Blisslessness

I won't sleep
That's for people who want to dream

And if I lay there long enough
Maybe I'll find some way to tap
That conscious border
To grasp control over nightmares
Instead of living them with open eyes

Roll around and try to suffocate myself
With the pillow you used
So I don't have to think of
Other things
That get in my head and roll around on their own
And I don't want them to
Because it drives me crazy
So I get up and pacerace
Then lay down again
To a beating heart
That moves both for you
And writhes at what's above you
Or around you or all over you
And it's my fault, I, murderer