That Feeling

Every once and a while I get this feeling. What feeling? All feelings. Sadness, happiness, anger, embarrassment.

These feelings are so secretive. Things I can't tell anyone. Not even my best friend. I feel like a shaken pop bottle about to explode. I just want to shout all my feelings to the world, but I know that if I did so, I would soon regret it.

One of these secrets is I have this huge crush on this guy named Conner, but he hardly knows me. I don't even think he knows I exist. There was this one time in my tenth grade algebra class he asked me for a pencil. My heart skipped a beat. All because of a pencil.

The next day rumour spread around Conner had broken up with his girlfriend. It was weird, they had been dating for over two years. Curiosity swam through me.

In a way I was actually happy. Conner was for once single, but deep down I had this little nagging voice saying, " give it up Lara, there's no way he'd pick you."

Then something changed. I don't know if the wind changed direction or a miracle occurred, but something had definitely changed.

I was walking home from school, when he started jogging up from behind me, " hey, your Lara right?" he asked. " Ya," I replied. " Cool," he answered. There was that awkward silence.

" So, say it."

" Say, what?"

" Well, there must be a reason for talking to me. Did someone put you up to it? Are you here to tease me? Do you want someone girl to get back at your girlfriend or something?" I shouted.

" No, no and definitely no!" he said looking at me. We stopped walking and just stared at each other. Then he pulled away and said, " I dunno, I've seen you in class and throughout the school, and well every time I look at you, you always have a different expression on your face. Sad, happy, confused.

" I just wanted to see if you were ok."

" Thanks," I said, "but I'm fine." I gave him this pathetic little smile to prove it. " Are you sure?"

I looked away for a second. Something inside of me just wanted to tell him everything that's been on my mind, but what if everything back fires? I was in the middle of my thoughts when he lightly touched my arm. And with that one touch, I knew I had to.

I don't know what came over me, but I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck and started to cry.

Conner lead me over to a small park bench and sat me down all the time keeping his arm around my shoulders. I started spilling every last detail to him. By the time I was finished he just sat there staring at me. I gave a quick giggle then buried my face into my hands.

" Wow, who knew." He finally replied. " I can't believe I just told you everything. How? I can barely have a three word conversation with the guy I've known since kindergarten. So how can I just tell you everything?"

" I dunno, maybe you just truth me." I looked at him like he had just gone crazy. He just smiled back. " So, Conner, if you trust me. Then tell me why you broke up with your girlfriend." I ventured. I figured the worst he could do was tell me to fuck off.

At first I thought he wasn't going to answer at all, but oh did he answer. He smiled, then leaned in a kissed me. I was paralyzed. I couldn't believe what was happen. It was so soft and gentle.

He pulled back, and I couldn't believe. He'd baffled me. My entire body sizzled. I was so distracted I didn't even notice him get up and leave. I got up myself, and ran after him. " Conner!" I shouted. He turned around and waiting for me to say something, " wh-what just happened?" I asked. He just looked at me with his dark brown eyes. They had a glisten of pure happiness. Then he turned and left. Leaving me behind, speechless and completely in love.