When I'm just about to give up. . . he gives in.
I guess I did something right because after not seeing him for almost a week, I finally got to go over his house (alone) and we hung out. We watched TV on seperate couches, made fun of each other, talked about him going back to where his girlfriend lives (without adding any of my oh-so jealous emotional comments, which I pained not to do this whole time) and picked on each other more. While were both watching his favorite show, I turned to him and asked a question that's been bugging me for a while.
"When you were in Illinois, did you miss me?" I asked
He furrowed his eyebrows and smiled, "What kind of question is that? No, I didn't think about you at all. Of course I thought about you. Why'd you ask?"
"No reason." I said, turning back to the TV, feeling him staring at me. We watched TV for another five minutes. There was a point where (as he was laying, stomach down, on the couch and I was in the recliner) he looked like somethign hurt him.
"What's wrong?" I asked
He turned his eyes towards me, "It's my back. Ever since I came down here my whole back has been aching."
"You should go to the hospital." I said, because I'm Captain Obvious.
"My parents can't take me." he said, looking back at the TV screen.
I wanted his eyes to look back at mine, so I added more dull words of advice, "You should work a little to get enough money to go to the hospital."
"Yeah..." He said, knowing that can't happen, especially when he's leaving in eight days. There was a quiet pause.
"I can massage it for you." I said
He looked at me, his eyes smiling but his mouth saying, "No, no. You shouldn't. You don't have to."
"Really, it's no big deal." I said, getting up and walking over to the couch he was laying on.
"If you really want to but really, you don't have to."
"I want to. Now, how do I massage your back..?"
He turned back at the TV and reluctantly said, "You're gonna have to sit on my butt."
"Alright, but don't get any dirty ideas." I said. Still looking away, he smiled. I got on the couch, sat on his butt, and started stroking his spine with my thumbs. After a while, he took off the white hoodie he was wearing, even though I told him it wasn't that much in the way, and underneath he was shirtless. If anyone knows Brennan, it's that 90% of the time he's shirtless and there's clearly a reason why. Not only is he 6'6, but he's also got a handful amount of clearly displayed abs. Lucky me, a goody-two-shoed college girl that always hung out with the small groups of semi-nerds in high school and here I am on my best guy friend, also my ex-boyfriend, who's beyond the hottest guy I've ever seen, and I'm massaging his shirtless top half.
"Thank you." he whispered, eyes closed as I made my way up his back and then started from the bottom again.
"It's no problem." Besides, I kinda sorta really want to touch you right now. Of course I didn't say that.
"By the way," he whispered again, "You look pretty today."
I blushed, he thinks I look pretty! Is he flirting? No, he's being honest, he wouldn't have said it if he wasn't being honest. I'm only a friend to him now, as much as it hurts.
"Brennan." I whispered
You look handsome ...every day. "Nevermind."
He opened his eyes a bit to look at me, "No really, what were you gonna say?"
"What were you gonna tell me?"
"Nothing." I said, my cheeks still warm from blushing. He closed his eye sand went back to wherever he was at as I massaged him.
I massaged him for thirty minutes, my left wrist started popping because it's retarded and can't massage my friend for thirty minutes and started to hurt a little.
His eyes were closed for the most part, even though his favorite show on Animal Planet was on, "You should stop. I can hear your left hand cracking."
"I don't want to stop." I said, still massaging him.
"But I don't want you to hurt yourself." he said, still with his eyes closed.
"It doesn't hurt. My wrist does that all the time."
"You're getting tired."
"No I'm not." I said. But my wrist did hurt a little so once I got to his neck, I stopped and layed down on his back.
"Told you, you were tired."
"Just a little." I smiled, eyes closed. After a while I massaged him a little more but then got off and went back to the recliner.
We still talked about ordinary things while watching TV but every now and then I'd stop to stare at him when he wasn't looking. God I love this boy. This is the last, maybe second to last time I'll see him in a couple more months. Couple more long, empty months. I wish I was more than just a friend to him. I love him so much, it's not fair. I wish I was Shay.
He caught me staring at him a couple times but instead of looking away he stared back until one of us smiled and couldn't stare anymore, usually that one being me. Dang it, the feelings are coming back. Something tells me they never left. He got up during the commercial of his show at 6:14 pm, or 18:14 in military time if I'm correct, and said he was going to go relax in the car and I could come thing him if I wanted.
"What are you gonna do in the car?" I asked
Without turning back, he said, "I always go there at night. It's quiet and the mosquitos can't get me."
Alone time with him? I know he only thinks of me as his friend but I can't pass up this opportunity. I "ok'd" and followed him to the ONE out of three cars, the only ONE car with tinted windows. I got into the passanger's seat and he got into the driver's seat. It really was quiet in there. We picked on each other again and he cleared the back seat to lay down in the back. The front passanger's seat was leaned all the way back, thank you Brennan for that, and he started poking my arm. He knows I don't like it when people poke my arm, I even told him earlier today when we were talking about how he doesn't like people poking his belly button, and here he is repeatedly poking my arm and smiling wide.
I opened my mouth in and "O" then a huge smile and glared at him, "Oh, you wanna play like that, huh?" I leaned over and searched for his belly button. "Where's your belly button?"
He quickly covered it with his hands. "No!" He smiled. I tried to dig my cleanly nailed fingers between his hands and to his belly button but all I could feel was his abs. He grabbed my hands and lifted them away, not letting them go, his belly button exposed but my hands occupied. I thought about licking his belly button but that is way too rated PG 13 which I am not able to do with the man I love because it's unrequited and I'm not invited, if you know what I mean. He let go of my hands and covered his belly button again.
"I just thought of something really dirty." I said, not fighting to poke his belly button.
"What? What did you think?"
"I can't tell you!"
"Please tell me. I'll even let you poke my belly button." He said, revealing his belly button. I didn't believe him so I poked his belly button ...twice. "Please just tell me."
"I can't, it's dirty." I said, beyond anything dirty I've ever done.
A mischevious look fell over his face.
"If you don't tell me, I'm going to pick you up and hold your legs down with mine and hold your arms with mine so you can't escape."
I stared at him, three things procesing through my mind at one time: the last time he said something similar to that I gave him my first kiss, whether I should tell him what I was thinking and live with the humility, or let him go with his evil plan because a major part wants to be wrapped up in him anyway.
"Is that supposed to be a punishment?" I asked him.
"Yes." He devilishly smiled.
Should I tell him what I was thinking? Should I not? I had to think fast becuase if I don't say anything then he will. That's it. I'm not saying anything. I stared back at him, daring him.
He cupped his hands above my waiste and right under my arm pits, "I'm gonna pick you up like this if you don't say anything." I devilishly smiled back. He shrugged, "Alright!"
To my utter surprise, the guy actually picked me up and pulled me into the back seat, tied his long legs around mine and his arms around mine, which were pinned to the waiste, and there I was laying back down directly on Brennan, my neck at the same proximity to his lips. Everything in that car changed. The whole enviroment shifted from childlike to something out of an adult romance novel. We both weren't laughing or playing anymore. The whole car was quiet, different. I could feel his nose breathing on my neck and I shut my eyes, oh how I wish I could see his face. Then, very subtly, his lips were on my neck. They gently kissed me. He breathed again before moving a little bit different and kissing me again. His hands held onto mine as if he was trying to reasure me. I squeezed his hands,I was trying to keep myself from him but he just... makes me... He kissed the bottom of my neck and then grabbed a spot on my shoulder and in a semi-kiss way, grabbed a bit of my skin and bit me.
"Is this okay?" he whispered
"Mhm." I whispered back, eyes still closed. I can't believe this is happening. His lips kissed my shoulder, his teeth sunk in. I squeezed his fingers with my hand and could feel his lips smile on my shoulder. After a while he asked if I wanted to go back into the passanger's seat. I got up from his grip, but instead of leaving, I turned around to look at him.
He was looking at me like the way he did in 9th grade. It never changed. It's still that genuine look. Except, there's something else in those eyes too. Something...
I was now facing him, I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him. We laid there, his finger making circles on my back, I wanted to stay like that forever. He asked if I wanted to know how to bite like he did to me. I said sure and bit him the way he did me.
"A little wider and harder." He said. When I did bite him the second time, his whole body tensed up and he grabbed the small of my back. "I can also teach you this..." he moved my hair away from my ear and nibbled on the bottom flappy thing of my ear and groaned into my ear. It felt great, and wanted him to feel the same way, or maybe better, than how I felt. I did the same with his ear but I didn't moan. So I did it again but this time I moaned and his hands grabbed at me again, I could feel something between his legs poke me. I smiled a little, success. "You're a quick learner." he said, then laughed at himself. I smiled at him.
"What?" I asked
"It's ironic. I'm the teacher and you're the student."
I laughed too, that's pretty funny when you think about it. I'm going to college to become a teacher but he's the one teaching me, Sexual Education 101. I like this class.
I looked down at his face, since I was on him, and closed my eyes, touching my nose to his. He was the only man I've ever kissed and the time I kissed him was months ago but that doesn't mean I didn't think about kissing him every day. I tilted my head and nudged my lips to his and slowly kissed them. Not the kind of kiss you give a pet, either. It was like the one in last April except a million times better. He kissed back and before long things started getting instense. Soon I let go and a couple minutes passed of just me and him.
"I love you." I whispered, my lips on his neck.
"I love you too." he whispered back, stroking my back with his thumb.
"I have to give you something." I said, slightly getting up and reaching for my backpack.
"What is it?" he asked.
I pulled out my diary and opened it. "This is for you." I gave him the key to my diary.
"It's the key to your diary." he smiled, gazing at it in his hand.
"You know what else it means. Oh, and this is the only picture of us together. Only us, from when we were going out. Wanna see it?" I asked
I gave him the picture to look at. He stared at it, taking it in, and when he did he smiled at the picture. I went to pull it away from his fingers but he wasn't done looking at it because he was reluctant to let go. I put the picture back in my diary and the diary back in my backpack. While I was doing this he was looking at the diary key necklace I gave him.
After a while I was back in the front seat, he said he really had to pee and I laughed at his child-like behavior. Thinking this was it, since it was 7:20 and I have to be home at 8 pm and it takes an hour to get home, I should have left forty minutes ago. He got back into the drivers seat after his potty break and put the drivers seat so it leaned all the way back and just relaxed like that. We talked about silly things again, like we didn't just make out ten minutes ago.
"You're a troublemaker." he said, smiling at me.
"No, you're a troublemaker!" I said. "You're the one committing infidelity!"
"You started it!"
"No I didn't!"
"Yes you did!"
"No, you started it in 8th grade when you went to the Christmas thing at school where my choir had to sing at and you saw me and like me so HA!"
"No, it's your fault because why'd you have to look so beautiful?!"
I laughed, "It's your fault because you were born first."
"No, it's your fault because you were born after me and you're the problem!"
"No, you were born first so you're the first problem!"
"First is the worst, second is the best. You're the biggest problem that makes you the best!"
He smiled and I laughed really loud. His hat that he put on when he came back fell and I asked if I could wear it even though I know he doesn't like it when other wear his hats.
"Yeah." he said
"I can wear it?! Wait a...I know what this is... You want me to wear this hat and nothing else."
"Ya got me!" He joked. I laughed too and put the hat on him. He smiled, "Oh I see how it is. You want me to wear this hat and nothing else."
I laughed and joked back, "Dang. You're good." We both laughed but right when the laughing stopped, I pushed myself off the front passanger's seat and onto his seat. I was sitting directly on his package and my hands were on his abs. At first I was smiling, because I was just playing around, but he looked at me with all seriousness. He kinda had the look between "Holy crap I can't believe she did that" and "I want you so bad right now." I slowly leaned toward him, my hands on his shoulders and my smile completely gone. I looked at him like he was my prey. I am going to make him mine. Before I could reach his lips, he pulled forward a little and reached for mine. We were kissing again. I grabbed the back of his neck and could feel my shirt lifting slightly, one of his hands on my neck and the other at the small of my back. Both were grabbing at me hard, as I was grabbing the back of his neck pretty hard too. This time the kiss wasn't soft like it was in the back seat. It was dynamic, destructive, and impossible to resist. He started slowly grinding into me and when our lips let go for a second, he apologized but didn't stop. Or couldn't stop.
I went down his neck and bit him like I did before, the way that made him hard. His body got tense again and something of his poked me again. I did it again, and Brennan's grinding got harder. His eyes were shut tight while I sunk my teeth into his neck. I love this feeling, making him crazy like this. I'd bite down on his neck and hold it for a second and it made him go wild. I went back to making out with him. Brennan taught me the tongue trick and I had my first french kiss. I moved my lips from his and went back to biting him. My shirt was just about covering my bra and his arms were squeezing my back, the small of my back, and my waist, alternating throughout my body. He kept grinding harder and faster and I bit a little harder too, digging my nails into his hair. His whole body tensed up and he grabbed me tight, wrapping his arms around me, and for a few second stayed like that, before exhaling and loosing his grip.
"You know," he said when his muscles relaxed and I went back to just gently kissing his neck, "You're the kind of girl that is the reason guys buy porn."
Wow, my second time ever kissing a guy, and the same guy at that, and hopefully the only guy ever, and I already feel pretty confident about it. I got up and stared at him. We both smiled and I went back to my seat. He followed me, hovering over the passenger's seat. He kissed me again, moving his tongue quickly in my mouth, touching my tongue and teeth. I tried to copy his but failed. Looking at his lips, I smiled at my failure. He smiled at me, but he wasn't looking at my lips, he was looking at my eyes. He was looking at my eyes the whole time.
"You're such a fool." He whispered.
"How?" I asked
"You broke up with me so you wouldn't fall in love with me but you did anyway." He said. He sat back down in the driver's seat and thought about his life. He was so much in love with me and I broke up with him and shattered his heart. Just when he's finally about to move on five years later, I come back and tell him I loved him all this time and have been waiting for him to come back since he starting going out with a girl he originally went out to help him move on and make me jealous, which only the latter worked succesfully. "God has a sick sense of humor."
"That he does." I said. Everything was silent. "What time is it?" I searched my phone. "8:20."
"Crap, you gotta get home."
"I know." I don't want to leave. I sighed and gathered my stuff. We both walked to my car. I hugged his sister bye and went to hug him real tight like I always do. He hugged me real tight too. I said bye to both of them and got in my car and left. Besides today, this coming Thursday is the last time I'll see him in a long time.
As incredible as today was, there's that small voice inside me going 'He'll never be yours. You still have to move on.' I'm holding my breath, because I know that's what I have to do.
It's just kind of hard when I can still taste his coffee breathed lips on mine.
Corey: Yes, this happened today (28 November 2010, EXACTLY seven months, plus an hour since the last time he kissed me) and took me two hours to write down the second I got home. Funny, I'm wearing the same exact shirt I wore exactly seven months ago. I really, really like this shirt.
And yes I know I'm a horrible terrible evil person for kissing someone else's guy but you try to say no to the most handsome, amazing man in the world, especially when he's been a long time best friend!