i didn't know it was possible to shake
so hard & not fall apart.
the minutes are ticking by & still i
try to breathe the dusty air—choking.
failing. i was always a failure (to you).
sputtering & coughing, crying
the tears that you (always) ignored,
(i'm just) a waste of
salt water & air (& your precious
time & energy & space).
i tried to reach out, i tried
(so hard) to find somethingsomeone
to hold on to. but
you weren't there, you could
never find the time
to make me b e t t e r. i'm
just a waste, i'm just a failure. you
didn't have the tools, the time,
the energy(, the want) to
i was(n't) always broken. i (just)
didn't know how to make the
pain go away. & now; now
i don't know how to make the
want go away.
i always wanted to live, but
now i just want to
d i e.
(life without you here just
isn't worth the effort.)