I want you to remember me. I want you to wonder about me all the time, where I am, what I'm doing, who I'm with. I want you to miss me, to ache for me, to cry for me. Cry like you'll never sleep again if you can't find me. Cry till your head hurts. I want you to miss me as hard as you can, with everything you've got. Remember how it felt when you pulled that imaginary gun. Remember how it felt when I left you, and when I missed you for years, and then remember when I never came back. Remember when we stopped talking? Remember your anger, your fear, your hatred, your irrational feelings. Remember my passive arguments, my ignorant backtalk, my innocent wishing. I want you to keep me in your thoughts all day, think about me from dawn till the next dawn and the next. I want you to imagine me the way you last saw me - standing, biking, resplendent in a new dawn of my own life. You don't know me now. You haven't seen me in years. You haven't talked to me in years. You haven't heard my voice in centuries, called my number in ages, haven't waited up for me to call in aeons. But you've been waiting up for me; I want you to be waiting up for me. I hope I've been haunting you. Been haunting the bed you sleep in with the checkered sheets, been haunting the closet where you kept my love, been haunting the basement where we fought and screamed and cried. I've been haunting your thoughts, and I want you to keep me in them. I want you to imagine me as a ghost, as more than a ghost. I want you to imagine me now, older, stronger, my features changed so you won't know it's me right away, but you'll know. And you'll be afraid, that box you've been hiding me in will crack open and I'm gonna leak right out. You're going to hurt, and I wish you'd hurt. I wish you'd hurt hard, in your room in the dark, when you're driving and you see me on the street, when you're in class and you see a flash of blonde, a passing smile, when you're trying to sleep but you can't. I want you to remember me and hurt. I want you to think about me all the time, pass me up but keep coming back to first, keep running around in circles around me. When you're drinking at Christmas, think about me. When you're drunk on New Year's, think about me. When you're graduating, when you turn nineteen, when you're heading off to college - think about me. I want you to think about me, and wonder how I'm doing, wonder how I'm doing without you. I want you to get jealous, and get angry, and wonder why things ended up this way, and wonder how we got here. I want you to think about me, wonder about me, remember the years I spent following you around and wondering about you. Remember the time I spent writing you those letters, working on those gifts, those tokens of my affection, remember how I followed you to your bus some days just to see you leave and feel that hurt just a little more. Remember when we first kissed, remember when we first danced, remember when you liked to look at me. Keep remembering how you hurt me, in all the smallest ways, remember when you wrote me down in that dark theatre, remember when you talked me down on that telephone, remember when you stopped me sharp at that party. I want you to remember me as a time, a place, a feeling, a smell, a sting, a day. I want you to remember me.