"Janelle stop!" Liam calls for about the millionth time since he chased me out of the gym. Yet I still feel like if I just stare at the ground and keep my speed, I can get to my car having to never look at him in those gorgeous eyes again. I cannot look him in the eyes. "Janelle stop, damn it!" He yells again as I grab my keys to unlock my car cursing that I do not have automatic locks. Dad said he would get it but I just have yet to go and I so hate it right now.
"Shit!" I curse dropping my keys. How utterly cliché is that move? Some guy chasing me, my shaking hands and keys getting dropped, yup just like some lame ass movie. Then of course which adds to this terrible movie is when my arm gets grabbed and I get spun around to face my chaser.
"God just stop," he repeats as his hands hold on tight to my arms just staring at me. He isn't speaking; just looking me over. His eyes running all over my body, my face, my look; taking everything that is me in all over again. "You…you look different," he first comments standing a little too close for my liking.
"Well it's been two years Liam. You don't think I would still look like I'm fifteen do you?" I question slightly annoyed wiggling my arms away from his grip and crossing them tight over my chest almost protecting.
"No," he says his eyes still running laps over my body. "You look good."
"Why are you here Liam?" I ask ignoring his comment and leaning up against my car yet then my body stiffens up when he takes a step closer to me.
"I moved," he mumbles with a weird tone as he looks like he is still trying to figure everything out in his head.
"Obviously, but why?"
"My mom," he answers simply placing his hand on either side of me still looking at me. "You're different. Everything is different, your hair, your clothes, your body," he mumbles still having to look me in the eyes as his hand runs up my leg resting on my hip bone giving me chills all over.
"Liam come on," I frown placing my hand on his pulling it off my side.
"You look good," he repeats finally looking up into my eyes and when he does his widen like he just now realized I am here. "Why are you here? You are not supposed to be here!" He gets almost annoyed with me taking a step back and I curse the fact my body almost seems upset without the heat of his right up against me.
"Excuse me?" I snap placing my hands on my hips.
"It has been two God damn years and you now decide to pop up in my life! Now when everything is so…so screwed up!" He continues to snap at me and I can't believe this conversation is actually happening. I can't believe he is seriously yelling at me! Then on top of that what is he talking about everything being so screwed up, what the hell can screw up the life of Mr. Perfect World, Perfect Life.
"Are you seriously mad at me?" I ask in disbelief at all this, what the hell is he mad at me for, I didn't do anything. "You popped up in my life! I have been living here for two years you dumbass!"
"That doesn't matter!" He yells at me as he starts running his hand through his hair. "This is not actually happening. There is no way when I have all this going on you just happen to pop back up," he mumbles more to himself and once again confusing the hell out of me.
"What are you talking about? Liam you are making absolutely no sense at all," I tell him and hate the almost worried feeling that is building in my chest.
"Nothing just…just forget it," he waves his hand at me. "It's none of your business anyway," he hisses at me and I quickly see his defenses pop up. His walls shoot up around him letting me realize something is going on, something he really doesn't want to talk about.
"Well fine," I growl bending down grabbing my keys off the ground. "You're right, it's not. Nothing that has to do with you matters to me, just like nothing I do matters to you!"
"Janelle wait. I didn't mean that." Yup again shocker there, I get pissed he gets apologetic.
"Listen Liam, I have made my life here. I am happy here and you are not going to come back into my life and ruin anything. So here is what we are going to do I will live my life and do what I want and you live yours and we both just stay out of each other's business. Just go on like we have no clue who the hell the other is," I open my car door climbing in and slamming it. "Sound good? Great," I roll eyes starting my car.
"No, that doesn't sound good! What if I don't want to go with that plan?" He asks holding onto my car, "What if I don't just want to act like nothing has ever happened between us and like I have no clue who you are?"
"Well for once Liam you aren't going to get your way," I tell him clicking on my seatbelt. "And if you have ever in your life cared about me then you will agree to it. Don't come here and mess everything up for me Liam. It's not fair," I sigh putting my car in drive and pulling away. This can't be happening; my life cannot be becoming this huge mess, because like I said it's not fair.
Wow I loved how that first encounter went. Don't you think me just staring at her like an idiot then yelling out her went fantastic? Oh I do; don't think it could have gone any better. Jackass.
That girl, still after all this time drives me completely insane and loves pulling out stops. Like me not talking to her, me not letting anyone know about our life, our past well that is just so damn dumb. That is so unfair!
Yet is it unfair? Is her not wanting me to come into her life and letting the world know of our past a bad thing? I mean I don't want her back; she doesn't want me back so why should I just already mess up my new reputation that has yet to start. I mean, I doubt the new guy who cheated on someone as sweet and pure and amazing as Janelle James will get in good with the school. I bet people love her here just like at our old school, it's impossible for someone to know her and not love the girl. To me Janelle James has always just been the definition of perfect. Her hair, her skin, the way she smelled like strawberries and tasted like mints along with a little something sweet. In all my nineteen years she was and has been the only girl I was afraid to approach, almost afraid to even touch her even after I got her. She was pure, graceful, loving and complete innocence.
She was my Butterfly. Brian brain
"Liam stop! Please, please stop!" Janelle begs as we wrestle on the beach. I have been trying for the last five minutes get her in the water and my girl is not at all happy with it.
"Baby why do you come to the beach then not get in the water?" I question reaching for her again but she just jumped passed me once again.
"Because the beach is warm and the water is cold!" She informs me but still laughing.
"Ok, ok I won't push you in the cold water," I promise giving her a half sided grin and she raises her eyebrow at me and I can tell she is not so sure if she believes me or not. "Come here," I reach for her hand and after hesitantly she slips her small hand in my bigger one as I pulled her into me. "However, I didn't say I wouldn't carry you into it," I smirk sweeping her up into my arms before she could object or fight me off.
"No, no please it's so cold!" She squirms in my arms, clinging tight onto my neck as I step into the water.
"Baby girl you keep moving I will drop you in it," I laugh as she stops moving burring her face in my neck like it would stop the water she was about to feel. "Ok one…" I count down as she arches her body in my arms like she was climbing up me.
"Two…" I bend my knees as I watch a big wave forming in the distance.
"It's going to be cold!" She cries feeling already the water that was splashing as we move in it.
"Three!" I yell as I jump into the wave taking us both under.
The water was just as cold as she thought and as we wrestled under the water I can tell she almost doesn't care. My arms pull her into me and the warmth of her body against mine is enough.
"Now was it really that bad?" I ask as we swam up the edge of the beach laying on the shore as the water rushed over us.
"Yes it was," she tells me in a matter of fact tone as she wiggled her body up mine so she was lying on top of me. "But since I was with you it's ok," she smiles tucking a stand of hair behind her ear leaning down and capturing my lips.
I love her, in the last six months I have become aware of that. I can't stand not being around her, not holding her or touching her and when she isn't around me I go nuts wanting her there. I am so in love with this girl it scares me. I have never been in love before, I didn't know how to love but I am and with her perfection laying on me I want to tell her but I'm scared. I'm not just scared she won't say it back because saying I love you for the first time and her not would suck but I am also worried about the sex thing.
We haven't had it.
Yeah it's true I have dated this girl for six months and we haven't had sex. I'm almost scared too and again I don't know why. Not like I haven't had sex before, I have had sex a good amount of times before but being with her petrifies me. She is almost untouchable and I don't know some reason I don't want to be the one to take that from her even though everything in me does.
So that is why I am scared to say it to her. I am afraid if I do she will think it's so we will have sex, that I am saying it to get some because that's not it and then I think she will then have sex with me just because I said it and ugh this all sucks!
"I'm ready," her raspy voice pulls me out of all my crazy thinking to look at her.
"What?" I curse myself for thinking so much that I didn't even hear what she was talking about.
"I'm ready Liam; I'm ready to be with you," she repeats placing her hand in the sand by my head pushing herself up to look at me.
"Why?" I ask stupidly. What kind of moron am I that when my girlfriend says she is ready to be with me I ask why. Wow Liam you are just so awesome.
"I…I umm…" She mumbles and I see her cheeks turn a little red and then realize I embarrassed her, wow I am doing great, "I'm sorry I just thought…I thought you wanted to but it's fine. It's whatever," she shakes it off jumping off me then taking off down the beach.
"Shit," I curse jumping up to follow her, "Jani wait," I follow reaching for her hand yet she pulls it away, "Baby stop where are you going?" I ask grabbing her hand to look at me and see the tears in her eyes, "Butterfly why are you crying? What's wrong?" I wipe her face not getting what at all just happened.
"Nothing I'm just stupidly emotional," she lies terribly shaking her head. "I cry when the wind blows the wrong way," she lets out a dry laugh wiping her tears.
"Janelle what's going on?" I push wanting her to tell me.
"Why don't you want to be with me?" She looks up at me through water filled eyes sniffling, "You are with everyone, and you have sex all the time why don't you want to do it with me?" She sniffles some, "Do you not want me?"
"What? Why would you even think that?" I ask completely shocked taking her gorgeous face in my hands. "Of course I want you," I tell her leaning my forehead against hers. "I want you more than anything."
"Then why did you say why? Why did you get all tense and weird when I told you I was ready? You are with everyone why not me?" She pouts stomping over and falling down on the sand.
"Because you aren't just like those girls to me Janelle," I tell her walking over and sitting next to her resting my hand on her knee. "Janelle you mean everything to me. I am so crazy about you and I…I don't know I'm scared," I admit falling back on my back in the sand completely embarrassed I just said that.
"What?" She looks over at me, "What you mean you are scared? Why are you scared?" She asks but I just laying with my hands on my face not going to speak ever again, just want to die in a hole admitting that I am scared to have sex with my girl, what kind of pansy ass am I, "Liam…" She whispers rolling her body on top of mine and removing my hands. "Talk to me," She begs brushing the back of her finger tips across my cheek.
"I just…" I trail off looking for what to say so I don't said even more like a little girl. "You're special to me. You're really above me and everything that is in my life and I somehow got you, how did that happen?"
"Because you asked and I said yes," she smiles the cutest smile I have ever seen in my life.
"Yeah you did," I give a half smile brushing her hair back cupping her cheek, "What if you regret it? What if in your head you have this all built up in your head and it turns out nothing like you thought? Nothing how you figured it would and you regret it? The last thing I ever want is to hurt you, I-"
"Shh…" She hushes me pushing her finger against my lips. "Liam I'm not going to regret anything. I know the last few months I have pushing the idea away but I'm ready now. Everything in me yells it's time," she whispers dropping her head down capturing my lips against hers. "You're the one."
"Liam are you even in there?" A hand waves in front of my face.
"What?" I shake my head turning to see Scotty someone on our team next to me. I have been in such a daze since the whole run in with Janelle. I mean I remember coming to practice, meeting everyone, running some plays yet it's all happening so slow; such a blur.
"Dude we are about to run another play but you are just standing here staring off into space. I know your new here and the town is a lot smaller than good old Clarkson but you still yell hut to start a play," he teases slapping me on the back before taking his place.
"Yeah," I laugh a little shaking my head, "Hut!"
What a jackass! What the hell was he thinking that wasn't what he wanted? That he doesn't know if he wants to just pretend not to know each other. That is the best idea! That is the only idea that will work without millions of questions and my quiet going unnoticed by the school reputation the same. I mean if the truth comes out and the shy girl in the corner who tries to keep to herself unnoticed turns out to actually know the new as everyone has said 'Hot star quarterback from Beverly Hills' then I will definitely get noticed and I will definitely get asked questions, questions and comments I do not want to hear.
Just sucks I know him so well because being as I do and being as if he is still the person I once loved I know he won't make anything easier for me. He never does. Even after the breakup he did all he could to get in my life, get to talk to me. Walk up in the halls grabbing my hand pulling me into an empty closet; wrapping his arms around me as I stood in the hall by my locker. Liam did all he could to get my attention, the attention that once he stopped I actually missed and I know without a doubt he will try again.