Dear You,

I tried my very best to be what you wanted me to be, what you needed, when you needed it. Texted you when I wanted to be alone, called you when I just wanted to be in silence, stopped crying so you could be happy, stayed up with you when I was so tired, stopped writing my own novel to write ours, which by the way has gone down the tubes. You hated my music, got jealous so easily when I had something you didn't, hung out with someone else, put me down when I was so happy I could've died, and all the while I came back to you and pretended like you didn't hurt me. But you did and sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I expect to see a long ragged gash across my heart but there isn't one on the surface of my skin to be seen by the bare eyes. But I suppose if you dove down deep into me, you'd see it. You'd feel it, that long and ragged gash that ripped me open from the inside out. The pulse of a bumpy, damaged heart. A broken soul that only wanted to be loved by you, wanted that best friend everyone talks about so proudly, like in a sense that they have someone to rely on in life, someone to come home to and tell their secrets and dreams to. A best friend is supposed to outlive love itself. Love makes the world go 'round and love made you and me, you said that you'd be there for me even if the love of my life failed me, deserted, left me. I believed you! I thought she was you, I thought you were the best friend of a life time, I believed all the lies all the things you said because well, I guess I believed in you. And even if I tell you I don't care, I do. I do care and I hate it so much. I want to believe everything was just a dream and that you'll take off the masquerade mask you wear and I'll see the real you, the you I love. But, you keep dancing the middle of the mob of changed, people I once knew. Spinning and twirling, jumping, grinding together. I watch from the balcony and you don't notice the tears I cry for you. You come up to me and smile at me, I turn and I run away to someone else. And I'm sorry, I used to care for you but I'm learning not to. Because, you never cared about me.