. This institute really is Hell. This should be where criminals are sentenced when convicted of a crime. Not teenagers. I'm going to go insane if something isn't done to liven things up around here. I glared at the hands on the clock begging them to move faster. I found myself hoping for a fire drill or intruder alert drill. It took so little to send the freshman into an up roar I could use the entertainment. But it was rather cold today and I was already shivering, so a fire drill wouldn't be a relief. A tornado drill would work though. Anything, anything at all to rid me of the torture I would gladly take.
"Hey." A male voice disrupted my pleading to be free. I turned my head from the doodling I was doing to acknowledge the voice. It was AJ.
I pursed my lips trying to force a happy smile. This was not the diversion I was hoping for. "Hey AJ."
He smiled eagerness seeping through his eyes. He was about to ask me something, I could tell.
"So a few of us are going bowling this Saturday. You wanna be my partner?"
I had to think of a quick come back before he got his hopes up to much more. "Um, no I'm sorry AJ. I have to help put up Christmas decorations. And clean house. It'll take me all day."
"You cant get out of helping?"
"No. I promised I'd help last weekend." I didn't feel bad about the lie, but I made my face look that way. I was a crummy liar, I had to make it look believable.
"Oh well we'll miss you. Sure would be more fun if-"
The bell rang saving me. What a cliché.
"I gotta run, bye AJ."
I jumped up out of my chair tossing my backpack onto my back and nearly toppling over by it's weight, then ran from the room. I was the first person out of the room. I'm sure I earned a few weird looks. But that didn't matter to me. I was just happy to be rid of AJ's constant subtle ways of asking me out. He was a nice guy yes, but I said was done with guys. David Beckham could walk up to me and ask me to marry him and I'd still decline. It didn't matter who it was, I was done with the male gender.
In chemistry I got my test back. A 98%. I was happy. I just knew I would have bombed the test. But thankfully the night before I crammed…a lot. I wont ever cram that hard in my life. I was practically spouting off chemical formulas and the periodic table the rest of the day. I had been a chemistry fog. Having been out of it now for a week, I was just thankful to have passed the test. Since I passed it I wouldn't have to do the writing portion of the final next week. A huge relief. Mrs. Logy went on about the study guide and what lab we would have to pass as part of the final. It would be easy enough. As long as I remembered what chemicals did and didn't mix I would pass. Like baking soda and vinegar, those you never mix. I started on the study guide. The vocab section I could finish rather quickly so I would hold off on that. Incase I finished the packet tonight. Witch was likely, I could do the vocab during class. So I went onto the chapter reviews. After six pages of question answer I was halfway done. I was afraid this would happen. I continued to work until the bell droned and dismissed sixth period to seventh period. I gathered up my book and folder, shoved them both down into my bag and walked out of the room. Jason was waiting on me as he always does. Jason and I have been friends since freshman year and he's always been like a big brother, he's a year older than me. He's very protective of me ever since the Andrew incident. Seeing as how I always end up passing Andrew somehow during this section of time Jason feels the need to be my body guard. Not that I didn't mind him shielding me from seeing Andrew with other girls. That sight I was still not ready to see, even if it's been almost a year.
"How was chem?"
"Yeah street law was pretty boring too."
I nodded my head walking closely next to him as we walked towards the choir room. I got to thinking about how I really didn't want to see AJ again today. "Hey Jay? Would you mind driving me home? I don't want to ride the bus."
"Yeah sure, cause ya know I live so far away." He joked. He lives up the street from me. But he comes into school and hour late so he doesn't take me in the mornings. "AJ not leaving you alone again?" I rolled my eyes at him indicating yes. He held the door to the choir room open for me and I walked in heading for the alto and second soprano section. Jason walked up the risers to the tenor's. I sat down in my normal chair and waited for Mrs. Fields to have us warm up. Jason kept making faces at his girlfriend who sit's next to me. She'd turn around and face me smiling and rolling her eyes to ignore him. She was sweet to him and I liked them together. Mrs. Fields yelled at Jason telling him to pay attention. He did for all of three seconds and then was back to doing what he was doing.
Shortly after we were handed two new songs and reviewed them the bell rang. I breathed a long sigh with a smile. Jason kissed Katie good bye and came to me kicking my chair. "Ready?"
I picked up my things and walked out to the parking lot with him. Jason drives a 1988 GMC truck that he and I fixed up. We used to joke and call it our kid, because we devoted so much time to restoring it. He had found it in a junk yard and knew I would have fun fixing it. He also knew I would do most of the work since when it came to car's I was more knowledgeable than he was, and he's the one who's dad's a mechanic. I hopped in slamming the metal door. Jason got in turned the rabbits foot key chain bringing the truck to a rumbling life. He shifted into reverse and left the parking lot. It wasn't a long drive from school to where we lived. We were only ten miles out so it took less than ten minutes. Jason cranked up the radio on an oldies station and I grimaced as he laughed at my distaste for this genre of music. Oldies was the only kind of music Jason would listen to. I've tried on many occasions to broaden his spectrum of music but he refuses anything I have him listen too. Sometimes I think he just does it to irritate me. That would be so Jason.
He pulled into my driveway and turned the radio down. "Studying tonight?" He asked knowing my answer.
"What else is there to do? Listen to my parents argue?"
He smiled ruefully, "Sorry."
I shrugged, "Not your fault. I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks for the ride."
I jumped out and shut the door walking up to my garage door keypad to punch in the code and go inside. Jason rumbled up the hill in a puff of black smoke. I walked into my house pushing the square gray button to lower the garage door back down. My house was silent. My father was at work and my mother was probably out on a secret meeting with Scott. I stalked to my bedroom and dramatically threw myself on my bed. I gazed up at my ceiling trying to figure out why I felt so tired yet very restless. I felt like something was building up in me. I thought myself to be going crazy, school had finally done me in. My stomach growled for food. I rolled myself onto my feet and stomped back to the kitchen. I cooked myself white rice. Once the rice was done I emptied the small pan out into a bowl, pouring milk and brown sugar with cinnamon onto the rice. This was one of my favorite things to eat. I ate that quickly and got to work on my homework. I plugged my ipod into my ears and started the vocab section of my chemistry study guide. It was around four when my mom came home. She was all smiles and laughing when she came to my door.
"Hey sweetie how was school?"
I looked up at her from my desk of work, "snooze worthy." I mumbled. She leaned up against my doorway and crossed her arms, "What did you do?"
I sighed not really wanting to give her a play by play of my dull school. "Nothing."
"Homework?" She asked not sounding very interested. I lifted up my chem packet that had one question left on it.
"What do you want for dinner?"
I laid my head down on my arms. "It doesn't matter to me. Whatever you and dad want is fine." I mumbled.
"Okay I guess I'll just throw some burgers on the Forman grill."
She left me to my one last question. I wrote my answer for what the atomic mass number of hydrochloric acid was and shoved the packet into it's folder then shoved the folder into my backpack. I still had two hours before my grouchy father got home and I hid in my room so I decided to take a shower.
I let the hot water pound into my back, leaving my skin splotched red. I tried to make the shower water go hotter but it was to it's limit. I was always cold and the water was not making me any warmer. I finished rinsing the suds from my hair and got out. I laid down on my bed by my window and looked out snuggling myself under the covers with my towel wrapped tightly around me. Mr. Norris walked out of his house, as he does every two hours, with his two old poodles. They have bladder control problems so he takes them out every two hours. Even in the middle of the night he gets up to take them out. I don't know why he doesn't just train them to pads or something. I pulled my blinds closed and turned over in my small twin bed. The room was dark now and I was tired. It had been somewhat a mistake that I laid down. Now I was going to fall asleep. Before I could manage to shake myself awake I had already dozed off into a deep REM sleep.