a/n: This was supposed to be a satirical newspaper article; however, I suck at writing satire.


One would expect every high school to have its fair share of drama and rumors flying about, but the twisted game of "telephone" Spring Valley High School has been playing lately is simply getting out of hand. The students at SVHS take humor in ridiculing their peers and spreading false information to an extreme and disturbing extent. Worse yet, the faculty within the school seem to take folly in joining in.

One office aid was heard commenting on the figure of a student at school recently, saying "that girl's gained a serious amount of weight this year." Other students were in the office at the time, and quickly carried the information to their classmates. Fortunately, these students were ready to defend their peer in this situation.

Other students cannot always be so lucky. Another rumor, started in the early weeks of the 2009 school year, is still circulating. This particular piece of nastiness, which involves the dirty details of one student's alleged sex-life, has been flitting in and out of classrooms for several weeks. The catty remarks about her choice in boyfriend and the questions about her life after school have followed her within the school for much too long.

The drama mill has been hard at work this year; it has produced more ridiculous b.s. this year than any other year in memory. Friendships and relationships that have existed for years have been ruined in days by the rumors spread in the past few months. Perhaps most disturbing is the pleasure some students take in knowing that they are ruining their peers' relationships.

Along with heightened drama mill production, cliques have been forming. The students at SVHS, a usually open and accepting group, have been behaving abnormally. Strangely enough, the tension started growing around the time of President Obama's election. President Obama, the most liberal president in American history, has been sparking thousands of such "drama epidemics." Teens and adults everywhere are finding themselves plagued by drama and stories so packed with crap, they threaten bursting and covering everyone within range in a thick layer of feces.

A year ago, the students at SVHS would have been ready to go to the extremes defend and protect each other. Now, each student is just itching for his or her chance to tear others apart. The locker bays are abuzz with curses and name-calling. Students lack the respect for their teachers and each other that they so recently grasped.

It is depressing to see that this is the future of America: a group of rowdy, name-calling, rumor-spreading, disrespecting, insolent children not willing, ready, or capable of sympathy and caring.