"She doesn't have a penny on her!" said the first man, who was dressed very poorly. A broken pocket watch dangled from his coat pocket and his toes, which were quite smelly, peeked out of his shoes. His once fine tunic had been ruined by mud and dirt, his sleeves torn apart by something vicious, and his left pocket hung on by a single thread. He was quite a mess.

"Oh my… oh my, how utterly useless. What to do with the body, Sir?" said the second man, who did not look like a man at all. His nose was upturned and his hair was a wild sight. Two rather large teeth extended past his lip, which gave him a bit of a lisp. Twine glasses made his red eyes look twice their size. He was a sight to behold in his blue overalls.

"We could chop her up and use her for a stew!" The poor man exclaimed as he waved around a rusted axe.

"How deranged!" The mouse like man yelped. He lowered his friend's arm.

"Nothing's that strange. Besides if we leave her here, the suits will find her and will do just the same. Better us than them to have a fine meal, indeed," the deprived man insisted.

"Ho hum. She looks rather unpleasant, though. Her hair is too dark for a light sauce, and her skin too pasty to be anything tasty. What's a lady doing naked in the forest anyhoo? Oh bother. I guess just throw her atop the cart and follow my lead," sighed the mousy man and scurried on ahead; leaving his underprivileged friend to wrap the naked body in a newly purchased carpet and toss it onto their cart. "I wonder if she will awaken."

"I wonder if she'll go well with bacon!"

The two odd men carried on down the trail from the city to their home, which was a lovely cottage by the sea. They were far away from the city and that's how they liked it. They thought the stuffy suits were unfitting and moved to a place with better air. They were just outside of Wonderland and the Queen's rule; so they had to come up with a couple of their own rules in order to live. They would each refer to each other as "King", "Sir", or "Your Highness"; so both would get the taste of power, but neither was more powerful than the other. They would never resort to eating the other, even if they would otherwise die. Lastly, they were seeking followers for their kingdom, but had no such luck other than the local birds and a lonely turtle. NEVER under ANY circumstances would they befriend or trust a cat. Cats were notoriously known to be up to no good and to be consultants of the Queen.

The men supported their kingdom with their own farmed goods, but this year had been particularly rough since the Queen had ordered a wave of horrible insects to punish the in-city farmers, who had been late on their taxes. As a result, the hordes of insects had found a way to the two "king's" fields and destroyed their crops. Tragedy and famine hit Wonderland and the areas surrounding. Hunting was increased in order to feed families and now there was drastic decline in wildlife; nearly every species of small game had been wiped out. Residents in Wonderland became desperate and cannibalism resulted as a solution. There was nothing wonderful about the city, it only held danger.


"Where am I?" I asked to black darkness in front of me. No one seemed to be there. I rubbed the bruised bump on my head and tried to walk forward, but my movement was limited by the metal chain around my neck. My stomach felt sick with regret as I thought back. Clearly I was having a bad trip. "Well Ryan said it would only last five minutes; so I guess I'll sit and wait for it to be up." Each time another ray of light entered my cell I began to feel more anxious. I waited until the sun reached the middle of the sky to let out a wail. Soon afterwards I heard footsteps running towards me and I let out another cry after seeing my capturers; a mouse man and a bum. "Just let me go! Please! I don't know who set you up for this, but I'm really scared and I just want to go home!" I pitifully cried. The two men, who wore crowns made of scrap metal, looked at each other quizzically.

"What a noisy stew," one said to the other.

"This will not do," the other one sighed. "I guess we have to pick a job for you. What can you do? What can you do?"

"Can you sew?"

"Can you make us stew?"

"Or maybe something entirely new!" They grinned at one another and chirped together,

"Can you screw?" I was taken aback, appalled by their rude question. I stuttered to say,

"No. I can do none of these things. I cannot sew, or make a stew, and will CERTAINLY NOT SCREW!"

"Oh phoo," grunted the mouse. "I suppose we will have to find some purpose for you within our kingdom."

"Ha, no way you guys are kings?" I scoffed in amusement. They look rather offended by my comment and glared angrily into my cell.

"We are the finest kings to sit upon a throne! Now listen here, little girl, we must find something for you to do or we will make a stew of you! You best shut your trap if you know what is good; we may even send the suits after you! That won't be pleasant and there won't be any delight," hissed the bum.

"Only FRIGHT! You'll wish with all your might that you had listened to Impecunious Hapless and Myoxus Dormous!" giggled Myoxus. They threw me a container and told me they would be back in an hour. I hesitantly opened the lid and gagged at the contents inside. I screamed as I smashed the bowl against the wall in front of me. Blood seeped from a crack in the container and spread across the floor. Human fingers tumbled out of it and I could not help but to weep again. I heard the descending laughter of my kidnappers

When I took that hit I thought I would open my eyes five minutes later and find Ryan and Joey smiling at me asking me how it was. Not this. Never would I have imagined this.