I've Got the World's Most Difficult:

Hello!
My name is Andre,
And I've got
The world's most difficult…
Ugh, you know what?
I don't even think I should challenge you all,
Because I know
No one in this world
Could even come close to proving me wrong.

You see,
I was going to ask everyone to just be happy;
To just be kind.
Maybe even go out of your way to
To do good things.
Simple yeah?
Nope.
It's hard,
Matter of fact,
I think it's impossible.
The world's most difficult challenge
Is for everyone to just be happy,
And not belligerent,
Or stupid,
Or mean,
Or even the slightest bit troubled.

But I know we stupid fuckers
Could never ever accomplish
Anything even the tiniest bit close
To a peaceful world,
Even for five minutes.
How do I know?
Well, sit there for five minutes,
And just be happy and nice.

Hey, did you do it?
That's great,
I hope you did,
But wait, oh damn,
It doesn't matter,
Nothing changed,
Because no one else joined you.
"A river starts with one drop of water"
Meaning what? One little water dude = a river?
The hell he does,
He's just miserable and in denial if
No one else joins him.

Well,
Shit,
I'll tell you what,
That pisses me off.
Look, I can't even avoid it for five minutes,
Let alone the world.
I'm the one who's screaming about this philosophy,
And I can't even do it!?
What the fuck makes you think you can?
You have no mental powers above mine.

What the fuck have we turned into
When we as a world can't be happy and nice for even
Five goddamn minutes!
We're worthless is what!
We may be the "best" thing this side of the Milky Way,
But get off your high-horse!
It means nothing to be the best smelling
Pile of shit trailing behind a Clydesdale!

Am I being pessimistic?
Who cares,
I'm right at least!
I'm not in denial!
(Or am I?)

Either way,
I like to consider myself
An optimistic pessimist.

Sure I think a lot of things suck,
But they still rock too!
I love life,
In all honesty.
It's kind of like when a mom
loves an ugly baby,
know what I mean?

Hypocritical,
And in denial.
See?

Am I angry?
Hoh, you better fuckin' believe it!
It isn't often I can get to vent like this;
I'm usually busy being happy
And actually living and loving,
But the fact is,
I'm no different than all of you,
So when no one reaches for the sun
I get pulled down into the shadows along with.

For fuck's sake people,
I fuckin' dare you!
Live! Love!
I know you can't do it,
But you know what?
I will challenge you!
'Cause then I get watch
As your dollar-sign eyes widen with fright;
Watch as your sticky fingers clasp at what could have been;
And watch as you realize just how stupid, greedy, and hypocritical
We bastards really are!

So prove me wrong;
Pretty please so we can at least
Look like we give a damn
Or shut the fuck up!

Whew,
My throat hurts…
I could use a tastey beverage.