Eliza stared blankly at the view outside from her bedroom window. Her mind a million miles away. Her notebook lay forgotten on top of her desk. She laid her heart on a silver platter, anyone who'd be able to read it would know. She would make sure, no one would ever know. This would be the first and the last time.
Angel of Heaven, I know you are there.
Would you please give this message to him who I watch from afar?
You know who he is,
So, spare me from announcing to the world his name.
Angels above, give me the strength and courage I know I will need.
Are you there? Can you hear my voice call out to you?
I do hope that the wind has carried my voice to you.
I ask of you to listen, just this once.
And we'll never ever speak of it again.
That I vow.
I know that it is uncomfortable, both for you and for me.
But it has to be done, this story as to have an end.
So, there'll be no regrets.
Just give me time to speak, hear me out.
This is my confession.
It took only a mere hour for me to notice and ignore you at the exact same time.
Id be lying if I said that I remember every second with perfect clarity.
Because I don't. It's all a blur, a haze.
Tell me the truth, I want nothing else.
Were you just fooling around for the sake of it all?
Or was there a bit of truth and sincerity hidden underneath?
Tell me, I won't take it against you.
Ill take it all nonchalantly, as if it's nothing worth worrying about.
I just want to know, in order to satiate my wonderings.
Years ago, before we even met.
I was familiar with your name.
You were a friend's unrequited first crush, lasting years and years.
You were all she ever talked about.
What is it that you have, that makes girls become infatuated?
Is it wrong for me to wonder? Is it unacceptable for me to ask?
Your seat is right beside a good friend of mine,
She tells me things,
She tells me that she knows who you like, and I can't help but wonder who.
I know that she trusts me.
And so, I can safely tell you.
Sometimes, her jokes are half-meant.
She's starting to crush on you,
No matter how hard she tries not to.
She forbids me to tell, and so I stay silent.
I'm jealous of the fact that you talk to other girls quite often,
And yet, you never even speak to me.
Not even a hi or a hello.
Unless it's completely unavoidable.
Am I thinking too much? Or am I right on track?
I'm too presumptuous, I think.
But what can I say when I feel your gaze bore into me?
The brief moments when our eyes meet, until one of us looks away.
I wish you'd tell me to the face, that I'm only dreaming and there'll never be anything between us.
Do you remember that night at the beach?
We were at the same place, during the same event by chance.
But was it really coincidence?
Ill never know.
We didn't know each other,
But I can faintly recall asking myself why you looked so familiar.
I didn't think you noticed me sitting there.
But I was surprised when you asked a friend who I was.
And then you wondered out loud if it was I who was there on that night.
The odds were a million to one.
Don't you know what's ironic?
The fact that everyone but you uses the pet name that you gave me.
People continue to say tat I am crushing on you.
Or that you are crushing on me.
I find it hard to believe.
I'm not even your type.
Friends of mine promptly decided for me, saying that we were meant to be.
A bunch of lies, I tell you.
But I can't help but fantasize.
I was too afraid to try to admire you
Or anyone else for that matter.
I was fearful of getting hurt,
Of being left behind.
We are so close and yet so far.
We never talk, I wonder why.
I keep on searching for someone to crush on,
So I could prove to everyone and myself.
That I'd never, ever, not in a million years, fall for you.
I haven't. I have self-control.
I'm giving up because I know that nothing ever comes out of wishful thinking.
It'll bring me nowhere.
I'm not at all suitable for you, no matter what they say.
Besides, I stick by my beliefs.
Love doesn't exist in high school.
Maybe someday, I'll gather the guts.
To show this to someone, a confidante. Someone I can trust.
But not now, not wile the fire is still burning.
Maybe someday, Ill be able to tell you truthfully, not backing down.
Because then, I'll be completely over you.
Eliza sighed. She placed her 'letter' inside an envelope and sealed it. Vowing that it was never to be opened again. Tomorrow was a new day and so, tomorrow she would start anew.