Rolling out of bed, I smacked my alarm clock nearly off the dark wooden nightstand to shut it's unnecessary, and very annoying, buzzing. I had already been awake for thirty minutes, wondering how I would find a new job. I had recently quit my old job as a waitress three days ago. My boss had insisted that I "be his" and date him. Nevermind the fact that he was fourteen years older than me, and it violated every boss-employee code out there. I sighed, and wrestled my feet out of my dark blue blanket. I always loved that blanket – I've had it since was thirteen, and it had been washed so many times that there were faded spots on it. I always coordinated my sheets with it; they were always a lighter blue.
"Raina!" I heard my little sister yell across the house. I sighed, and quickly began to make my way across my tiny room. It only had room for my four pieces of furniture – a bed, a nightstand, a dresser, and my bookshelf that I had built myself. There were a few scattered posters of recent popular movies on the walls, but other than that, my room was very plain.
"Raina! Hurry up! Alex keeps crying and I need to get ready for school and I didn't tell you yesterday but I'm supposed to be there thirty minutes early for choir!"
"Thirty minutes?" I repeated to her, as I walked across the hallway to my little brother's room. She stood there, her curly brown hair was a mess, and she was in a big, comfy sea green robe, looking disheveled with my little one-year old brother on her small, nearly non-existent hip. She met my eyes with her muddy brown ones, and made a face.
"Yeah, thirty minutes. I forgot about it until now. And don't be mad – I'm the one that should be mad. I don't even have time to take a shower! And anyway, aren't you going to get dressed?" She eyed my extremely large, bright green t-shirt that I had worn to bed and shoved my tiny brother into my arms. His round, chubby face was scrunched up and red, and he let out another caterwauling yell. I watched him for a moment, scrunching up his arms and legs and pushing them out, making it difficult to hold him. He was only in his diaper – his messy diaper from the sounds of it. As much as I usually loved to be around this chubby little man, this morning, his screaming started to grind my nerves.
"Alex, shush." I muttered, and laid him down next to his crib on his changing table. I had been meaning to buy him a small bed, but I just hadn't gotten the money for it yet. Ignoring his screams, I quickly changed his diaper, throwing his old one into the trashcan next to the table. His room was light blue as well – I had always liked it better than my plain white walls. When he was born, my parents had covered his room with light blue paint and filled up an entire corner with stuffed animals, another corner with toy trucks, and put in his crib, changing station, and a chair nearby.
"Raina! Where are my shoes? Have you seen them? The ones that are pink with a black star on the side?"
"No, Melanie." I said, and I picked Alex up on my hip, bouncing him. I walked over to his closet and opened the door. On one of his shelves, I picked up tiny jeans with a tiny red and blue striped t-shirt. "Where did you take them off at?"
I began the fight to dress him, and he looked up at me with those big warm brown eyes of his and started to giggle when I tickled him. I sat down on the floor, and set him down between my legs.
"I don't know. If I knew, I wouldn't be asking you!" She yelled at me. I could hear her knocking things over across the house and I sighed again.
"Did you check by the front door?" I yelled back. Finally, I had slipped Alex's shirt on. Now for the pants…"Stop kicking, Alex." I muttered to him. ]
"Found them!" She exclaimed, and I focused on my task at hand.
"No!" He yelled, his tiny voice breaking through my concentration. "No! No! No!"
"Alex, stop being so difficult!" I groaned. Once I got his pants on, I let him play around his room while I jumped up to the bathroom.
"Raina, can we go yet? I'm going to be late! Get dressed!" Melanie grumbled. She was already in our bathroom, brushing out her hair and throwing it back into a ponytail. She had changed, and was wearing a small, bright pink t-shirt with a butterfly design up the side in a darker pink, and tight jeans the flared out slightly at her ankles. She had obviously found her pink shoes with the black stars on the side, and after doing her hair, she leaned over the counter to put her make up on.
"Melanie, I'm going as fast as I can, and I'm going to stop if you don't stop ordering me around." I mumbled. "You could have been dressing Alex instead of me."
"I have to be there thirty minutes early, Raina! And we still have to drop Alex off, and if we don't go right now I'm going to be late!" She said, exasperated. She finished her makeup as I started to run the brush through my hair. She ran out to get Alex, and I looked longingly at the ivory shower curtain. If only I had woken up early to take a shower.
I followed her suit and put my hair up in a quick, messy ponytail before rushing to my room down the hallway to find something to wear. I settled on my favorite, faded out, pair of jeans with a hole in the left knee and yellow t-shirt with a happy face on it. It was the last thing my parents gave me, three years ago before they completely vanished from our lives. They were gone a lot then, but at least they still made a point to see us once or twice a week. Bitterly, I vowed to myself to never have children, and if I did, to never treat them the way that my parents treated us.
Throwing on a pair of brown flip flops, I ran down the hallway and into the living room. My sister was waiting impatiently, her plain black backpack slung over one shoulder and my brother on her hip. She was wearing his diaper back on her other shoulder, and I took a moment to smile at her.
"Oh, good." She said. "You're ready."
She jerked her head towards the door. She had gotten so skinny over the past couple of weeks, and I noticed that the shirt she was wearing was even getting to be loose on her. Her eyes had dark circles underneath them, and she just looked tired overall. I wanted to cry. She hadn't been eating much, and neither had I. We both had just enough money to get Alex his food, and that's what we did. Her face had always been thin, but it was beginning to look sunk in. She lifted her button nose into the air and stamped her foot.
"Raina, let's go."
"Okay, okay. Back off." I said as I made my way to the front door. The living room was starting to look pathetic. It had only a couch and a chair; no pictures on the wall, no entertainment center, and no television. My parents had already taken all of those and sold them off for more money to spend at the casino. They justified it by telling everyone that once they won all their money back plus some, they would buy some more things; but this time, those things would be bigger and better than the old stuff they had.
We made our way outside and to my dinky little red car. It was dirty, faded, and old. I couldn't wait to get a new car, but reality crushed me and told me that it would be a long time before I'd be able to save up enough. I could barely afford anything now; there would be now way I'd be able to get a new car for a very, very long time. I winced at the creaking noises my car made when Melanie opened the back door and buckled Alex into his car seat. She shoved her backpack and the large, oversized brown bag for a diaper bag into the backseat of my car. At least the car was clean on the inside; it's grey interior looked good even if the rest of the car did not.
"Today, we're having extra practice in choir because we have this huge concert for the school this afternoon. I get to skip all my morning classes and everything!" She said, excited. "I love today. It's the best last day of school ever. Are you excited that you get to see me today? I get to sing up front. I even have a solo!"
"That's awesome, Melanie." I agreed, and turned the key that I had put in the ignition. Nothing but a sad click. I sighed. We went through this every morning. It took about three or four tries before my car roared to life, and Melanie turned on the radio.
"I love this song." She told me, and sang along to it. I recognized it as a popular song; I heard it around my school all the time. I was glad the she had turned the radio up so loud. If the radio was loud, I wouldn't be able to hear my car trying to chug along the road. After a bit of driving, I turned into my brother's daycare.
"Here," I said, turning in my seat to grab my brother's diaper back and unbuckle him. I shoved the diaper back at my sister. "Take Alex inside and get back out here. We might be able to get you to school thirty minutes early yet."
"Okay!" She said and jumped out of the car, swinging the diaper bag over her shoulder. She opened up the back passenger door and grabbed Alex out of his seat that I had unbuckled, and ran inside with him on her hip.
I saw her speaking with one of the ladies that worked there, and the lady gave her a sheet of paper. Probably another progress report, I anticipated. We got one every week on Friday, and it was Friday today. Melanie walked out with a smile, shoving the paper in my face the moment she got into the car.
"Alex is learning quicker than the other babies!" She said proudly. I took the progress report and folding it up, sticking it into one of my pockets.
"That's awesome." I agreed, and we drove off. We went to the same school; I was a senior, she was a freshman. She sang along to more songs on the radio until we pulled into the fairly empty parking lot. No one was at school thirty minutes before we had to be there. There were a few cars scattered throughout the lot, but most of them were probably there for choir practice as well. Our finals were over at school, and I figured that it would be a pretty slow day. Most classes were watching movies, and the second half of the school day, we were to go watch choir put on a show, and go home early. I had my graduation party tomorrow, and we had already walked across the stage on Wednesday evening, the day after the seniors took their last final.
"Bye Raina!" My sister said, already out of the car. She was running towards the long, large school building. "I'll see you this afternoon! Sit up front, okay?"
I didn't have time to answer by the time she had already made it to the door and disappeared. Smiling to myself, I turned my car off but left the radio on. This time before school was one of the very few moments that I actually had peace. I was alone, in my car, and I tilted my seat back to lay down on.
My life had been so busy since my parents fell in love with the casino, and drinking. They were too old to act this way, but facts never stopped them. They would go out, and sometimes they wouldn't come back home for a week or two, and spend all their money that they worked for in the day on gambling and alcohol. I hated it. They used to spend less and go to the casino less and drink less when I was younger. A year ago, when Alex was born, I had been there. I held his tiny body and heard his cry, and I kissed the top of his head and told him that I would always be there for him. I apologized to him in advance for my parents, and I told him that he would be okay.
A week after they came home with him from the hospital, they were gone again. I wondered sometimes if they even remembered that they had kids at home. I worked hard after school, and I fed my siblings on my own. I knew that if I had picked up my little siblings and moved out to somewhere, they probably wouldn't even notice, and if they did they wouldn't really care what happened to us.
I sighed.
Then I jumped, when I heard a banging on my window. I looked out the window and saw a friend had jumped up on my car. Three more people had gathered around my car and started laughing. I opened my door and shut the car off completely, sticking the keys into my pockets.
"Guys!" I yelled. "What's wrong with you? Get off my car; that's entirely too dangerous. What if my car had been on and I hit the gas petal?"
"Raina, Raina, Raina!" Paul laughed and jumped off my car. His lip ring shined as the sun hit it's silver surface, and his hair was jet black and spiked up in the center. His adjusted his red plaid shirt and I rolled my eyes. His jeans were too tight, again, today, and he had bought new shoes. They were green and black as opposed to his normal while, plain tennis shoes that he usually wore.
"You act like you're thirty years old." He told me, and grinned. He put his arm around my shoulders. "That's why I love you."
"I know, I know." I said, and ducked away from him. I looked over to my best friend, Karen, who was currently wrapped around her new boyfriend. I didn't like him. He kept trying to look down her low cut grey top, and had a hand in her boyfriend cut jeans' back pocket. She was wearing red heals that stood out. Her boyfriend dressed like a thug, a long oversized hoodie, and jeans that he wore down by his knees.
"Sup," Tim said, nodding his head at me. He saw me glaring at him, and Karen removed herself from his arms to give me a hug.
"Can you believe that today is our last day? I'm so excited I could scream!" She squealed. "Aren't you excited? Classes today are going to be so fun! I don't think anyone is really going to watch the movies though." She glanced coyly at her boyfriend when she said that. Barf.
"Ugh, could you guys not make everything so sexual?" I complained. "Anyway, aren't you worried about college?"
"College?" Tim repeated. "Nah, we got so much time before we need to be in college. Besides, college is like a giant party. It's gunna be fun."
"So that's it? You're just going to college for a giant party? What about your future?" I pressed. "What about if you have kids; you'll need to support them."
"Stop being such a worry wart." Jacob laughed. "We're going to college for our future, don't worry."
I glanced over at him. He looked so relaxed in his red t-shirt and loose fitting jeans. I knew he had a nice, defined body underneath that shirt, and as I started to think about it, I felt myself blush. He was leaning on my car, next to me. His dark brown hair fell into his eyes, and looked unbelievably soft. I had to touch it. I looked into his hazel eyes and smiled as I reached out an tousled his hair like I would a child's.
"Jake, you know that without you were, I'd fall apart right?"
"Hey!" Karen grumbled. "I'm your best friend…"
"You too, Karen." I agreed. "But Jake always takes my side with everything. We agree on all of it; you and I? We don't."
She giggled. "Yeah, I know. I always told you guys you'd be perfect together."
"Karen!" I scolded, feeling my entire body warm. Jacob was so mature compared to the other guys I knew. I had been going to high school with him since we started, and I loved being around him. He was just that kind of guy you could be comfortable around, and comfortable I was. Minus the butterflies he gave me when he touched me.
"Yeah, I know." Jake said, and put his arm around my waist. "And look, aren't we cute?"
"Jake!" I scolded as well, but not as harshly. I blushed and giggled at him. "Stop it, shouldn't we be getting to class?"
Paul swung his arm over my shoulders, and Jake kept his arm firmly around my waist. I watched the two glance at each other, and I swore I could have seen some sort of competition between them.
"You're right, silly." Paul said. "Let's go."
Jake and I had the same second hour class, but Paul and I were together for the first class. As we walked down the hallway, up the stair, through the huge groups of people. Jake let go of me and disappeared into a classroom, with one last look at me.
"Bye, Raina! Stay pretty until I see you again." He grinned, and threw up two fingers at me on his way into the class.
"See ya." I muttered, blushing.
"Raina!" Paul exclaimed, and kept leading me to our classroom with his arm around my shoulders. I heard the slamming of lockers and a lot of chatter in the hallways. There were so many people just leaning on the lockers that lined the hallway instead of getting to class. They were all going to be late, but a majority of them were seniors, and today was the last day of school. Nobody cared if they were going to be late to class or not. This could very well be the last time that you would see some of your friends. They were going to enjoy all the time we had together right now, class or no class. I was jealous. Although I had a tight group of three or four friends, I had never been outwardly popular. Sure, everyone knew my name, but everyone knew everyone's names. I shrugged it off and focused on Paul.
"Yes, Paul?" I answered.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"Nothing. I was just thinking about how today is our last day of school." I said truthfully. "It's weird, isn't it? I'm more nervous about today that anything else. Honestly, I think I've been dreading today. Because once I get out of school, I'm going to have to work more."
"I know." He said darkly. "I would help you if I could. Maybe we could move into an apartment together, you, me, your siblings, and my brother. He and I are moving out next month. We have the whole place planned out! It's got three bedrooms, if you want."
"Thanks, Paul." I said. "But think about it – you've got three bedrooms; one for you, one for your brother, and one for me, my sister, and my little brother? I think it would be a little crowded."
"At least you wouldn't be living at your parent's house." He muttered. "I just think it would be better if you lived with one of us. And I know you're not going to move in with Karen. I know how much she can get on your nerves."
"Paul!" I scolded him again. "Stop it, you need to be nice. Karen is a wonderful lady. I love her."
"I know." He said and grinned as we turned into a classroom. There were people sitting in desks and on them. The teacher wasn't in the room, and one girl was writing on chalkboard. "I didn't say anything bad about her. I just know she can get on your nerves. She's like the sister you never had, right?"
"Sure, something like that." I agreed, and sat down in my desk. Paul sat on the surface of it, and I shook my head at him. "Paul, if you don't get off my desk, you're probably going to knock it over and hurt both of us. You know you weigh more than me."
"Yes, mother." He grinned and sat in the desk next to me. "Seriously, though, Raina. I want you out of that house. I worry about you at night, before I go to sleep."
"That's sweet, Paul. Really, it is, but the apartment would be too small, and I don't think my siblings would be up for moving."
"Then move out with someone else." He suggested. "I just don't like you there, having to support the two of them by yourself."
"I'll be fine." I assured him again, and by that time, the teacher waddled into the room. She was large, and wore loose fitting clothes. A maroon shirt and jeans. She erased the "I love you all!" that the girl had written on the board and turned to the class with a tired sigh. She smiled at us.
"Alright, you guys." She said calmly. The class started to settle down, and students buzzed over to their seats. "It's been a great year, and because you were such a great class, I'm going to give you a choice."
The class murmured to each other in excitement.
"We can watch a movie," She said before looking at us with a smile. "Or we can go on a field trip to Circles."
The class roared with their decision – everyone wanted to go to the donut shop. Most of the kids stood up with excitement and started to head out of the class.
"Wait up!" The teacher said. "We're going to have to walk next door together."
The class slowed down a little, and our teacher left the room. Paul and I stood up and walked out, arm in arm.
"I'll buy you something there." Paul promised.
"Oh, silly." I giggled. "You don't have to. I don't need anything."
"I'll buy you some coffee, or donuts, or both. But I'm buying you something." He warned me. I smiled at him.
"Paul, I'm glad you're my friend." I told him. He looked at me funny and smiled back.
"I know." He said, and wiped his hands on his shirt. "It's because I'm awesome."
"You know it." I muttered and rolled my eyes as we walked out of the schools big double doors, and headed across the street to the local donut shop. The streets were busy at this time in the morning; everyone was heading to work.
"Stay on the crosswalk!" The teacher warned. "And be careful! If any of you get hit, then I'm going to have to do a lot of paperwork…"
Some of the students chuckled as we crossed the busy street. When we finally got into the snug little donut shop, the students stood in line to order. The poor people behind the counter looked tired and swamped. Their drivethru was backed up to the street. But we had an hour before we had to be in our next class, and none of the students were hurried.
After chatting with Paul and waiting in line for about thirty minutes, we finally got to order. Paul got a donut with sprinkles and a mocha, and ordered a mocha for me as well after I argued about not wanting a donut. We waited at the other end of the counter for our coffee, and Paul started to eat his donut, looking at me with a curious look on his face.
"Raina, today's our last day in school. Are we still going to see each other after we get done with today?"
"Of course!" I promised. I hugged him. "I'll find a way to see you in between jobs."
"In between jobs?" He choked. "You're taking on more than one job and college?"
"Well," I hesitated. I knew it would be hard to explain to him that I needed more money than I needed more education at the moment.
"Raina…" He trailed off before I could say anything. "You don't have to do this to yourself. Go to college. There's a local college around here. That's what you're supposed to do after high school."
"Is that why you're going to college?" I asked, suddenly curious.
"Yeah." He confirmed. "I don't really want to go, but you're supposed to, Raina. And that's why you should go too. It's what's expected of you."
"No, Paul." I sighed. "You go to college, not because it's expected, but because you want to better your future! For a higher education, and better paying jobs."
"Well, not me." He argued. "I'm going to college because I have to. Because if I don't, I'll still be living with my parents by August, and because I hear there are some killer parties on campus!"
"Oh, Paul." I grumbled. "What am I going to do with you?"
Our mochas were ready, and we went and sat down, chatting about nonsensical things until we had to be at our next classes. Paul wrapped his arms around me and gave me a big hug, lifting me off the ground when we arrived at my classroom.
When I got into my next class, I found Jacob already sitting in my desk. I walked over to him, and poked the backside of his head, feeling childish.
"Jake!" I squealed. "Out of my chair! Where am I supposed to sit?"
He patted his lap, grinning at me. "Right here, baby."
"Jake, stop being inappropriate and get into your own seat." I scolded, and he grinned at me again.
"C'mon, Raina. Don't be such a party pooper. I think I'd have more fun if you sat on my lap." He chuckled. "But, hey, have it your way." He moved to the desk next to mine. I rolled my eyes with a grin and sat down in my desk.
"So you did a good job." He told me, and I looked at him confused.
"A
good job with what?"
"Staying pretty until I got to see you
again. I was worried, you know, since you were with Paul and all that
he would rub off on you."
"Oh shush, you!" I blushed.
"You're cute when you blush." He said and nodded at me. "So, what movie did you watch last class?"
"We didn't watch a movie." I informed him. "The teacher took us all on a mini field trip to the donut shop across the street."
"Oh, Circles?" He said, and rubbed his chin. "Hm. Lucky. Did you get anything?"
"Paul bought me a mocha." I said absently, watching him stretch. When he stretched, his shirt came up, and when his shirt came up, I couldn't tear my eyes away from his exposed skin. I blushed when he put his arms back down, and met his smirking eyes.
"Raina, you are too cute, you know that?" He told me. And we turned to attention as the teacher up front cleared her throat. She was thin and older, her blonde hair was turning to grey and her eyes lit up her face. She was pretty, despite her age. Her wrinkles merely added definition to her life. When she talked, she had a bold, demanding voice.
"Class," She announced. "Today, we are going to watch a short documentary. What I want from you is a list of fifteen—" She was greeted with groans before she could even finish her sentence. I grinned. "things that you liked about the person sitting to your right. After that, I want you to pass them all up to me, and I will read a few from each. This will be anonymous – I won't mention who wrote it or who it's written about."
The class volume started to rise at the prospect of such an interesting assignment. To my right was a quiet girl, with blonde hair and green eyes. I hadn't talked to her but maybe twice since we've gone to school together. She was shy, but very kind, and extremely smart. A tad bit heavyset, but beautiful at the same time. To my left was Jacob. This was going to be an interesting assignment, indeed.
After finished my list, I tried to peek over at Jacob's, but he had already turned his paper upside down so I couldn't read it. If anyone could make me feel like a giggly schoolgirl, it was him.
"Alright," The teacher announced. "Pass your papers forward, face down please."
Once all the papers were passed up, she began reading. A few statements caught my attention.
"She's just too cute." She read. "She's strong. She's going to be the mother of my children one day."
The teacher looked pointedly in Jacob's direction, but that could have just been my wishful thinking and imagination. Although, the future mother of my children freaked me out a little. I would never have children. Jake smiled at me.
"Hey, babe…" He muttered, and touched my knee. "Are you okay? You look a little shaken up."
"I'm fine." I whispered. The teacher droned on. "That was just weird."
"What?"
"The mother of my children?" I repeated. "That's really weird."
"Not if he knows that she's amazing and that he's going to marry her someday." Jake winked. I blushed.
"Did you write that?" I hissed.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" He responded. "Now, pay attention. You might hear something else that you like."
After that, the rest of the day began to drag on. Jake and I did nothing but flirt for the rest of the class, and in my third class, I didn't really know anyone. It was boring. By the time lunch came around, I was starving, despite the whole having mocha this morning. I usually didn't have anything in the mornings. By the time I got to the table that my friends usually hang out at, their laughter stopped and they looked fairly sober. I frowned.
"Alright, what is it, guys?" I demanded. "Did someone get hurt?"
"No…" Jake trailed off. "I feel really bad, though, because I'm not going to be able to make it to your graduation party."
"What?" I hissed. "What do you mean? Jake, you know that my graduation party is going to be full of nothing but relatives. I wanted you to come so I could have someone with me!"
"I'm sorry, beautiful…but it's my aunt's birthday party, and my mom is making me go." He said, and made a face. "I'll make it up to you!" He promised. "We'll go out next Friday. Promise. You and me."
"Alone?" I gawked.
"Well, yeah." He said. "I can't properly make up for not showing up at your party with a bunch of people around." He winked at me, and I felt a blush creep over my face. "Besides, why can't I get a pretty little thing like you by herself for a while?"
"Alright, Jake." Paul injected. "That's enough. You're just being creepy now."
"I think he's being cute." Karen argued. "Don't you think, babe?"
"Yeah," Tim said absently, staring down Karen's shirt. She was sitting in his lap, completely oblivious to where her boyfriend's eyes resided. I snorted in disgust.
"Well, Paul, can you come with me?" I asked. He looked down at his plate, which had two pizza slices on it. Well, actually one and a half. He had obviously been eating before I got there.
"I, uh, can't Raina…" He said. "I already promised Karen that I would go to her graduation party."
"Karen?" I looked at her.
"It's cool, Paul. You can go."
"No…" He trailed off. He looked at me guiltily. "The reason I said I could go with Karen was because hers is so close. Yours is off in the national park. I'm not allowed to drive that far."
"Oh." I muttered. "Guess I'll be going alone then."
"I'm sorry…" He trailed off, looking quite ashamed. I smiled at him.
"Don't worry about it!"
I was not looking forward to my graduation party now.