Made: Monday, November 30, 2009

Time: 10:26p.m

--

I have to know,

I can't wait any longer.

There's just no way

That I could be any fonder

Of hope and betrayal

Of the worst kind.

Add in some insanity;

I'm out of my mind.

Is it my fault or yours

That we ended up this way?

Drifting further apart,

Day after day.

I just can't help

But blame myself;

It has to be my fault.

And the hand has been dealt

Through fate's game.

This wasn't meant to be.

They said we looked good together,

But neither of us can see.

We used to talk constantly,

Whether is sight or afar,

Now it's a word or two.

Well, less, so far.

I tell them it's your fault,

But it's through my shame.

Only you and I know

That I'm the one to blame.

I could say I'm sorry,

But what good would it do?

I'm getting angry;

Drifting further from you.

I've had some bad thoughts—

Did you know this?—

Cuts and suicide,

Since our last kiss.

I miss being with you,

But at the same time I don't.

It's too late for a choice now.

Taking you through the pain, I won't.

I say I did it for the best—

For you or for me?

My mind is lying.

I just want to be free

Of all this torment

And shame.

I hate myself and don't love you;

Another lie to be tamed.

I wonder why I'm writing this

And who I'm writing for.

This paper is invisible.

The pen dropped on the floor.

You say you still love me,

And care for me more,

So I heighten my hopes,

With my mind torn.

You say you will help

As my insanity grows,

Care for and protect me.

Then you never show.

So then I ask myself

Once again, in dismay,

Was it my fault or yours

That we are not together this day?