"Something's wrong," I heard a voice murmur.

Yes. Something was wrong. I frowned, trying to remember what exactly, but my mind shied away from it. Well, later perhaps. I was listening to the most beautiful voice in the world.

"Why hasn't she woken up?"

I rolled my eyes at the impatience and concern in the voice that drew me to it like a magnet. I would wake up when I wanted to. I was tired. Couldn't he see that?

"The others were worried. I couldn't tell them what was going on. This is family business."

Others? What others? Then I remembered Sally, Keith, Tamera, Leo, Quail… Ah, those others.

I groaned. I could slowly feel myself waking up. My head hurt like a truck had rolled over it. I frowned again, still trying to remember. Maybe it had. Maybe that was what was wrong.

"Fawn, can you hear me?" the gorgeous voice whispered.

Of course I can, you idiot, I sighed to myself.

"See Jack? She's coming around." I heard strained, hoarse laughter. Oh. I hadn't meant to say those words aloud.

I opened my eyes. I was staring at the ceiling, lying on something that wasn't comfortable, and that smelled very, very bad. I sat up, clutching at my head slightly when it spun. Jack came into focus, gazing at me anxiously. I shied away from his distress, instead looking around, getting my bearings back.

Maria was next to me, slightly to my right. Her smile was strained as she helped me stand. May was still asleep.

"You fainted," Jack blurted, stating the obvious. His hands reached toward me, and I allowed him to crush me against his chest, taking what comfort I could from his smoke-and-horse scent. I realized that what I had been lying on was a hospital gurney.

A doctor – Dr. Anderson, I remembered – hurried over to us, his face inscrutable. "Are you okay?" he asked me. He looked young, and nervous. A new doctor.

"What happened to my mom?" I asked, everything coming back in a rush. No, it didn't really come back. I had known, even in my unconscious state, even back at the campfire when Jack had first taken Maria's call, that something was wrong with my mom. My being had instinctively shied away from that pain, and that knowledge. It was natural for the human mind to protect itself. My mind had done just that.

"She has a broken leg, two broken ribs, one cracked rib, a concussion, and some internal bleeding that we had to operate on. It's stopped, but she's still in critical care."

I bit my lip so hard it bled. She was hurt. She was hurt very, very badly. "I asked what happened, not what was wrong," I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut. I didn't want to hear it, because I knew what had happened.

"It seems as though her car swerved off the road and hit a tree."

I licked my bleeding lip. "Thanks," I whispered. "Can I see her?"

The doctor seemed to hesitate. "In a few moments. She'll be settled into her own room shortly." I nodded and the doctor left.

I turned blindly, and Jack helped guide me to a seat. "She's going to be okay," he whispered, squeezing my arm.

"No, she isn't," I mumbled, shrugging his arm away for the first time ever. He didn't seem offended; he rubbed my back as though he understood. But he didn't.

"Of course she is," Jack said bracingly. "Mel's tough – she'll be back to bossing me around in no time."

"No, she won't," I snapped. I looked up at him, meeting his hurt gaze. I knew he was trying to comfort me, but what comfort could he possibly offer when they were going to take me away from her?

"What are you talking about?" Jack demanded in a whisper. I was vaguely aware of Maria's eyes on us, but I couldn't speak.

The doctor saved me, unlikely savior though he was. "Your mother is in her own room. We're keeping her sedated tonight, but you can see her if you like."

I stood up quickly, ignoring Jack's hand on my arm and Maria's offer to come with me. I walked quickly away from them and followed Dr. Anderson to Mom's room. It wasn't far from the nurses' station and there was a big clear window so the nurses could see her.

I entered alone, heading over to my mom's still figure lying on the bed. She was hooked up to some machines, though I had no idea what they were for. I sat down next to her and bowed my head. It was too surreal. Just when everything had been going perfectly, it had all spun out of control. Now I was sitting in the hospital, watching one of the people I loved the most lying on a hospital bed in plaster.

"How could you have done this to me?" I hissed suddenly, my anger boiling over. My hands were shaking; I clasped them in my lap. "You – You and Dad never really cared, did you? Why did you bother to have me if you're just going to leave me all the time?"

My vision blurred. I gulped desperately, trying to get myself under control. I pursed my lips and turned my head sharply away as a nurse entered the room, adjusted something on my mom's arm, and left again.

I sat there in the darkness for who knew how long. My emotions fluctuated between scared and helpless to ragingly angry and betrayed. My whole being seemed to totter on a precipice, ready to fall over at the slightest push.

A warm hand closed over my shoulder and I gasped, spinning around so that I bashed my knee against the side of the chair.

Jack knelt beside me, taking my hand. "I understand now," he whispered to me. He kissed my forehead, staring into my eyes. "I'm sorry." I knew that Maria must have explained.

"How could she have done this to me?" I mumbled into his shoulder, crushing myself against him. I needed his comfort so badly right now. He held me tight.

Jack didn't answer, but he stood up slowly, taking both my hands in his. "It's almost five in the morning," he murmured to me. "We can come back tomorrow, but you need to rest."

I realized that I had been awake for almost twenty-four hours. But I stared down at my mom, torn. "I can't leave her," I said numbly.

"The doctors said they were going to keep her sedated for a little while longer," Jack told me. "They said they would call if anything changed, or if she woke up."

I stared up at him now, my eyes pleading. "What if she tries to hurt herself again when she wakes up?" I spoke softly, unable to bring my voice above a whisper.

"They can watch her," Jack reassured me. "They won't let anything happen to her, Fawn. But you need some sleep."

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and guided me out of the critical care unit, down the hall, and into the lobby. Maria and May were gone, probably to go home and get some sleep. I remembered that May had a riding competition later that day.

The ride was almost silent. I was falling asleep when we pulled into the ranch yard. The sun was just beginning to rise over the ridge, but I could barely appreciate the beauty. Everything seemed very dark.

Jack helped me up into my room. He gently pulled my shoes off, stripped me of my jeans, and pulled off the blue over-sweater that had covered the warm, insulated white shirt. I curled myself under my covers, my eyelids already heavy. I noticed Jack about to leave and I reached out a hand to him.

"Stay," I said thickly. He seemed to hesitate before smiling. He stripped off his boots and shirt. I scooted over to make room for him and he curled up under the covers with me. I fell asleep with his arm wrapped over my waist again.

*

Jack was gone when I woke up – I knew that he had gone to do the barn chores. I got up, throwing on my work clothes. The only thing I could think to do was immerse myself in the ranch. There was always a time and place to throw a real pity party, but this wasn't it.

I ran downstairs, ignoring the eyes of Maria and May, who were eating breakfast. They didn't try to stop me as I hurried outside and threw myself into the mucking out of the stalls. I saw Jack in the distance, exercising Nicholas. He had left the stalls for me and I appreciated it because I was in no condition to work on a horse.

I mucked out all eighteen stalls, my hair falling out of its ponytail by the time I was done. My body welcomed the physical labor; I managed to blank my mind and clean the stalls through muscle memory only. It was a huge relief.

Jack walked over to me and handed me a warm napkin. I opened it to reveal a blueberry muffin sitting inside. I whispered a quick thank you and dug in; I was actually starving.

"What time is it?" I asked when I finished. Gray clouds covered the horizon, reflecting my mood. It was impossible to gauge where the sun should be.

"Around eleven," Jack said quietly. "I decided to let you sleep."

I scraped my boot on the ground. "You shouldn't have done that," I muttered.

I felt Jack's gentle smile; I looked up, and it was totally sympathetic. "It was almost time to get up by the time we got home, Fawn. You mind needed to relax after last night."

"I don't know," I whispered, remembering the terror that had jerked me awake several times last night.

"I do," Jack said firmly. "Let's go back up to the house." He seemed to see my hesitation because he prodded, "Just for a minute."

I followed slowly in his wake, wishing I could stay with the horses forever. No one had ever heard of a horse trying to kill itself.

May was sitting in the kitchen in jeans, small jodhpurs, boots, and a warm sweater. She was slapping her riding gloves anxiously against her hand. She gave me an innocent smile when I walked in. I was pretty sure that, as far as May was concerned, my mom really had been in a car accident.

Maria walked slowly into the room. I felt her eyes linger on me, assessing me. She probably thought that I was weak after that little fainting spell last night. Oh well.

She cleared her throat. "Um, I have a client coming today," Maria said hesitantly. I glanced up at her; her eyes were fierce, hard, not reflecting the reluctance she seemed to be showing.

"Best tell them to cancel," Jack said, glancing down at me.

"No. I can't do that and besides, Fawn, I'm not going to have you moping around that hospital waiting for your mom to wake up."

I gazed up at her, as shocked as though I had been slapped. "Maria," I began wearily, but she cut across me.

"Mel needs time to heal, Fawn. Give her that time."

I met her steely gaze and I realized then that Maria was giving me a choice. Now I could choose to go comfort my mom, who had chosen this for herself, or I could help a child who had no decision with their own disability.

The choice was obvious, but I stared at Maria incredulously, irate that she would make me do this. I felt as though I was betraying my mom. She needed me.

Does she? the evil little voice in my head whispered. She seemed ready enough for you to live without her.

I ducked my head, my throat suddenly clogged. Jack rested a large hand on my shoulder and I leaned my cheek against it as I heard the farmhouse door close.

"You don't have to do it, you know," Jack told me firmly. I looked up at him desperately, wanting his comfort more then anything but somehow unable to speak. He leaned down and kissed my mouth lovingly.

"I'll take you to the hospital, if you want," Jack offered. I saw him glance out at the stables, where the horses were beginning to get restless, waiting to be exercised. I knew he had so much work to do still, and I was supposed to help. Yet he still willingly picked up his truck keys, more then ready to take me.

Slowly, I shook my head. "Maria's right," I mumbled. "She didn't want me anyway."

"Hey," Jack said softly. I heard him set his keys down and suddenly his face swamped my view. His warm hands wrapped themselves around my knees as he crouched on his calves, tipping my face up so he could look into my eyes.

"Your mom's pretty confused right now, Fawn. It's not because she didn't want you, I'm sure of it. It's because she wanted you too much."

"What does that mean?" I asked, my curiosity piqued despite myself.

"She thought that you would be better of without her," Jack explained softly.

I looked at him, horrified. "How could she possibly think that?"

"I said she was confused," Jack said, not meeting my eyes. "But honestly – if you look at it… She married Frank, but he was terrible for you guys. Your dad killed himself," I winced, but he continued, "and she probably figured that she'd done enough…damage, I guess you could say."

I nodded, without looking at him now. "You could be right," I agreed in a whisper. I stood and hugged him. He crushed me to him, breathing his warm breath into my hair. I relaxed against him, just grateful that he was here today.

Then I gently disentangled myself from his arms, smiling up at him. He kissed me gently before letting me go. "I have to go get ready," I said with a small smile, my internal struggle over.

His grin was blinding and he ruffled my hair. "I'm proud of you," he told me, and I felt my heart miss a beat before he walked out of the door, clearly getting back to work.

I went and changed into a different, cleaner pair of jeans. I was mentally readying myself for what I was going to do. I stared at myself in the mirror, at my red-rimmed eyes, the heavy bags under them, and my messy hair. Oh well. I doubted the kid would see any difference with me anyway.

I braided my hair again and went to saddle Nicholas, who would be giving his first therapy ride today. The special therapy saddle only threw me for a few moments; I figured it out fairly quickly, buckling the straps tightly around Nicholas's middle. The bay gelding snorted, nibbling at my hair. He knew he was going to work, and he was thrilled.

I tied Nicholas in the covered ring just as a car pulled up the driveway. I waited nervously. Nick, I reminded myself. The little boy had almost the same name as his horse. It shouldn't be too hard to remember.

A young boy was out of the car as soon as it stopped. He raced over to me, longish blonde hair flying. Nicholas snorted but didn't move; he had been trained to tolerate the kids, no matter what they did.

At first, I couldn't see anything wrong with the little boy. His movements were quick and effective, not awkward. He talked at a rapid pace to Nicholas, who nuzzled the boy clinging to his mane. But then I noticed his face; half of it was gone, replaced by heavy scars. I forced myself not to stare, but I was revolted. What in the world had happened to him?

Nick's mom walked over to me. We shook hands.

"Are you a new employee?" Nick's mom, Ms. Shaffer, from what his card had said, asked.

"Not exactly," I said with a quick smile. It felt strange to smile; my face's muscles tautened in an unnatural way. "My mom and Maria are best friends; I live here now." I won't think about Mom, I won't, I won't, I coached myself, and this time it worked. I concentrated on Ms. Shaffer to catch her reply.

"Oh." But Ms. Shaffer was unable to disguise her curiosity fully.

I helped Nick mount. Nicholas didn't sidestep or fidget, even when the little boy clapped his legs against Nicholas's sides. Nicholas knew I was leading him, not Nick.

I forced myself to smile up at Nick. "Your horse's name is Nicholas, just like yours. Isn't that cool?"

Nick nodded, but his mouth turned downwards in a frown. I wondered what I had said but I had to concentrate on Nicholas. Pressing my hand soundly against his bay withers, I clicked my tongue and led him forward. Nicholas snorted, seemingly enjoying himself.

Ms. Shaffer walked besides her son. I frowned, but hid it from the overly-attentive mother. Nick's legs were strapped to Nicholas's saddle. The saddle would have to fall off before Nick did.

After Nick was comfortable, I broke into a jog, asking Nick to hang onto his horse's mane tightly. I knew I was supposed to be doing some sort of therapy work, but what? With children who had had strokes, blocks and small grooming brushes were often used to help them gain their mobility – I knew that from Sally. But what was I supposed to do with a physically sound child?

I decided to try talking. Nick was silent, and I wasn't the best talker but I chattered as best as I could. It didn't work. Silence. Ms. Shaffer seemed strained and she stared up at her son as though begging him to say something.

The session ended. Nick climbed down from Nicholas, and I ground-tied the obedient bay. Nick stretched up to hug the great bay; he was so close to me, that pathetic, scarred face, that I flinched and instinctively recoiled.

Nick saw the reaction; his one good eye filled with tears, flashing with fear and hurt. I felt terrible. Ms. Shaffer noticed her son's reaction; she wrapped a protective arm around him and glared at me. Nick shrugged her off.

"You're just like everyone else," he spat at me as he began to walk towards the car. I stood there for a long moment, shocked. For someone so young, he was so bitter. And I realized that I knew why. Better then anyone else, I could relate to Nick.

I took a deep breath before plunging forward and seizing Nick's arm. Before he could do more then swing around, I yanked up the sleeves of my sweater. I saw his eye widen.

I bowed my head, allowing my eyes to trace the terrible grooves of the scars. They were terribly similar to Nick's.

"What happened?" he asked in a small voice.

"I was in a car accident," I whispered. I felt Ms. Shaffer standing behind us; I felt her shock and her uncertainty. She was tensed up, her natural body reactions unsure how to deal with the situation.

Nick was silent for a long moment. Then his fingers reached out and began to slowly trace my scars, his fingernails slipping into the grooves. It didn't hurt much – my whole body felt numb.

"I was in a fire," Nick finally offered, still in that terribly small voice. I nodded to show that I understood.

"You like Nicholas, right Nick?" I asked slowly.

"Yeah," Nick muttered.

"Why?" I questioned him.

"Because he isn't scared of me," Nick whispered, so low that it was barely audible.

"Yeah. That's why I like horses too." Nick looked up at me, startled. I nodded again.

"They don't judge, do they Nick? They're good listeners and they don't care if your arms are scarred, or your face, as long as you're nice to them."

I saw tears swim in Nick's eyes again. This time they were tears of gratitude. I knew how he felt – it was the same way I had felt when Jack and I had first been totally open with each other. It was a feeling of relief – here was someone else that understood you and would accept you for who you are no matter what, because they had their own demons to deal with.

The wind fluttered around us and I caught the very faint whiff of spring in the air. The faintest whiff, like the gray sky that precedes even dawn. It wasn't here yet; it wasn't even close. But it was coming.

"It's okay to be scared about it, Nick. It's even okay to hate people when they stare." He looked up at me, tears now falling shamelessly in uneven tracks, tracing his scars. "You just have to learn to forgive them too." I took a deep shuddering breath. I could feel the tears in my own eyes.

"It's not fair," Nick whispered to me, reaching out to touch my arm again.

"No, it's not. But God never gave us anything that we couldn't handle. If we survive something, it only means we're stronger for it." I wasn't sure if Nick would understand, but he nodded as though he did. "You have a lot to live for Nick. You have your family, and the horses…you even have me. I know how things seem right now – like they'll never be right again. And they won't ever be the same, but they don't have to be bad."

Nick nodded one last before he fell into my chest, sobbing his broken heart into my shoulder. I held him as he cried, kissing his scarred cheek on occasion, anything to calm him down.

I knew Nick had made a huge breakthrough in one lesson because I had been able to relate to him. I hoped that he would never give up hope; more then that, I hoped that one day he would be able to teach me a lesson on living our lives with no regrets.

As Nick left I stood in the driveway, waving them off. I felt my heart brim full. If Nick could face his problems, then maybe, just maybe, I could face mine too. I went to unsaddle Nicholas and get the grooming done. I had a mission.

*

Jack seemed to be surprised when I set lunch on the table, not just because I had cooked. I smiled at his shock.

I wore a short-sleeved T-shirt.

The long tail was tucked into my jeans. A warm jacket hung over the chair. Still, my heavily scarred arms were exposed to the frigidly cold air for the first time in years.

"You look beautiful," he whispered to me. I smiled at him, my pleasure making its presence known across my cheekbones.

"Can you take me to see my mom today?"

He flashed me a brief smile. A quick nod was all I got, but it was enough. He pulled me gently into his lap. "I'm proud of you," he whispered into my ear, kissing my cheek.

"I hope so," I sighed. "I'm still not sure…"

"I am," he purred, touching me gently with his lips. His fingertips ran up and down my arm. "You can do anything."

I smiled briefly and we ate our lunch in silence.

I had my jacket on and was waiting for Jack to finish up in the bathroom when May burst in, her hair still in a braids, her riding hat and gloves still on. A blue ribbon was pinned to her hat.

"Congrats May!" I started to say, but my words died on my lips. "Mom?" I croaked out instead.

May shook her head, obviously still breathless. "Moondancer," she managed to gasp.

Seizing my gloves, I sprinted out of the house. I didn't hear May follow me, but that was fine. Jack had to know anyway. I felt my heart sinking as I shoved open the barn door. What if Moondancer was dead? What if he was colicky? I had no idea how to handle a severely ill horse.

Moondancer was down in his stall. His black mane, tangled from his refusal to allow us to brush it, lay spread around him. His inky tail flicked listlessly as, without thinking, I threw open his stall door. I crouched beside the half-ton horse and stroked his cheek. His brown eyes rolled ominously, but then he coughed heavily. He was not about to resist me.

"Fawn?" I looked up as Jack entered the stall. He knelt down beside me and touched my shoulder. I tried to convey, without using words that would startle Moondancer, that Jack should check the stallion.

Without acknowledging it, Jack began moving his hands all over Moondancer, the first time we had ever been fully able to touch the wild stallion. I hummed tunelessly to the great stallion as I anxiously watched Jack. His eyebrows furrowed, but I couldn't really read his expression.

"I have no idea," Jack said finally. "Maybe it's time we call the vet. I'll go see what Maria thinks."

"Where is Maria?" I asked him as he stood.

"She was going to drop off May and head to the hospital to check on your mom." I hesitated when Jack mentioned my mom, but then I jerked back to my surroundings. I would go to my mom when I could. Maybe some time away from me would be a good thing.

Jack left, returning quickly with a soft cotton cloth. "Keep the sweat off of him," Jack said, setting them down beside me. "I'll go fetch a horse blanket. We have to keep him warm."

I sighed, settling down beside the defeated-looking horse that hardly had the strength to whicker. Jack returned once more, a halter and lead rope in his hands along with the blanket. "We have to get him up first, before we put the blanket on," he explained. I saw worry in his eyes, and I knew why. Horses could not stay down long without dying.

I slid the halter and lead rope over Moondancer's face. I smoothed his forelock and stared into his eyes, willing him to stand. Then, slowly, I slid to the side of Moondancer's face and tugged on the halter. Jack threw his weight against the lead rope and, with a groan, Moondancer attempted to stand, his legs quivering beneath him.

"Support his side!" Jack cried. Throwing myself against the sweat-soaked stallion, I heaved my shoulder underneath of him, bracing half of his body. Moondancer swung his head, struggling, patches of sweat breaking out under my hands.

Come on, I silently willed him. Make it. Make it. Shoving, my hair damp against my brow, I watched as Moondancer gained his hooves and finally gained his feet.

"Yes!" I gasped, sliding to the front of the huge stallion.

"Thanks," Jack panted. Our eyes met, and I smiled at him. His eyes danced. Suddenly, we were hugging each other in celebration. I felt Moondancer's smoldering eyes on us, watching, calculating our actions.

*

By the time the equine vet arrived, Moondancer was resting comfortably enough, his rear hoof cocked, his warm stable blanket cinched around his middle.

"Doing better?" the veterinarian, a woman by the name of Sally, asked in surprise. I took an instant liking to the young vet; her hair was a mass of curls that went every which way, and her eyes glittered with a serious mirth that confused and amused me.

"Not really," Jack said. We stood next to each other, right next to Moondancer's stall. "We managed to get him up, but he's been coughing and sneezing."

Sally shook her head and took out her stethoscope, leaning down near Moondancer. I opened my mouth to warn her, but Moondancer stood still, his breathing still labored. My mouth snapped shut. I wasn't about to jinx Moondancer's good behavior by saying that he wasn't normally so well-behaved.

"Equine influenza," Sally diagnosed a few moments later, slinging her stethoscope back over her neck.

"How bad is that?" I asked, unable to contain myself any longer.

"Well, this horse is young and strong, so I think he'll make it and bounce back. Still, you guys probably waited almost too long to call me – he's had a close shave."

"Can the rest of the horses be infected?" Jack asked.

"Well, they can be, it they're not up-to-date on their vaccinations. Are they?" Jack nodded. "Then I say you're pretty lucky. Keep them sheltered from the worst of the weather for at least a few days, with light work, and they should be fine. Moondancer needs time to heal. I'll leave some prescriptions with him. Keep him dry and well-fed – bran mashes are best – and he'll pull through.

"The worst thing," Sally continued with hardly a breath, "is that humans can be infected as well – this strain of flu isn't picky."

"Great," Jack growled. "So how do we avoid getting it?"

"Just be careful – wash your hands a lot, especially after dealing with the horses, and limit the amount of time spent in the barn. I'm going to have to put a halt to your therapeutic rides until all of this is sorted out."

I winced. That was Maria's livelihood. If this flu went on for too long…

"How long?" I blurted out.

"Hm…" Sally seemed to think for a moment before saying decisively, "I'd say about a week and a half. Since this boy has been sick for a while, he should begin to bounce back in the next day or so."

I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. A week and a half wasn't that long, but I knew Maria had bills coming up, and now my mom and I were leaching off of her.

"I'll give you a discount on the medicine, since Maria has helped me out," Sally said with a small smile. I felt a slight relief, but it wasn't good enough. Caring for sixteen horses was expensive, especially when all the riders could not come.

"Thanks," Jack said in relief, obviously a lot happier then I was. After leaving the medication, Sally left, her curly hair bouncing behind her with every step.

"Looks like we're in for a long night," I said, more resigned then angry. Moondancer couldn't help being sick, just as I couldn't help yearning for my bed.

Jack looked at me sidelong, his brow furrowed. "I can watch if you want – you should get some rest."

"Yeah, right," I laughed. "What's that saying – 'a woman's work never ends'?" Jack laughed shortly and began filling Moondancer's stall with the best straw he could find, making the bed deep.

"What's Maria going to do, Jack?" I asked him as I helped gently groom Moondancer's mane. Moondancer made no protest of us touching him.

"About what?" Jack asked calmly as he ran a comb through Moondancer's tail. The wild stallion didn't even try to kick Jack.

"Well, how can she possibly feed all of these horses, and us too, when she isn't making any money?"

Jack shrugged. "Maria will manage, Fawn. She always has. The woman doesn't know how to lie down and die."

I nodded, but I didn't say anything. What if this was the one time that Maria didn't make it?

Jack seemed to notice my worry. Putting down the comb, he touched my face, forcing me to look at him. "Come on, Fawn – this is all going to work out."

His lips met mine, crushing any protests about to leave my mouth.

A/N: Hey guys – sorry it's been so long! (I feel like I write that every time I update…) I had a lot of college apps going on, but the workload has lessened (a bit), so I'm back on again. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter – it has so many components, it took me a while to pound it all out. REVIEW.