Bombs exploded showering me in dirt and debris, I dove behind an overturned rusted Olds Mobile and pressed myself into the ground. The explosions quieted, followed by the thundering of guns. Deep yells broke through the chaos. My heart sped up, the bomb alarm resounded through the crushed metal. 'God I hate war' my mind moved quickly, assessing if there was any damage. Sensing that there was none, pushed myself onto my knees.
I tightened the laces on my stolen combat boots, shoved my knife into my camo pants, and wiped my hands on my torn tank top. I tucked my chin down and ducked again as a bomb exploded across the street. Slipping into the shadows, away from the prying spotlight, the rattling of a truck engine clamored down the road, as it ambled down the road I peeked out from the side. Three soldiers sat on the back of the truck; M-16's resting on their knees.
One soldier's head snapped towards me, his green eyes startling even in the dark, I pulled back quickly. My dad's words rambled through my head,
My dad knelt down in front of me; his dark hair slicked back, army greens immaculate. "You have to watch your brother and Danny for me sweetheart." Tears pooled hotly in my eyes, I gripped my stuffed rabbits ears tightly in my hand, at 10 years of age I knew what was going to happen. I nodded, my bottom lip quivering.
"You have to be strong Jennifer, your mother needs you." I looked up at my mother, a slim hand pressed to her mouth, tears pouring down her face, dark circles smudged under her eyes; I looked more confidently back at my dad.
I had to be strong, they needed me. "Yes, goodbye" I hugged my arms around his neck and stepped back.
With one last look, I trudged up the stairs, my hand releasing the rabbit as I walked. I had to be strong, strong girls don't need stuffed animals, they don't cry, the fight. I stared out the window as the pickup truck left the house, my dad waving as he went.
The next night the bomb alarm went off, the house shook, I ran to my little brother Danny's room. His blonde curls matted, dark blue eyes filled with fear.
"Daniel come here" I barked, the house shook again, windows exploded. I yanked him into my arms and ran to my mother's room, throwing Daniel into her arms; I slammed the door shut and blocked the windows.
"Get down" I hissed, my mother leaned over Daniel protectively; they fell into a slumber. I rubbed my eyes and watched them, just as my dad told me to.
I shook my head, cursing myself for letting the memories ruin my concentration. The truck hadn't stopped, no voices followed, I exhaled the breath I didn't even know I was holding. I kept moving, the night had quieted, the bombs ceased.
I pressed myself on, exhaustion beckoned at the edge of my thoughts. I dispelled them, I had to get home. My mother and Daniel needed the food I had stolen from a destroyed grocery store; I checked that it was safely stored in my pack.
My house came into view; I stayed in the shadows, pressing myself further, I sprinted to my front door. Slamming the door shut behind me, I jogged to the basement and locked the door. I leaned over; hands pressed to knees my chest heaving. "Jennifer! Where have you been" my mother's voice called from the corner.
I looked up at her, wiped the grime from my face and readjusted my ponytail. "I got food, here" I tossed her the pack.
"Jenni!" Daniels voice called out, I smiled slightly and swung him up into my arms.
"Daniel. My haven't you gotten big since I last saw you!" he laughed as I spun him around, his arms spread out. I envied his childlike innocence.
"It was only last night!" he giggled, I tweeked his nose.
"oh of course" I grinned, setting him down he ran over to my mother.
Pulling out the wooden chair, I unholstered the gun at my side, undid the clip and unloaded it.
"I wish you wouldn't have that in here." My mother's voice wavered.
I shot her a look, "Its for our protection, I'm eighteen, I'm pretty sure if I just used my hands the soldiers would die from laughing." My shoulders tensed, I gripped seat.
"Mom! Can you tell me about Peter Pan" Daniels small voice called from his makeshift bed. My mother's hard look softened as she glanced over at him. A bomb went off outside, the walls shook, the lights flickered.
"What's that Daniel did that sound like a cannon…on a pirate ship?" Daniel giggled and his eyes got wide.
"Captain Hook!" he cheered bouncing up and down.
I rolled my eyes and placed the headphones to the radio on my head. Fiddling with the knobs, I listened to the war channel. The mechanically voice droned on monotonously about the bombings, soldiers movements, and weapons importation.
I pulled out a pencil and my notepad. I began making a list, I had been making lists ever since I hit the age of 13. It kept me sane, the chaos that surrounded attempted to overtake me, I kept it at bay.
In my daze, Daniel snatched my notepad up, "Come on Jenni, play Peter Pan with me." Anger boiled in the pit of my stomach.
"Daniel give me my notepad back!" he giggled and tossed my notepad into the air, I tried to grab it, the silence was deafening as it fell into the bucket of water next to the stove. My fists clenched as a fished it out; the list I had written now drenched in water ran off the paper.
"Come on Jenni play Peter Pan!" my anger and stress rushed to my head, I spun around on him,
"Daniel there is NO Peter Pan; they are just made up stories. There are no pirates, or mermaids or Lost Boys!! There is no such thing!" I bellowed, throwing my hands up into the air.
Daniel stared up at him; his blue eyes glistened with tears, his lip quivered. I let out a puff of air, blowing the loose strands of hair out of my face. My mother's eyes narrowed, her lips thinned. I looked at her in guilt, shook my head, grabbed my hat and slammed it on my head.
"Ill be upstairs," I muttered, grabbing my gun I ran upstairs to my empty room. Everything had been moved downstairs. A thin layer of dust filmed across the wooden floor, I sighed, dejected. When had everything gotten so out of hand.
I drudged into the room, my head hanging low. I flopped down in the middle of the room staring up at the blank ceiling, tears threatened to pour out. "You have to be strong." My dad's deep voice whispered across my thoughts.
I sighed raggedly, rubbed my fists into my eyes and sat up. Pulling off my boots, I set them by the window; a white object in the corner of my room caught my eye. I walked over to it, the button eyes of my old ratty rabbit looked emptily back up at me. I reached down and grabbed it, pulling it to me, I curled up in the middle of the room, my legs tucked in, and I watched the wisps of clouds sail across the moon.
A deep bodily sob escaped my throat, my body shook as I cried into my rabbit, tears poured down my face, I cried hard until I passed out from exhaustion.