Some Say I'm Crazy For My Love
Writer: raven_tiger /May Elizabeth
Genre: Non-fiction drabble
Word Count: 503
Rating: Teen-ish, because it just hints to sex abuse.
A.N: This drabble is about my latest tattoo. I allude to dissociation in pars of this drabble. Patience represents the part of me that died from being sexually abused, and the potential of all who I was and who I am. The hope that I will be "reborn". The tattoo is in both of remeberance of who I was and could have been. This was written to two songs: "Even in Death (acoustic)" and "Like You" both by Evanescence.
The tattoo gun buzzed like an angry swarm of bees. The needles pierced my skin of my chest and the burning sensation filled my entire chest cavity. I looked out the window of my friend's house, and thought of you, Patience, to embrace and dull the pain.
We went through hell the both of us when you died that night, when he crept into our room and touched us in places that were better off left alone. I flew off into the night like a frightened sparrow leaving you to die in my place.
"Are you okay? You look really pale." At the sound of his voice I floated back to reality.
"I'm fine," I croaked out while trying to be brave.
The stinging in my chest reminded me of the suffocating feeling of him on us. It reminds me of panic attacks I still get on occasion when I feel like I'm dying slowly. I kept staring out the window. I was trying not to hyperventilate.
Patience, this is for us. This is in remembrance of your death and eventual rebirth. I love you.
The world was slowly fading away as the pain of the needles kept searing through with the heat like fire. I barely heard him shut off the gun, and wipe down the half-finished tattoo with the cool solution. The liquid calms the fire burning in my chest, and I float back up to the surface of my mind.
"Here drink this, you'll feel better." He hands me a glass of water.
He watches me warily as I drank down the cool water like it was from the fountain of youth.
"Are you sure you want to finish this today?"
"I'm fine."I nodded my head looking down at my clenched fists in my lap.
"You're trooper you know that? You're doing great."
"Thank you." I gave him a small smile.
The angry buzzing started again with the stabbing needles into my chest. I closed my eyes and focused on the pain, letting it wash over me instead of the painful memories. I focused on my breathing; keeping it calm and steady, even though it felt like my chest was being torn apart to reach my beating heart. Screams rose from my chest to escape from my throat as a gasp as I winced. The burning pain alternating with the numbing, stinging coolness of the wipe. It was strange this sensation, it felt different than all the other tattoos- a combination of pain, pleasure, and discomfort. This time there was only the pain and the relieving discomfort.
"Alright, we're done," he said with a smile.
"Thank you," I said as I fought back the lightheaded feeling. I forced myself to breathe deep until the momentary weakness passed. I paid my friend and left with the feeling of winning a battle against myself and my past. I have done you a great honour Patience, so never forget how much I love you.