Crazy Time at the Tuxedo Junction

Working for a medium-sized corporation can be exhausting when you're my age, twenty-seven years old. You hardly ever get a break. So, imagine my excitement when my best friend, Becky, leaves a message on my answering machine, something about a brand-new night-club.

I quickly dial her number. When she answers, I ask, "So, Becky, what's this I hear about a new night-spot?"

"Parma Sue, I'm so excited!" she says. "It's called the Tuxedo Junction, and it just opened two months ago. I've never been there, but I hear it's fabulous. I've already invited Tina, Dean and Mitch, and we're going Saturday night. Would you like to come?"

"I'd love to!" I reply, beaming. Finally, a chance to loosen up.

At eight o'clock that night, I call my Aunt Polly. I tell her about work, and the raise I got for my latest project. She seems very pleased. Then she asks, "Do you have any plans this weekend?"

"My friends and I are going to this new night-club, the Tuxedo Junction," I answer. "We're going Saturday night."

"Excellent," Aunt Polly says. "Then you won't mind taking Karen along. She arrived in town yesterday afternoon. She's here until next Sunday. She'd very much like to see you."

I freeze. Karen is Aunt Polly's wild, crazy daughter, a real party girl. She's only twenty-two and fresh out of college, but she can be embarrassing sometimes, especially when we go clubbing. I know there are lots of hot guys at clubs, but I act like a lady around them. Karen, on the other hand, tends to act really sexy around any guy she sees as "gorgeous." She'd been like this since high school, when I heard she lost her virginity to the star quarterback of the football team.

I remember the last time she went out with my girlfriends and me, when she visited Aunt Polly last Victoria Day weekend. We took her to a club called Planet Fever. It was "ladies night", and there was a fire-fighter calendar competition going on. As usual, Karen humiliated me with her sexy act. She drank a few coolers, all the while staring at the guys and screaming in ecstasy. Half an hour into the show, she started climbing up onstage and groping at them. She tried to take off their clothes, and touched them in unmentionable places. Around us, excited women were cheering her on, screaming, "Go, Karen! Go, Karen!" after she told the emcee her name the first time. Still, my friends and I had to pry her off the guys many times, and the other women booed at us each time. After that, I'd had enough, and I vowed never to go out with her again.

I hear Aunt Polly scream, "Parma Sue Nickels! Are you there?! Answer me, please!" I stop daydreaming. She asks, "Well, Parma Sue? Are you going to take her or not?"

I whine, "Do I have to, Aunt Polly?"

"I'll be very disappointed if you don't," she says.

Just what I need, the old guilt trip, I think. Then, "Fine, I'll do it."

"Wonderful! I'll tell her as soon as possible. Goodbye." Then we hang up.

I bury my face into my hands. What would my friends think about my cousin accompanying us to the Tuxedo Junction? After Planet Fever, they'd told me they didn't want to be around her anymore. I brace myself for their reactions. I call Becky, tell her about Karen and say, "We have to let her come with us, girl."

"Oh, no, dearie, not that wacko cousin of yours!" Becky objects. "This is our first time at a new club. I don't want it to be déjà vu of the Planet Fever incident."

"I'm hoping it's not," I say. "I know she can be crazy, but Aunt Polly wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. Karen will have to behave herself this time."

"You'd better tell her," she advises. "I don't want her to embarrass us."

"Me neither, Becky."

I hear her sigh. "I'll call everyone else and tell them what's going on. I'll talk to you later, okay? Bye."

I hang up feeling sick with dread and worry. I try to relax myself. I fear Karen will act stupid, humiliate us all, and ruin Saturday night. My only hope is that she won't.


Saturday night comes, and I stand outside my apartment building when Becky's Cadillac pulls up. I step in, say hi to everyone, then give her Aunt Polly's address. We're off to get Karen.

She's waiting on the steps of Aunt Polly's house. I make room for her as she steps in the car. On our way to the club, I say, "Karen, please promise me you'll be on your best behaviour tonight." She gives me a "pinky swear."

We can hear the music as we step inside. Once we pay and have our IDs checked, Karen takes off to the dance floor. I catch up with her and say, "Stay with us, okay? We'll dance later, I promise."

We go upstairs to find regular tables and pool tables. I say, "Why don't you all sit down, while Becky and I get some drinks?" Then, we go to the bar. Moments later, we return with some beer and coolers. As we drink, Dean looks over at the pool tables and suggests, "Why don't we all play some pool?" We all agree on that.

We form two teams of three. Karen is with Becky and me. Things go great for the first couple of rounds, but when Karen takes her turn, she accidentally drags the cue on the table and rips the felt. Everyone is disgusted.

"Brilliant!" Mitch yells at her. "Look at what you did!"

"Way to go, Karen!" Becky fumes.

"Yeah, Karen," Tina adds. "What are we going to tell the management, huh?"

I look at her and say, "Uh, Karen, why don't you just watch us instead?"

She smiles and says, "All right."

Two rounds later, she taps my shoulder and says, "I'm going to the bar to get us some more drinks."

"I think I'd better go with you," I say.

"No, I want to get them myself," she insists. "I promise I'll go down there, get the stuff and come right back. What do you guys want?" Becky declines, but I tell Karen I want another wine cooler, Tina wants tequila, and Mitch and Dean want another beer. Karen nods and leaves us.

After twenty minutes, I notice that Karen hasn't returned. She's not at her table, so I excuse myself to get her. At first, I think, There's a huge crowd down there, and Karen's waiting her turn.

I walk halfway down the stairs, look around and receive a shock. I catch Karen doing a sexy dance with two bartenders on top of the bar, in front of some noisy spectators. I suspect that she goaded them into it; I know the management would never allow that kind of thing. I rush downstairs and push my way through the rambunctious crowd. At the bar, I grab Karen's arms and bring her down.

"So, Juliet Prowse, where are those drinks you promised us?" I asked.

"They said they wouldn't serve me anything until I got up on that bar and, 'shook my thang!'" she says.

"Yeah right, and I'm dating Tommy Lee!" I reply sarcastically.

"It's true, we did!" one of the bartenders says as they get down. "And she had a nice, spankable thang, too!"

"Hey, that's my baby cousin you're talking about!" I order the drinks and when they're served, I say, "Don't let me see anything like this again, or I'll report you to management." I take Karen back upstairs. Her blouse is unbuttoned, so I make her go in the ladies' room and do it up.

When we finish playing pool, I say to everyone, "What do you say we all go dance now?" Everyone nods, so we all go downstairs. The dance floor is pretty crowded, but we manage to find a spot. We're all drawn into the fast, enticing music, and we dance in a group for about two songs. Afterwards, Karen taps me on my shoulder. She points at two "go-go" cages and asks, "Do you want to go into a cage with me?" I look at the cages. They're both occupied.

"Not now, Karen," I answer.

My friends and I keep dancing for another minute when Tina yells, "You guys, look!" We stop to see Karen heading towards a cage occupied by a romantic couple. She steps in and tries to dance with them. We are horrified. We can't believe what we're seeing.

"My God, what is she doing?" Becky cries.

Then we see her shove the girl out. Karen tries to "bump and grind" with the boyfriend, but he rejects her. Instead of dancing, he belittles her, then leaves the cage to help his girl. Becky and I rush to get Karen. We keep our eyes on her the whole way there. As we move along, we see Karen taking off her blouse. She's grabbing on the bars and gyrating in front of everyone, like she's a real go-go dancer. The guys in the crowd are hooting and hollering.

When we get there, we see the girl is hurt but still conscious, being held by the angry boyfriend. She points at Karen in the cage and screams, "Dammit, I'm gonna kill that weasel!" Before she can get back inside, Becky and I go into the cage and get Karen out.

"Strike two, Karen!" I say sternly. I put her blouse back on her. She buttons it up, glares at me and says, "Gee, Parma Sue, I was only trying to have fun."

"That doesn't matter!" I bark. "Do you know how close you came to getting beaten up by that woman?! All we did was save your ass!" We bring her back to our group. They're extremely embarrassed.

Ten minutes later, Karen walks away from us again. She's headed towards the stairs, so I go to stop her. We are halfway up when I catch her. I look at her angry face and ask, "What's the matter?"

"Why'd you have to interfere when I was doing all that stuff?" she demands. "I was only having a good time!"

"But you're embarrassing me and my friends!" I stress. She folds her arms and pouts, like she doesn't care. I then think of all the attention she got from the crowds. Maybe she's looking for someone to notice her, I think. So I suggest, "Let's check out the crowd and see if there's anyone for you." Karen smiles, and we go back downstairs.

We look around the bar and dance floor to see who was with whom. There are lots of couples there, and very few single men– none of whom Karen is interested in. We run into the couple from the go-go cage incident. The girl shoves Karen and blasts, "What the hell were you trying to do, horn in on my man?" Her boyfriend spits in Karen's face and says, "I ain't interested in you, slut! I've already got myself a woman right here!" He kisses his girlfriend.

I wipe the spit off and say, "Look, I'm sure she didn't mean it."

"Of course I did!" Karen says angrily. She addresses the guy. "I wanted to dance with you because I thought you looked so hot. That's why I threw that bitch out in the first place. But now I see what a stupid jerk you are!" The girl wants to fight her, but I stop it just in time. I turn to Karen and say lowly, "Watch both your mouth and your actions before you get into more trouble." Then we move along.

We're about ready to give up when Karen spies two muscular security guards overlooking the crowd. She grabs me and takes me right to them.

They are the sexiest security guards we've ever seen. We are posing and spinning around for them, batting our eyes and flirting shamelessly. The guards are turned on, and say that we look stunning.

I see Karen holding hands with a raven-haired guard. She looks at his eyes as he says how much he likes her hair and outfit. Suddenly, much to my horror, she yells out, "Hello! I want to have your baby!"

Both guards are horribly embarrassed at what she says. They let go of us, say goodbye and walk away. My face is as red as an apple. I look around to see if anyone else heard. They didn't; they're not even noticing us, thank God.

I grab Karen's arms and whisper, "Why'd you go and say that?" She doesn't answer, so I say, "I think we'd better go now. You've caused enough embarrassment for one night." I take her back to the group, and we leave the Tuxedo Junction immediately. Another night ruined by my cousin's overactive sex drive.

Becky drops off Karen first. I never speak to Karen the whole drive there. When we arrive, she says goodbye and steps out of the car. I excuse myself and follow her.

Aunt Polly is surprised to see me in the front hall with her. She looks at me and asks, "Parma Sue, what's wrong? Didn't you have a good time at your club?"

I point at Karen and blast, "Not with her, I didn't!"

I take both of them to the living room and sit them down. I tell Aunt Polly just how badly Karen behaved at the Junction. I mention all the humiliating stunts she pulled, and what a lousy time I had.

"I don't think Karen knows how to behave in public," I complain to my aunt. "Her sexy, wild ways are just unacceptable. I'm sorry, Aunt Polly, but until she learns to act appropriately, I'm not taking her anywhere anymore!" I say goodbye and leave the house. On my way out, I hear Aunt Polly scolding Karen. That makes me smile.

I walk to Becky's car and buckle myself up. I turn to her and say, "Home, girlfriend." Then she drives off.