I can't write like I used to anymore.
Not that I ever had any talent, not that I was "good" at it by any means, but there were times when I'd put pen to paper and words would flow out easily, and there was an energy to it, it felt like being alive.
These days, I mostly feel dead. The weight of the world feels heavy on me. My bones ache. My soul aches. 16 years old and I am an old man.
The end of the world feels imminent. I can see it out of the corner of my eye. Its going to be ugly. It's going to hurt. I fear it.
Probably, I should do less drugs. Or more drugs. Push harder, finally reach the understanding of a higher power that I've been clawing against.
Of course, there is no higher power. I used to be so sure of that. I was such a confident atheist. These days, I don't know what to think.
There's more to say, but I've lost the words to say it.