Nights When I Love Me

When i am not so lucky, instead of flopping limbs
i see only lumps of flesh, tumors for thighs
but tonight the reward is nearly flaunted,
hands are clasped desperately, narrowed eyes devour
shriveled sticks earned after so many hungry days.
the stomach's groans are unheard by a celebrating heart,
leaping yet sinking at the thought of another day,
another garbled denial or more weak excuses
guided by the desire to swallow the truth
since to swallow anything else might fill these gaunt holes
might stop this shrinking

but still the haggard face
& bones jutting like daggers
will make him smile

i have come so far & i can almost count