Yesterday was bad. It was just bad. You-know-who came to see me at Starbucks. When I turned around and saw him, I swear, it was like my heart stopped beating. I swear it did. I couldn't breathe for a second when his eyes met mine and it hurt, but it felt like flying. So I went to take my ten to sit with him and talk... And I was shaking. I was shaking really, really badly. I didn't want him to just think I was being a freak or something, so I mentioned how cold it was outside. Either he believed me or he just didn't want to press the matter, because he actually offered to let me wear his hoodie. I found this immensely ironic since the first time I actually hung out with him, he did that. It was a moment during which I wanted to bang my head on the wall until I just died.
And it isn't helping that I've got Mr. Brightside stuck in my head.
Anyway, he talked, I listened. It was nice, I guess. It's always nice to know someone who likes to talk about themselves as much as I like to talk about myself. Then he mentioned that he'd been thinking about his ex-girlfriend. Yet again, my heart stopped. It was an "oh, really?" moment, with a tight smile and false interest. I wanted to die. Again. He's good at making me wish I were dead.
Anyway, eventually, my new coworker Myles came outside to ask what I had done from the duty roster, which is code for "your break's up." I knew. It had been seventeen minutes actually. And it was supposed to be ten minutes, as I said before. But how can I tear myself away from this guy? It's damn near impossible, but I did it anyway.
I ran to the back of the store and immediately felt tears in my eyes. I was trying to fight it, but then Timmy came in the back and asked me what was wrong and... It was like fucking Niagara. I was really loud, and shaking all over, tears just pouring down my face. I must have looked like such a child. But really, it hurt so badly. I felt like I was going to die no matter what anyone said. All those "he doesn't deserve you"s and those "you'll find someone even better"s and the compliments and the comfort do NOT help. They just confuse me.
Why would any guy hurt me like that if I was so fucking perfect?
Don't lie to me.