i couldn't do it.
i couldn't do it.
(not yet)
too soon.
i wasn't ready.
i was four steps away from walking into your bedroom,

four steps away from resolution.
i was afraid of being laughed at.
i was afraid you'd give me the look,
the look that every person i've ever cared too much about,

has given me.

(i had nerve in the past)
(i looked down on avoidance.)
(i believed in confrontation, in myself)

(now i am just afraid.)

i heard the music play,
i heard you laugh at the jokes,
i heard tidying up things.
as i saw myself reflected in that bathroom mirror.
as i saw myself try to be strong,
try to work up the courage to go out there,
go out there, tell you how i felt, how i feel.

laughlaughsneer,

thats all i could think.

---

dec. 10 '09