& the truth is
that i still love him, i
still need him & adore
him. i think about him
every second of every
day, & i wish he would
tell me the same. i wish
he would still put up
with me, & care for me, &
tell me things over & over
again. i wish he'd compliment
me--tell me i'm pretty. [radiant. he's

- N – E – V – E – R -

said radiant to me.] remind
me to make my hair look nice,
or maybe do my nails, or maybe
even wear a pretty shirt, but

- S U R P R I S E - S U R P R I S E -

i fucked up
& shoved him out of my life, traded
him in for someone else
that will never do those things for me
or even know how much it meant
to me, & now
here i am, all alone, tears streaming
down my (once-)beautiful face,
without the words that kept me
alive for so long &
no reason to continue on.

a/n: Do you remember the night we tried to think of a word he'd never said to me before?
The same night that we made fun of Keygan's dream,
& slept on my trampoline.
[What does it matter? You're not reading anyway.]