I am probably jinxing myself by posting this now, but I don't think I'll have time to finish this today. I'm about 2 paragraphs away from the end.
I hope anyone who still reads my stories or read profe further than what is posted will enjoy this. It's been sitting in my story folder for a very very long time. Feel free to point out any glaring mistakes I've just given this a very quick once over.
Please do review! Pretty please? This is part of Profe Uni. can be read as stand alone.
For as long as I could remember my parents and grandmother always told me to be true to myself, "Be whom you are and never be ashamed of being yourself."
I was different, I'm different and I think they always knew it and never told me to change. I played with dolls, I always preferred the blond ones. I like painting my nails and pink is my favorite color. I remember coming home and telling mom that Ricky was the "cutest" boy in my class. The statement that girls were "yucky" was never truer than when it came from my mouth.
My family never made me feel bad about it or ashamed. "Love yourself, accept yourself and others will." Others didn't. Well really most did except for some selected, brutes, closed minded, prude idiots. Most of these people left me alone; they glared, sneered, ignored, prayed but for the most part just looked the other way. There was a rather small group that hated me and the thing is that even if it's one person that hates you that is a lot. I don't think anyone wants anyone to hate him or her especially based on something so trivial. I'm gay, I like guys, what does it matter to you? I can't change, and I don't want to.
I don't know how problems started; I kept mostly to my group of friends. I only messed with those that messed with me and I had and have enough brains to stay away from the brutes. And the brutes to me are the ones with enough muscles and not enough brains to beat the shit out of me because of a preference, I didn't chose.
And that they did. They beat the living crap out of me.
"Love your self, accept yourself and others will."
I still believe those words, I still live by them but …I was broken. What hurt the most were my parents, how they blamed themselves and even me. They didn't voice it, not the first time, not until the third and worse time. Well the third for them, there had been more but I was able to hide the bruises well.
I didn't go back to the school; the police was useless since my parents didn't want me talking to them. They wanted me to put it all behind me, forget it happened and act a little more…conservative. It wasn't going to happen, I was and am disappointed in them. I won't change who I am. I like who I am and I see no reason to hide it.
I was pulled out of school. It wasn't like I could go anyway, I had broken ribs and fractured arm. I was allowed to take the final exams even though I'd been absent for so many days.
My close friends came to visit me everyday, even some that weren't so close came by. They stood by me and agreed that the ones to go should be the brutes not me. Only one of them was expelled the others had gotten suspensions and some only detention.
Zela said I was brave; she's my best friend. She spent the most time with me, helped me study and I will forever be thankful, because with out her I would have flunked. She gave me support not only with schoolwork, but emotionally. She put a smile on my face when all I wanted to do was drown in tears. She stayed by my sides as all the other friends began to fade.
She skipped school to come over to my house and help me get ready to start a new school. I remember she encouraged me to were my "I like boys" tee, she even spread a little of her vanilla flavored gloss over my lips. Her hug as I got off her car gave me the confidence to be me. To be Carlos, gay and flamboyant with out fears.
Everyone still talks about him as though he is some type of god. He's a legend now, a sad legend even a warning. Luciano.
He isn't what they all imagine; he isn't at all what even he thinks. He's a scared little boy. That is all he is behind all that image, behind all that attitude. I didn't even notice him at first, not until he was right in front of me. He has presence I'll give him that much. He is as intoxicating as he usually is intoxicated.
I wanted that strength that raideated from him. Everyone warned me to stay away from him, as much as they adore every one of his antics, as much as they all secretly want to be like him or at least like what he pretends to be they all know how dangerous he is. All he touches turns to dirt.
Thing was, I was touching him more than he was me. I loved the fact that he flaunted his sexuality and nobody ever dared to say anything about it. Everyone had a story about him, this incredible thing he'd done. Rumors surrounded him, that he fucked him or her or both. With the teacher, with the librarian, the truck driver in the classroom, in the bathroom. He didn't give a fuck about anything or anyone.
No one but him and maybe Robbie new what was real and what was legend, very few were let in. I'd like to say I was let in, but I wasn't I just snuck in and had a quick peek. I loved the attention I got from him, and because of him. He wasn't a let down, not when he touched me, not when he looked at me. He could make the simplest of touches into a sexual experience.
He is dangerous, everyone knows this, but I was prepared for him to hurt. All my guard was focused on him, and it seems I missed judged. He wasn't so dangerous after all, not to me, or them. The only one in danger around him is him.
I met Dave the same day I met Luciano. He was hard muscle and testosterone and though I was immediately attracted, I did my best to ignore him. I might want to hold strong to the believe that people will accept me for who I am, but I'm not stupid. I knew very well his type were the ones that despite being twice your size ganged up on you. I knew how their punches hurt, that they knew how to hit.
I can't remember who took the first step anymore, I don't even know how it happened but it did. Suddenly I found myself sneaking into bathroom stalls to make out with Dave. Talking with him for hours on end over the phone or messenger. I breathe through him and for him, and he made me believe his world revolved around me.
He told me about his father, about the problems they had. He told me about his uncle, who got thrown out of the house when he was only 16 for being gay. How afraid he was. I noticed he was lost, only a small boy in a huge bulk of a body. For the first time in my life I felt I was protecting someone else, I felt needed and loved. Even Zela liked him. He made it easy for me to leave Luciano, holding onto Dave's hand I felt like I could do anything.
I would dream of the day he'd come out for me. I would tell Xela how I'd hoped that by prom he would be ready, "Imagine it, Dave and me dancing in front of everyone. Even Luciano would be jealous."
Things with my friend's weren't going well. Rob and Luciano were fighting, and something was obviously wrong with Luciano, but it is never easy to approach him. Luciano lost weight, he lost a lot of weight, I don't understand how no one noticed. Having Dave by my side, and seeing Luciano from a different' perspective helped me see how lost he was. I wanted to help him, but I didn't know how.
Dave would freak whenever I mentioned going to with Luciano, seeing Luciano or anything related to him. I got jealous at first worried, he had a crush on him or that he had approached me in some twisted effort to get close to Luciano. It hurt even more when Dave came to me ready to confess.
Those were his words, he was there to confess, "and I'll completely understand if you decide to end this." I felt my life shift on its side. I was completely off balance waiting for the worst. Luciano cared about no one, if he decided he wanted Dave, if he decided he wanted to fuck Dave, I'd be not even a small thought in the back of his brain. I knew first hand how addictive Luciano's touch was and I was ready for the worst.
It turned out to be a confession about his past. His past, the time before me, and I had not problem with that. What he and Luciano did before me was fine. I didn't care, as long as Dave was by my side and didn't want to go back to Luciano everything was fine. I was hurt by them lying but I could forgive that.
"You'll forgive him anything." Zela didn't buy the whole "it was only before you story" from Dave. She began to mistrust him because he wouldn't come out. She told meshe'd seen him at the movies with a girl, but I knew about that. I was ok with that. Everything was fine because he came back to me, because he loved me. Despite being used to getting sex easily he was waiting because, unlike Luciano who pushed any chance he could, Dave understood me.