sometimes, i wonder how you feel.
sometimes,.. i want to love. you.
[but i know i can't]

i think i'm too selfish for that to happen?
now,
i'm outside, i see all your beauty,
i want to repent all my sins.
[or, at least, that's how i interpreted it.]

no.
no.
no, i don't...
i forgot what i was going to say.
it must not have been important.
[what if it was?]

i think i miss you.
i think. i'm crying. and it's.. over you?
i'm not sure, to tell you the truth.
i'm not even sure if you are really out there?
maybe it was just me and my imagination and too much free time?
i can't say i love you, i already said i didn't...
couldn't...
but, i guess, those two really aren't the same thing.

so i hear our song,
it's the piano, the ..pulling? notes that get to me every time, more than any spoken lyric. i hear it, and think of you, your (imaginary?) face, and then, the words start.
and what i feel.. it's all the pianos fault.

you see, i don't think you understand, you don't, that's all there is to it. but then, it would help if you could just be here. see, i can't say you are gone, when i don't know if you were ever here to begin with. and i can't say i want to be with you for forever, but i do know that i you need now. now. no, i'm not impatient, just that sad artistic wanting of every beautynotintheconventionalway.

i wish i could see you.

i wish i could be near you.

i want to be with you.

please.

nov. 11 '09