To Maati,

Why are we still not talking to one another? Is it because of last week? I really am sorry. I've told you we could just be friends. I know I came on a little strong. After you ignored all my hints, perhaps I should have got the picture. But still… I always felt there was something between us. Whenever I caught you looking at me, I thought I saw something in your expression… well, nevermind.

I probably shouldn't have tried to kiss you either. Somehow, stupidly, I thought it would make you understand better than words. But here I am, back to words again, and I acknowledge my defeat. I guess I've been reading too many bad romances. The characters have whole conversations in kisses, you know. I like that… conversations in kisses. I know it's not really a guy thing to read romances, but hey! I can't help it; I like them. I may be a science guy, but I'm also interested in the chemistry of minds. I've even read some Mills and Boon, you know. You probably think I'm really soppy now, but I want to be honest with you. I promised I would, didn't I?

I admire you Maati. I know you don't really like people touching you, and I am sorry about the kiss. I'm not that kind of guy, honest. You're really cute, but that's not what I like about you. I just want to understand you. I think you're amazing. Everyone does. The way you can stand up and speak in front of the whole school, and the transfer program next semester. Moving two hundred miles with no one you know- I'd never have the courage to do that. You're so cool and composed, and sometimes I wish I could be like you. You're nothing like any girl I've ever met. When my boring sisters would stay in and play with their dolls, we'd go out and play basketball. You were great at it as well. It's too bad that you had to give it up for your health. It feels like… you're ready to do anything. That you'd be able too. I think if it weren't for the anaemia, you could have been a basketball star by now, if you wanted to.

You try so hard to get along with everybody, but you know, sometimes, it feels as though you're also holding them back. Like you want to be with people and get to know them, but you're not sure about them knowing you. Like there's a final wall, a barrier, that stops them getting too close. We've known each other for nine years, but I still feel like I've only skimmed your surface.

And also… sometimes I know you get sad. Even though you do all these amazing things, you still look as though you think it's not enough. That's why I want to tell you how awesome I think you are, because someone like you should never have to be sad. I want to hug you and squeeze all of the sadness out of you, but then again, I know you'd hate that. Just like you hated me for trying to converse in a kiss, because you'd never willingly expose yourself like that. I would have thought some guy must have hurt you to act like that- only I know you were exactly the same as a kid. But I like you for not being a damsel.

If we never have a relationship, that's fine. I used to get mad at you for turning me down, for acting so frigid and strange. But I've realised now it's me who was strange to think you'd be any different. If you had, you wouldn't be Maati. I'd just like to know more about you, that's all. Perhaps one day you'll allow me to remove your brain for my biology report and work out how you tick. In return I'll tell you a secret of mine. I also like bad romance movies.

Martin

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