End of Selfishness

In the end,
It was all my
Selfishness
That kept you imprisoned.

I know I was prone to
Flinging your feelings 'round
As if they were toys
And I but an angry child
Shattering
Smashing
Until all those emotions
Ceased to function in you.
They lay broken in
Tragically beautiful shards
Glistening in the light
But devoid of their life.
All because of
Selfishness.

To make the matters worse,
I had the glue to
Fix you and make you whole again,
And yet I simply walked away
To leave you to fix yourself.
No amount of apologies
Will ever make you whole.
But now I hope to try.

I admit I never treated
Your interests with the same care
I gave to my own.
Maybe it was my insecure fears
That prevented me from
Behaving properly,
Or perhaps it was that blasted
Selfishness
Playing me like an instrument
Over and over
Until the notes became real
And the truth became the notes.
All thanks to
Selfishness.

Gentle lyrics forever lost
Sweet truth shrouded in deception
Reality laced with darkness
Turning love into a quarrel of words
And turning me into a dreaded monster
That caused such pain and fear.
How could I ever forgive myself
For the creature I've become?
And how could you?
And could you?

I give honesty to the concept
That most of the fights were my instigation
Testing the water for limits
That I could not see,
But always pushing beyond those limits
When they were acheieved,
Just to see how far I could push.
Blatantly playing with fragile feelings
All because of my
Selfishness.

Even when you'd fire back at me
And I knowingly deserved every stab,
I'd hold it against you until
Apologies were rendered.
Apologies that I instead
Should have
Given
And not
Receieved.

But today I've decided to put
An end to all of my
Selfishness.
Today I've decided to take matters
Into my own shaking hands,
Throwing away the
Selfishness
That keeps me on this damned path.

Today I decided to give you
Every chance in the world that you
Never had with me,
A chance to live your life
Without the fear of
Shattering
To pieces;
A chance to live
The way you want to without
Someone always chiding
In the background;
A chance to live without
Hiding behind a shield
Because deep down you know
That I'm
Selfish.

Today is
The end of
Selfishness.