Prologue
Kane stood rigid in a desperate attempt to hide the trembling in his very bones he felt as he watched the coffin being lowered six feet into the earth. His heavy lids blinking continuously as he fought the tears that threatened to fall from his watery obsidian eyes. His face was set as if in stone and though he tried his best to appear cold – as it was a familiar expression and emotion to him – he couldn't quite pull it off, grief shown clearly on that pale face. His plump lips were pulled together in a thin, straight line as he bit the inside of them while his loose carmine hair whipped across his face and neck. His well-muscled arms were wrapped about himself in at least one small comfort he allowed himself to have. And still choked sob arose from him despite his self-restraint as the sleek brown coffin hit the bottom of the deep, dark hole. His eyes snapping shut abruptly as his face turned away from the sight.
It was all too much. It wasn't supposed to be like this- never like this! He had been with Max for three straight years. Lived with the man and loved him, doted on him and cared for him when he was ill or simply too fucked up to do for himself. He had made the guy his entire life during those years, had done anything and everything asked of him. Kane had even turned a blind eye when the boy began to fuck around with other people. He had adored him that much and was just grateful he at least got to share the boy's life and dreams if not always his bed. And Max had always been fine with that – until now.
Only a few days before Kane had made the mistake of leaving the boy alone for a few measly hours to do some grocery shopping. Something he did every Sunday on his one sure day off while his lover slept off the drugs and booze from the previous night's deviancies. Hell, the man had still been asleep when he left and Kane was sure he wouldn't awaken until after noon and he always made sure he was back by then to shove aspirin down his throat and make sure he was fed.
But this time… this time when he came home, arms full of groceries, it was to an eerie silence and a strong sense of unease. Immediately he had put the bags down and made his way down the hall to check on Max. His heart began to pound when he didn't hear any of the soft grunts or light snoring that was always a sure sign the man was abed. He heard no TV or shower, just a still silence and his own breathing. Knowing something was wrong - and praying nothing was – he pushed open his bedroom door and promptly fell to his knees. His eyes widening in horror while his mouth opened and closed much like a fish trying in vain to get some air back into his lungs.
Max hung from the ceiling in the far corner of the room, the red sheet that the Kane had rested on with his lover only that morning was wrapped firmly around the boy's neck and pulled taut by the weight of the man hanging from it. His black eyes followed the sheet up to the ceiling of their own accord to see the metal shower rob forced into the two separate walls that met to make the corner. Both ends sticking in awkward black holes that stood out against the white of the walls. He could see where the bottom of each whole was slightly collapsed as if the wall gave way a bit under the added weight Max caused on the rod.
He remembered gasping and raggedly inhaling, he felt a burning sensation around his very own throat as if he were the one hanging instead of his love. Leaning forward he had rested his head on the soft cream carpet as he forced himself to at least try and pull it together enough to call the cops. Dialing 9-1-1 he said what he was able and gave the address before pulling him self from the floor and stumbling into the living room. His eyes had leaked so bad as sobs racked his body so badly he was doubling over.
His love, his life was dead. And all because he wasn't there for him.
Hearing the rather final sound of dirt hitting the top of the coffin he came back to reality and opened his eyes and roughly wiped the unwelcome tears from his eyes and cheeks. What made him glance up from the grave he had no idea, but he did so anyway and was greeted with the sorrowful yet equally glaring face of one Kinley MacAllister.
Kane stared at the boy a long moment, meeting those cold reddish eyes and holding them. The boy had never been fond of him and he remembered walking in on as well as hearing about quite a few conversations in which he would tell Max that Kane wasn't the one for him. Kinley made it clear from the very beginning he was not accepted as Max's lover and never would be. The red head had thought the boy was simply a homophobe and was to be ignored. It wasn't until a few weeks later that he found that wasn't the case as all. Kinley was obviously gay and obviously just had a big problem with him.
Max had bid him to just ignore the smaller male, something he could never quite do. He had always found the brunette to be quite interesting and sinfully beautiful. He had this forbidding presence, at least when he was around him, which made Kane want to try to break down those walls and see what was beneath. Of course he felt terrible for ever thinking these things. Kinley was Max's brother after all and after three years was supposed to be looked at as nothing more than a relative. Yet another thing Kane just couldn't quite manage.
Which Max never failed to notice. He remembered many an argument over a clueless Kinley in which Max would claim that Kane was secretly in love with his younger brother. Of course the redhead denied this, ignoring the ache in his heart as he did so. He didn't understand during those arguments anymore than he understood now that they would never come again just how that fact had come about. Or how he had found himself painstakingly in love with two brothers. One he could never have the other he could only have when it was convenient.
"Come on, Kane," came the soft, sympathetic voice of his best friend breaking through his reminiscence. "It's starting to drizzle and the last thing you need right now is to be sick."
Kane nodded and allowed the other man to place a comforting arm around his shoulders and lead him to the car. Once inside he turned to look out the window, his eyes unconsciously seeking out those of his lover's brother.
"He just pulled off, Kane."
"Who?" the redhead said, turning to look at Jessie with an eye raised in question.
"You know who. For what it's worth, Candy Kane, I'm sorry things turned out this way." Jessie said, threading his hand in the man's hair, "But hey, you still have me, right?" Smiling as the man nodded he leaned forward and gave him a brief kiss to his forehead.
-~-~-~-~
Kinley stared at the door to his brother's old apartment feeling a mix of emotions. He felt an overbearing grief for the loss of his brother; a seething anger at that bastard boyfriend of his for not knowing this was going to happen or maybe not even caring. He also felt a shameful twinge of hope in his heart that maybe he could replace Max in Kane's heart now.
He knew it was coldhearted of him to think this and would never even attempt to do such a thing – not that he thought for a minute that he could. The entire three years he had known the redhead it had been as Max's little brother and resident nag. He had did his damndest during all that time to be a little prick and hide his – what Max had claimed – obvious feelings for his brother's boyfriend. And he had always thought he was doing a pretty good job of it except when Max had cornered him and told him how much of a whore he was for even wanting what clearly wasn't his. But he just couldn't help it. How could one help the way they felt or their body's reaction to another?
Ever since he had seen Kane he had experienced a shortness of breath, a rapidly beating heart and a softly flushed face that he had tried his best to mask as anger over the years. As fate would have it he just happened to be shopping with Max that day in the mall, they had spotted him at the same time and Max had actually pointed out that he was staring at the tall redhead before laughing. He knew he shouldn't have been angry with his brother for going after a cute guy, but then he wasn't exactly pleased he had done so after seeing his brothers clear attraction to him. But then, Max had never been one for fairness. Before Kinley even had his wits about him enough to even go say 'hello' his brother was hooked to his dream guy's arm and macking on him.
Kinley didn't stand a chance.
Just like now, he thought bitterly as he raised a hand to knock on the door, he didn't stand a chance next to Max. When there was no answer at the door after a few more knocks he took out the spare key his brother had once given him and opened the door. The apartment wasn't any different than when he had been inside only a few days before. Maybe a bit cleaner now that Max's things had been packed up, but then there was an intense and eerie stillness. The kind you get when you know something tragic has taken place. He tried to shake off the shivers that ran through his body at the image of his dead brother, he could just imagine the man's body struggling.
He made an attempt to shake the thoughts from his head; he was here to get what he wanted of Max's things before anyone else had the opportunity to rummage through it. Setting his backpack atop a nearby side-table he made his way to his brothers old room. The last thing he expected to find was a nearly naked redhead sprawled on his back atop a freshly made bed. He quickly averted his eyes even as his cheeks heated up. He scanned the room for anything to focus on and took note of the many packed boxes that no doubt held all of Max's things.
Attempting a tone with a clear bite in it, he said, "Don't you have enough decency not to run around in your boxers? Damn, you knew I was coming over today!"
Hearing no sharp retort or even the man's normal grunt of displeasure he looked back over to the man. Walking a bit closer to the man his eyes widened continuously, he knew Kane was a big guy but he hadn't realized just how much of him there was. His sleekly muscled form was still, his long red hair splayed out around his head that was turned to the side just so. His cold obsidian eyes were closed showing thick black lashes that fanned out beneath his eyes. His plump lips were parted just barely while his normally clean-shaven cheeks were covered with a dark red five o'clock shadow. As his eyes traveled farther down, Kinley couldn't help but notice the broad shoulders and strapping arms, the thin waist that came down to meet thick thighs and … something else that he could clearly see the outline of in the man's gray boxer briefs.
His cheeks flushed as he remembered a drunken Max tell him just how big it was and how well the redhead could use it … and how he would never have it. He had felt terribly embarrassed that night as well as angry. He held firm to the believe that the only thing that saved his older, bigger brother from an ass whipping that night was the fact that he was well and truly fucked up off his ass.
Looking at the man now he could feel his heart begin to hammer as his breath quickened. He had never seen a sexier man in his life. He had never even met a man who had ever made him feel so needy and wanting. And he could never have him.
Moving around the bed until he was standing at the man's side he reached a pale hand up to shake the older guy's shoulder. Ignoring the tingling in said hand as he felt the hard sinewy muscle and warm, smooth skin beneath it. "Come on, get up! I've got things to do." He clenched his jaw when the guy didn't move and briefly considered just leaving him alone and taking what he wanted of Max's stuff. He had packed it all up already so obviously he was ready for it to go. But it just seemed so … wrong, to take away everything that was Max without Kane's go ahead.
When shaking him again didn't work he lay a hand on the redhead's rough cheek and pinched; sure he was about to get an earful for doing so. When the man still didn't move he sighed, his eyes looking over the man's face as his hand caressed said cheek almost absently. He closed his eyes a moment and just for one second imagined what it would be like to touch the man like this when he was awake and aware, a lover's touch and caress. Kane would bury a big hand in his hair and pull him in for a deep, hot, claiming kiss and murmur how much he loved him. Not Max. But him, Kinley.
Kane awoke a bit confused. He could feel a soft hand caressing his cheek and was sure it had done so as he slept, he knew it was not Max. Even had the boy not been dead he knew it would not be him. He knew well the feel of his former lover's hands and never once had they ever been so soft and gentle. Max may have loved sex but he wasn't particularly a fan of touching any other time – unless of course he was too tweaked to care.
Blinking the sleep from his eyes, he looked up to see his love –well, one of them. Kinley was bent over him, his eyes closed with a small smile on his face as his small hand caressed his cheek. Kane was momentarily at a loss for what to do. He had been sure when he passed out from getting thoroughly stoned earlier that day that he wouldn't feel well at all upon awakening, but with this beautiful creature above him he couldn't help but feel like something to be valued. If only for a moment.
His hand seemed to rise of it's own accord to thread into the curly sable locks of the boy before him. He watched as those pretty eyes fluttered open before widening and that mouth, the mouth he had dreamed of kissing so long, dropped open in shock as his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. His hand tightened in the youth's hair when he went to pull away and instead pulled his face closer to his own.
Their lips met and with it a million little imaginary electric currents that seemed to seize both mouths and make the kiss that much more desirable. This kiss was sweet and longing and when ended they couldn't help but stare at one another. Kane seemed to recover a little faster than the smaller boy and with an agonized grown pulled Kinley atop his body before rolling him beneath his larger body. He attacked the brunette's mouth with a hunger neither man knew what to make of but was just as equally returned all the same.
Kinley was feeling something close to bliss as the man atop him suckled his bottom lip into his mouth before sliding that hot tongue down the column of his throat to suck at the base of his neck. His not-quite-gentle hands found the bottom of his shirt and slipped beneath to caress Kinley's flat stomach and the outline of his ribs, learning him. Kinley's gasp of delight at feeling those long fingers slide over his nipples, tweaking them, was swallowed as the redhead's mouth moved back up to settle over it once more. Feeling a nudge at his legs he opened them slightly and Kane's knee made quick work of parting them further, pressing up and against the smaller man's arousal repeatedly.
Kinley ripped his mouth away long enough to whimper up to the man atop him, "More … I want more." He then proceeded to pull the bothersome shirt off and drop it in the floor, pulling Kane down atop him tightly to feel the man's skin against his own. His hips began to rock against the man's knee even as Kane dipped his head to lap at those sensitive nipples of his. Suckling at them and the skin around them before nipping a little hard in a way that drove Kinley wild. "K-Kane?" he whispered out his name as he felt the man's leg leave him and the man's body pull away.
The redhead smiled at hearing his name said in such a voice, in such a tone that made him want to give the boy the world. "I'm here, beautiful, I'm not finished with you – not by a long shot," he murmured even as his nimble fingers made quick work of the fastenings at the front of Kinley's jeans. Sliding them slowly down as his mouth fell to that belly button, showing it a bit of attention before sliding his mouth further down following the trail of the pants. When his tongue met the black hair of his pubic area he pulled back once more long enough to get rid of the boy's shoes and socks the pulled his pants and underwear all the way off.
His mouth returned to where he left off and lapped his way downward even as his hands came into play cupping the boys sac and dallying with them a few moments then wrapping around the base of the boy's penis. He smiled at Kinley's ragged breathing and sexy little whimpers even as he circled the head of his cock head with that hot tongue of his, sliding that same tongue down the underside to suckle at the underside a moment as his hand began to move up and down. Feeling hands thread in his thick locks he raise his head long enough to take Kinley into his mouth, allowing his tongue to toy with the head a moment more before engulfing him.
"Oh my fucking God!" Kinley moaned loudly, tightening his hands in the man's hair as his hips humped back and forth seemingly of their own accord. He didn't think he could remember ever receiving better head than he was at present though admittedly it wasn't exactly easy thinking of anything when your dick is stuffed down someone's throat.
Kane pulled away and he felt the smaller man tense and instead moved his mouth farther down to lap at his sac. "Do you want to cum now or … see what happens?"
Kinley could have come right then, he didn't think the guy's voice could have gotten any sexier, but hearing those words … He closed his eyes against what the redhead was doing as he nodded his head, "Yes … yes, let's see what happens."
"Good," the bigger man said, flipping the man beneath him over on his stomach. His hands finding those firm cheeks and squeezing, caressing first them and then the boy's back before reaching across the bed to the nightstand. Pulling open a drawer he pulled out the essentials which, of course, were condoms and lube.
The brunette gripped the blanket as he felt his new lover's slick fingers brush his opening, caressing around the tight hole a few moments before adding some lube and start to enter him. He bit his lip as Kane fingered him, biting down a bit more harshly when he added more than one finger. He was being driven slowly mad by the continuous rhythm, but it wasn't quite what he wanted. "Come one, please, come inside me, Kane," he said in a shaky voice. He looked over his shoulder when he felt the man pull away for what he hoped would be the last time. He stared.
Kane made quick work of his boxers and caught hold of his member, giving himself a few strokes, he grinned at the gaping boy. He knew he was a damn good size and while he wasn't obsessed with his body he was secure enough with it to know when he looked good. Kneeling on the bed, the ripped open the condom package and rolled said condom down over his cock. Taking a quick moment to lube himself up he aimed and moved in closer, pressing the head of his arousal into the boy. He felt resistance and slowed his pace a bit, easing into the boy until the head popped in soon followed by the length of him.
Both men groaned simultaneously amazed that anything could feel so very good. Feeling Kinley's hips buck a bit, he knew the boy was finished adjusting and wasted no time in grabbing his slim hips and thrusting. He found the boys prostate immediately and made sure he hit it with each and every thrust. The sex was far from gentle but damn good all the same. Kinley was the first to come and was in no way quiet whatsoever. Kane wasn't quite done and merely quickened his pace as the smaller boy relaxed a bit enjoying the feeling of being thoroughly fucked. Kane soon came with a low guttural groan that made Kinley shiver in delight.
After the most intense orgasm of his life, Kane lay atop the smaller man, placing feather-light kisses between his shoulder blades and over his shoulder. However, feeling the familiar dozing feeling he sometimes felt after intense sex, he pulled away and –being thankful he still had some tissues left in the box atop the nightstand – removed the condom, cleaning his dick up as he did so. Tossing the used rubber into a nearby bin he turned back to a blushing Kinley.
"I-uhm," he covered his face with his hand, "I've made a mess of the bed."
"No harm done," Kane said softly, pulling said hand away to press a firm kiss on those lips before moving to a nearby closet. Retrieving a new bedspread he came back to bed. "Just toss that one in the floor, I'll get it later."
Doing as he was told and wiping himself clean while he was at it, he stood a bit unsure beside the bed as he watched the redhead spread the blanket out before climbing in. He felt a sort of giddy rush when the man pulled the covers back before reaching a hand out in invitation. He took said hand and climbed into the bed, his sated body begging for sleep. He couldn't ever remember being happier than when he was pulled into strong arms and brought against the man's broad chest.
-~-~-~-~
Kinley awoke with a start. He had dreamed that he had made love to an eager and willing Kane who had not only fucked him so good he could still feel it now that he was awake but had held him as if he were precious before drifting off to sleep. Hell even now he felt so warm and comfortable and – Popping his eyes open he bolted up into a sitting position. His mouth dropping open as he looked around his brother's old room, then down at his naked chest which sported more than one love bite.
"No fucking way," he muttered, feeling not only dirty but like he had just committed the worst crime at all possible. Which in his mind wasn't far from the truth. Shaking his head he pulled the cover away from his body and stood swiftly, the sharp ache in his bottom and spine dissipated any other possible explanation for him being here. Not that there was many involving him, naked in his brother's old bed.
Looking around the room to ensure there was no Kane around he somehow managed to hear the shower from the adjoining bathroom over his pounding heart. He made quick work of finding his clothes, intent on getting out of the room and apartment before he had to face what he had done. Luck, however, was not on his side and no sooner had he pulled on his shoes than a damp Kane made his way into the room wearing nothing but a towel around his waist, another towel over his head as the man dried his hair.
He stood frozen, ashamed of the arousal the man's present state brought as well as the knowledge that his brother was dead not only five days before he was fucking his leftovers. He felt like a whore.
"Kinley?" Kane's smooth-as-silk voice called as he moved to stand before the crestfallen boy. "What's the matter?"
Kinley looked up at that concerned face and felt a violent rage well up within him. Before he could even think he had drawn his fist back and punched the bigger man in his face. "You … you faithless bastard!" he screeched, ignoring the shocked expression on the man's face and instead focusing on the glare that came after his insult. "Claiming to love my brother so much and then turning around, days after his demise, and fucking someone … me. You make me fucking sick!"
"Calm down, kid, I'm sure you're upset but we can -"
"We? We can't do anything! You've already fucked Max's life up so much he's gone! Are you going to do the same to me? Why not? Right? I'm a fucking whore just like you!"
Kane stared at the smaller boy before him, barely registering what was happening, much less the pain in his cheek. He hadn't known what to expect, but he knew that he had hoped for a chance to at least try to be with the boy. But he could see now that talking to him in this state of mind would do little more than get him angrier. He was still stunned, however, at how readily the boy blamed him for ruining his older brother's life when he had done nothing but help him or at least try to. But it seemed despite all his trials with his now deceased lover he had failed and failed miserably.
"What? Nothing to say? Typical!"
"I never did anything but help your brother, Kinley. I loved him and even though I felt miserable half the time I still stayed with him because I loved him," he said, his eyes narrowing, "Where the fuck do you get off coming in here and accusing me of ruining his life? If anything I kept him going these last few years!"
"And that justifies fucking his kid brother days after his death?"
"First off, his kid brother didn't seem to have too much trouble getting fucked by yours truly -"
"Fuck you! I don't know what was going through my head, but you could have stopped!"
Kane stared at him incredulously. Yes, he was a man and yes, he had lived with Max's accusations for these past three years but he was sick and fucking tired of being blamed for every-goddamn-thing. "Well, never look a gift horse in the mouth," he heard himself snap. However, upon hearing Kinley's outraged gasp, he found himself apologizing before the other man could say anything more. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that at all. I just … I don't know what I was thinking beforehand other than you were – are – the most gorgeous creature I have ever seen and all too eager to be with me. I wanted you, Kinley, just like I want you now."
"Just like you wanted Max?" Kinley spat out, his mind tearing apart the words he had always dreamed of hearing from the guy he had always dreamed of being with.
"No," he ground out, "I don't think I've ever wanted him as much as I want you. I stayed with him because he needed me and yes, on some level, I did love him. But if I had ever thought, even for a second, that you returned just some of the feelings I feel for you then I would have broken it off with him … for you."
Kinley was momentarily shocked, but too prideful and ashamed to allow the man's words to affect him too much just now. "Max didn't need you. Or at least he wouldn't have if you didn't bring him into all that shit. Not that you even know what I'm talking about!"
"Max was a grown ass man and knew exactly what he was getting himself into. I couldn't force him to stop what he was doing anymore than I can force you to see some fucking reason. You both do what you want to do and don't really give a fuck who you hurt in the process," Kane said, losing some steam. "I just pretty much told you I loved you – which I do – and you just brushed it off, intent on fighting. Well, fuck that. I'm done fighting for the moment." Having said that he made his way back into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
He came out a few moments later to an empty apartment to match his now hollow heart.
-~-~-~-~
"Jessie …" Kane ground out, taking his best friend and co-owner of their newly opened tattoo parlor, by the arm and all but pulling him into the back room. "What the fuck is he doing here?"
He had come into work only a few moments ago to meet the cold stare of the boy who's brush off had been damn near as painful as his former lover's death. He hadn't seen the boy since the day of their argument and had somehow managed to work all of his hurt into one big ball of bitter anger and cynicism. All of which he felt no qualms in directing at the boy who had made him feel thusly. Not that Kinley would give a flying fuck, just like he so clearly didn't give a fuck about him.
Jessie sighed, recognizing the redhead's hostile tone and body language as a sure sign of things to come. "Look, Kane, you are my best friend but Kinley is also my friend. He came to me wanting a change in careers and I offered to let him apprentice here. I don't he thought you would be coming back here when he heard you had left for home."
"You knew I was coming back, why didn't you tell him?"
"I'm not in this, man. I know you guys have issues but I will not take sides," the tall brunette said, crossing his arms. Despite his refusal to pick sides, Jessie still felt like an asshole. He had known what went down between Kane and Kinley but when the younger guy came in looking for work he couldn't deny him. A friend was a friend and despite all that, he didn't think this rift between the men would last too long. In his opinion both men had gotten what they wanted – each other. His own feelings were probably what drove Kinley away and was what would bring him back to Kane … he hoped anyway.
Kane shook his head, fighting his first impulse, which was to go the fuck off and possibly make some bad decisions. However, not wanting to let Kinley know just how much his actions affected him, he strived to calm himself and accept his friend's decision. "Fine. But this is fucked up, you asshole, and some retribution will be forthcoming."
"Thanks for the heads up," Jessie grinned, pushing Kane lightly before making his way back out into the parlor.