A/N: This is a rewrite of the first chapter which, in light of everything that happened in the next 30 or so, desperately needed it. I may rewrite chapter 2 as well.
This may be hard to believe, given what's happened, but I've never had the desire to kiss a boy before. I've never wanted to kiss anyone before; just the thought of taking steps towards that particular social interaction made my stomach rise up into my throat. Plus, it's not like there was any living person out there that ever wanted to kiss me.
Well, I guess, at this point, that last part is not exactly true.
After all, there I was, standing just behind a crowded, noisy house, at a Halloween party I should never have gone to, with a pair of warm, soft, decidedly male lips pressed against my own.
I was not expecting this.
I had just been debating calling my Dad to come pick me up very, very early, when a I felt a pair of hand on my shoulders, and heard a whisper in my ears.
"Sorry for this."
And then there were lips. Lips on mine. Lips for what felt like quite a long time. I felt my hands gesturing through the air, unsure what to do with this sudden intruder into my personal bubble. All my brain could process was the pressure on my lips. And then the flood of warmth spreading across my face. And then a soft, electric tingling that was coursing through my body, and the strong urge to wrap my arms around this person and pull them closer.
And then it was done. And I was just barely cogent enough to realize that those were some really weird feeling I was experiencing at the end there.
Suddenly, I was able to see my assailant clearly for the first time. I looked up to see blonde hair, green eyes, and a wry smile that had a tinge of nervousness behind it. He was probably the only person at this party that I could identify on sight. After all, Cole Adams was pretty much the most beloved, well known guy in my sophomore class.
And he had just kissed me.
Then there was another boy I didn't recognize. He was larger than me too, but in a much scarier way, and the look on his face made me desperately want to be anywhere but there. There weren't enough witnesses around to protect me from the scenarios flashing through my brain.
I shook my head, desperate to bring my focus back to what was going on around me, and realized the two were talking.
"See, Devon. I've found someone else. Now kindly, leave me the fuck alone." Cole was glaring daggers at the teen standing a few feet away from us. I assumed he was Devon.
"So, you his new fucktoy?" Devon snarled at me, looking slightly out of breath. Even if I had known how to respond to that, I'm not sure I was physically able to form words. My stomach was doing a fucking gymnastics routine inside of me.
See, Jeremy? This is why you should never go to parties, even if you do get an invitation out of nowhere, and even if your parents get ecstatic at the idea of you having a social life. I really should have known better.
"No, you jackass." I felt an arm snake around my waist and suddenly I was being pulled closer to Cole's side. He felt warm, and strong; I looked at him, eyes wide. "Stop being such a sore loser and just fuck off."
"Stop bullshitting me, Cole, this kid looks scared shitless." Was that what I was feeling? Fear? Yeah, that was probably correct. "I bet you don't even know his name!" Devon took a step closer, but Cole didn't back down. Even though I really, really wanted him to.
"His name is Jeremy, fuck-face." Now, as weird as this whole things was, discovering that Cole Adams even knew my name was the most surprising event of the night. And we haven't even gotten to the stuff that will happen later. "Now would you kindly fuck off, and leave me alone with my new boyfriend?"
Boyfriend? Man, from fucktoy to boyfriend in seconds, I was really moving up in the world. Wait, no, that was a strange thought, give me a minute.
Devon took another step forwards, but then hesitated.
"Go." Cole glared beside me.
Still clearly furious, but now shaking his head, Devon slowly but surely stepped back around the corner of the house. "Fuck you," he spat, and I'm not sure who it was directed at, but then he was gone.
A wave of relief ran through me, knocking the strength out of my legs as I leaned into Cole's side. It was a second before I realized what I was doing, and summon the strength to extricate myself from the blond's grip.
"Wha-Who… I… What?" So many questions were fighting to get out of my head that the best I could do was make a fool of myself.
"Thanks for that," Cole smiled lightly, patting me on the back. "And, uh… sorry, again. If he gives you any shit, just find me, yeah?" He smiled. And then he just turned and walked away, disappearing into the crowded house.
Which is when I could finally get the words out.
"What the fuck!" I yelled, surprised by the volume of my own voice. A few people near the back door turned around, giving me a questioning look before returning to the party and probably forgetting I even existed, like most people.
My first kiss! What the fuck. What the fuck! That was my first kiss! That!? Ignoring every voice in my head telling me to just call my Dad and get out of there, I plunged into the churning mass in the house, and began searching out the blond bastard. He had a lot of explaining to do.
It took me much longer to find him than I expected. Long enough for my anger to fade, and the questioning to come back full force. But I pushed on, and eventually wandered onto the second floor balcony just as a large group of kids was leaving, and there he was. The night was chilly, and he was looking out over the street, unaware of my presence. He took a few long swigs out of a red plastic cup while I stood in the doorway.
God how I did not want to approach him, every part of me wanted to run. Well, almost every part. A large part of me was still screaming 'what the FUCK!' and demanding answers. And maybe a small part of me was telling me to go to him for a different reason. If this had been just a few months earlier, I never could have reached out to grab his shoulder, but I had been working on self confidence lately and I really wanted answers.
"What the…" Most of my anger deflated when Cole turned around and a look of pleasant surprise passed over his face. "What the fuck?" It came out as more of a whispered question than the indignant demand I had planned. Maybe I needed to work more on that self confidence thing.
"Jeremy Baker! You're still here! Enjoying the party?" He smiled widely at me and offered me his cup. I shook my head, struck silent by his unexpected response. "Oh…" he frowned, his emotions were so evident on his face. I realized he was probably drunk.
"Because of the… kiss thing?" he asked, examining his empty cup. "Sorry about that. Devon, he's my ex. He was bein' sorta… douche-y." He turned back around and started looking up at the stars. Did he… did he think that was a decent explanation?
"What the fuck?" I asked again, apparently having been reduced to that single phrase. Cole turned back around, another smile on his face, but this one was a little sad.
"Couldn't get the bastard to leave me alone. He even chased after me when I ran, sayin' I needed to take him back, and generally being an asshole, ya' know?" I did not know. He continued, anyway. "I was pretty desperate to get him to disappear so I decided to do like in those movies and convince him I'd already found someone else. And then," he gestured to me. "Thanks, man. I owe you."
When he pulled me into a surprise hug, I let out a squeak, which was only the fifth most embarrassing part of my night. "Bu-but why me?" I asked, my voice cracking a little as I sputtered.
"Well," he said, leaning back onto the bannister, "I saw you, and you were all alone, you weren't with any friends or anything." I winced, slightly. It's not like I had any friends to be with. "And I realized anyone else and there would have been rumors to deal with, but you? No one really cares, right? I bet no one else even noticed."
I felt my heart drop. Well, he sure hit that nail right on the head. No one noticing, or caring, that was pretty much my everyday reality. I should have known it was something like that. Do something with the guy no one pays attention to, and no one will even care enough to remember. "Oh…" I muttered.
I quietly turned to leave, but realized he had never let go of my arm from the hug as he pulled me back. I stumbled and almost fell into his chest, which really would have just been the cherry on top of this embarrassment of a night.
"You sound disappointed by my answer," Cole said quietly. I looked up and saw that he was smirking at me, with strong, unbroken eye contact. Even as socially clueless as I was, I knew those words had more meaning behind them. Suddenly my heart was pounding between my ears and my stomach was doing flips in my throat.
"I...n-no…" His arm was around me now, and for the second time that night I was met with this intense feeling of warmth as I was pulled closer to him. Is this always what it's like to be this close to another person, this intense heat? And why did my face feel so warm too?
"You sure?" his smile was growing as his voice grew quieter; I felt a shiver go down my spine. "If you want, I could kiss you again and see if I come up with any other, uh… reasons."
"A-again?!" My face was on fire now. Ostensibly, having assumed heterosexuality my entire life, I should have pushed him away and ran. There was certainly part of me that was saying to do just that. But another, strangely loud part was reminding me of that electric tingling sensation from the first kiss, and screaming at me to go after that again.
"Like the fact that you look really cute when you're blushing." Suddenly I couldn't stand to look him in the eye any longer. Which is why, despite our close proximity, I jumped with surprise when he brought his lips down to within an inch of my own.
"Cute?" I squeaked again. Kill me.
He didn't answer. He didn't have to answer, because for the second time that night his lips descended onto mine and that soft, warm pressure was sending chills down my spine and…
He pulled back again, and I nearly swore as a sudden gust of cold air hit my face.
"Is this okay?" he asked, keeping his face close to mine, and I didn't know how to respond but suddenly I realized I was nodding. He chuckled before leaning back down and pressing his lips to mine again.
God, was all kissing like this? This wasn't fireworks, it was fire, filling me up from my lips down, defending me from the cold night as Cole's other hand began to wrap around my waist. Then he was pulling our hips together and holy shit it was like a bolt of lightning straight to my groin. If I could think, I would have been freaking out over the fact that I was supposed to be straight despite the sudden overabundance of evidence to the contrary. And anyway, I didn't have time to think, because my brain was burning up inside my head with every touch of Cole's lips against my own.
"Maybe we should take this inside," Cole muttered against my lips as an especially strong gust of wind hit us from the side. I shivered, less from the cold than the fact that all of my nerves were firing at 100%, and nodded again. And then Cole's hands were around my thighs as he lifted me up. Instinctively my legs wrapped around his waist, and he smiled widely at me.
"You're so light," he breathed out, pressing quick kisses to my neck as he easily walked us inside and then almost immediately into an otherwise empty room.
"You're just strong," and he was, I could feel his muscles under his shirt when he squeezed me to him. He laughed, a real, earnest, and friendly laugh before letting go of my legs and letting me fall with a yelp.
"You found your voice again," He smirked, as I looked up at him from the bed I suddenly found myself sitting on. He was already taller than me but now it felt like he was towering over me as I sat there. Maybe it was because he knew what he was doing. He ran a hand through his mess of blond hair. "Maybe it's the alcohol, but I wouldn't mind finding out what other noises I can get you to make."
Oh… alcohol. He leaned in and I began to feel him tugging at the hem of my shirt, but I summoned all of my waning determination and pulled back. "You're not… hey, wait, Cole, this isn't just like a drunk conquest thing, is it?" As awkward as this whole night was, I don't think I could handle my first kiss, my first… whatever this ended up as, just being a drunken escapade.
"Huh?" Cole pulled back just a bit, hovering over me, looking very confused.
"How drunk are… you?" I whispered, letting my eyes dart between his hand at the base of my shirt and his own intense green eyes.
"Oh," he smiled up at me. "Just a little. I was just joking. I only had like… two drinks. Don't worry, I know exactly what I'm doing." He leaned in again and apparently that was enough to quiet the voices in my head because there was no subsequent freakout. That is, until I felt his hands skirting up my sides, and I realized he was in the process of pulling off my shirt.
"Wait, wait!" But my shirt was already gone and Cole was halfway to peeling off his own before he stopped. Well, I sorta wanted that to continue. "No, you can finish taking that off. But then, wait!" He smiled and slipped his shirt over his head and gave me a full view of just how he had been able to carry me so easily. His torso was threaded with lean, defined muscle and suddenly I was feeling extremely inadequate being shirtless in the same room as him.
"What's up?" Cole asked, letting his shirt drop to the ground before sitting on the bed next to me. The points where his skin pressed against mine felt like I was leaning up against a comfortably warm radiator.
It took me a full minute before I could get myself focused enough to compose a coherent sentence. "What are we… doing?" I felt a nervous smile grace my lips, "I've never, um, done… this… before."
"Well," Cole leaned in, using his free hand to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear and I nearly collapsed into his touch. I had honestly resigned myself to never being touched like this, or at least not until I was much older. This blew away my expectations, slowly burning away the fear and questions I should have been experiencing. "We can do as much as you want," he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of my mouth. "Though you really are hard to resist when you blush like that."
"And, like…" I swallowed hard and realized his hand was now tracing its way up my thigh, "after...wards?"
"We can see how we feel," he smiled, "but I am newly single." A wink, and I felt my face catch fire. "And one night stands aren't really my thing, Jeremy Baker, so maybe we should get to know each other a little… better." Oh my god, how is he so smooth?
With that, he pulled me down onto the bed and I didn't resist. I didn't even want to resist. I mean, let's face it, who wouldn't want to have their first time to be with someone so charming, and gorgeous, and oh god talented with his mouth. I had just enough time to give passing thought to the hope that the door was locked before all spare thoughts were obliterated as Cole's mouth found my neck, and our chests pressed together. I couldn't even freak out as his hand travelled down to squeeze my ass and press our hips together, just let out a soft gasp.
I was following his lead, completely clueless but suddenly very eager to learn. And Cole was happy to teach.
"Okay?" he asked as his fingers ghosted over my navel and started to pull open my pants. I nodded. In the blink of an eye, my pants were off and then so were his. And then I had a whole source of new pleasure to learn about as our bodies pressed together with only a thin layer of fabric between us.
I gasped as his hand slipped under the back of my boxers. "Want me to keep going?" He waited for me to nod, because words were impossible, and then I was naked, and he was naked and on top of me, practically pinning me to the bed.
"What do you want me to do?" his voice was breathy, whispered right against my ear as he pressed our bodies together. And as he pressed me down into this stranger's bed, I realized that I was, surprisingly, perfectly comfortable with the idea of him doing whatever he wanted. I mean, it's not like I was ever the type of guy who thought virginity was a super important concept, but I had always expected this moment would have more fanfare and nerves. Well, not this moment. I had never expected this exact moment. But I felt strangely serene as Cole slid down my body, pressing feather light kisses all the way down to my navel.
"Do you want me too…" As his hand grasped my dick for the first time, I almost squeaked again, but I kept it in. 'I want you to fuck the last remnants of hetersexuality out of me,' I heard echo through my thoughts as he started to stroke me, and I don't know where that came from, but I think it was right.
"I want you to… fuck," was all I could get out before I felt his mouth replace his hand and I was in heaven. His hands went to my hips, keeping me from bucking into his warm mouth as I got my first ever blowjob. I swear, the only thing that kept me from finishing in ten seconds was the fact that I was having an out of body experience.
My soul was sucked back into my body as I felt the completely foreign experience of someone's finger pressing lightly against my ass. Cole must have heard me practically choking because he stopped his oral ministrations for a second to ask, "Is this okay?" While swirling a slicked finger around my opening. At the edges of my mind I could feel my fears trying to claw their way back to the forefront, but I steeled my psyche and pushed them away. Everything had been so amazing so far, I realized that deep down, I trusted this boy who was between my legs. Plus, I really wanted him to get back to what he was doing.
"Y-yeah." I choked out.
Cole did his best to distract me with his mouth as his finger pushed inside me, but I was still filled with a feeling of invasion and fullness. It was strange, but it didn't hurt, at least not with one finger. I looked down at Cole and realized that if this continued I would eventually need to be able to take a lot more than just a finger. My thoughts were cut short with a gasp as Cole rubbed up against something inside me and my body simultaneously caught fire and crackled with electricity. I whined as the sensation disappeared, only to be silenced by the feeling of two fingers pushing inside me. A few minutes later, there were three. I could hear myself moaning as a feeling of urgency started to build up inside me. I was close. So close. Too close.
Fighting against my animal instincts, I pulled Cole off my dick and up to my face, both to keep from shooting down his throat too soon, and because I desperately wanted more kisses. He complied, kissing deeply while simultaneously reaching back for something. I didn't see what it was until he pulled back, but I was happy to see him rolling on a condom.
"You said you've never done this before, right?" he whispered, reaching out and slowly stroking me again. I thought I had calmed down but at his touch I was right there, just steps from the edge again.
I nodded, sure I would be blushing if all of my extra blood was currently preoccupied elsewhere.
"Don't worry," Cole leaned down, lips brushing lightly over my ear as he whispered. I shuddered at his light touch. "If this is too much, just tell me, okay?"
He pulled back a few inches to looks at me as I felt his dick up against my ass for the first time. His stare was intense and full of lust, he was obviously very horny at this point, but there was also kindness, and happiness. His swollen lips turned up into a smile, and I realized he was waiting for me to respond.
"Okay," I whispered, hoping he could sense my trust. I mean, no turning back now, right?
His first attempts to push inside were met with too much resistance from my traitor of a body. I started to worry that it wouldn't work when Cole leaned down and started whispering in my ear again. "It's okay… relax… It's going to be fine…" He coached me, reaching down and lining himself up again.
As his words reverberated in my skull I began to feel my body relax in places I didn't even know I was clenching. My shoulders first, fell back against the pillow, then my arms relaxed around his neck. My breathing slowed and my whole torso seems to melt into the bed as he slowly pressed into me.
If I had thought I felt full before, as Cole slid into me slowly I was ready to burst. It was a lot. A few times, it was too much, and I had to ask him to stop, or back up, and he always did. His hand made its way back to my dick and he started stroking me, and that combined with his leaning down to kiss me successfully distracted me enough to push all the way in.
It felt weird. It hurt a little, but not as much as I had been worried. Cole stayed pressed up against me for a few seconds before slowly starting to pull back. Never letting go of our kiss, he started to pump in and out, and within a few seconds the pain faded. A few seconds later the pleasure started to build, and Cole's thrusts were getting faster.
"Fuck!" I whispered into his mouth, feeling tremors running through my body. Cole's mouth left mine and started traveling down my neck again, trailing light bites and kisses everywhere it went.
"Fuck!" he whispered against my shoulder, speeding up his thrusts and the strokes of his hand in concert. The feeling was starting to be too much, I'm not even sure how I lasted that long in the first place. I was just glad I had been able to hold off when we had first gotten naked.
"Cole…" I whined, throwing my head back against the bed as he bit down on the pulse at my neck…
And that was all it took. With a grunt, I felt myself release all over his hand. A few seconds later, Cole's breath became short and ragged and I felt him pulse inside of me, quickly stopping his trusts.
"Damn," he whispered, falling onto the bed beside me. "Are you sure that was your first time?" He cracked a smile, rolling onto his side to face me.
I was too exhausted to respond, too tired even to blush.
"The party's probably winding down by now," Cole whispered, sounding pretty tired himself. "Want to just stay here?"
I nodded, and felt as he sluggishly pulled my body towards his. That comfortable heat was back again as he pulled the sheets around us. "That was fun," I muttered into his chest.
"Yeah," he said with a chuckle. "But I think I owe you dinner now. You free tomorrow?"
The last thing I remember before I passed out was nodding with a smile.
JEREMY&COLE
I woke up when a beam of sunlight finished its journey of millions of miles by hitting me directly in the face. A moment of confusion at the body pressed up against me was only magnified by the fact that I wasn't in my room. I looked down and saw messy blond hair and a serenely sleeping face.
It wasn't a dream
I was sure it had been a dream. That was the only possible explanation. But now I was awake and in bed with the school's most popular boy and my ass was sore and…
Someone was banging on the door.
"Hey, open up!" The voice on the other side of the door was muffled but still loud enough to rouse the boy next to me. Shit. Shit shit shit. Not even enough time for a proper freak out.
"Oh, hey," Cole looked up at me with a sleepy smile, completely ignoring the banging. "You have fun?"
Without thinking I nodded. Well, fun, yeah… I would say that had been fun. The banging started getting louder and the knob started rattling. "C'mon, this is my room!"
Instead of getting up, Cole, just reached over and pulled me into a kiss. This one was soft, and full of sleep, and so different from the ones the night before. Those kisses were fire, this one was just a warm cup of coffee. But that's exactly what I needed. We were still kissing like that, slowly waking each other up, when the door finally slammed open.