I have this feeling that I've been put on a suicide watch. No one has said it outright, or asked if I feel like hurting myself, but I'm not allowed to lock my door anymore and I'm watched closely whenever I use a sharp object. It's rather annoying really. If I was going to kill myself, I would have definitely done it long before now. It's not like I didn't have multiple means with which to do it when I was still living with my mother. Hell, if I couldn't kill myself living in hell, why would I kill myself once I had escaped it?

Maybe it was because of the nightmares that I have been having lately. My foster parents seem to be greatly distressed by me waking up screaming in the middle of the night, but unable to tell them what my dreams are about. Although, I am not sure if knowing the content of my dreams would make their distress any less. These nightmares entail the worst night of my life in that house and even I get sick at the thought of what happened then. But, let's see if this journal thing will actually help any.

It was sometime, mid-winter of my twelfth year when my mother decided that she was going to host a party for her clients. All of the whores were there to entertain the guests and my job was essentially to keep the glasses filled with the wine she had bought for the occasion. I had been running around all night, feeling incredibly exposed in what I had been required to wear and I was exhausted. I blame my exhaustion for why I failed to notice when the only people left in the room were my mother and several gentlemen who'd been steadily getting more friendly the more drunk they became.

It was about this time that my mother announced that it was time for their personal party and had them follow her to the basement. I, of course, was also told to follow, but at the time I had only a vague idea of why. The basement wasn't a place that I cared to go, even when I was only cleaning it. It was one of the more risque rooms in the house and only a select few of her clients were into that kind of thing. So I wasn't completely surprised when she announced that I was going to be the toy for these eight men and they had free reign of anything within the basement to use on me. I wasn't surprised, but I was definitely scared.

As soon as she left, I was ordered to remove the meager piece of clothing I had on and step over to a contraption that sort of resembled an X. My wrists and upper arms were strapped in to the top part, the cold metal running down my arms and sides. Then my ankles and thighs were strapped to the metal poles connected to a hinge with the one at my side. On either side, a pole came out from my sides to connect to the stand. Both sides had a crank. One of them I learned varied how far apart my legs were and the other dictated the angle the contraption held my body.

Each of the men searched the room, looking for something in particular. I had no idea what they were looking for, but I was shaking in fear and shame before the first returned with a blindfold and a small pill in his hands. I had expected that he wanted me to swallow the pill, but instead he tied the blindfold tightly around my head. The next thing I knew was that there was a pressure at my entrance, a finger pressing the pill deep into my rectum. I gasped, tears already welling in my eyes with how scared I was and now I had no idea who touching me or what else they had in store for me.

I know now that the pill was an aphrodisiac, but before it got into my bloodstream I felt the first harsh sting of a pleasure whip across my backside. It had to be one meant for pleasurable pain, as it didn't hurt terribly much, it was more that I wasn't expecting the slaps of the rubbery material on my skin. Normally, such a thing wouldn't have made my body hot, but the pill went to work soon after the whipping began and my small penis began to harden and grow. I thought that my body was betraying me, getting so turned on by the stupid whip, and the men around me were whispering about how quickly the medicine had gone into effect.

What I knew, was that my mind was swimming with a desire I didn't understand, my body yearning to be touched. Moans of pleasure escaped me as my arousal weeped, begging for attention that it was not getting. There was a brief pause in the whipping as a small cylindrical object was pushed even deeper into me than the pill was. I could feel the small cord it was attached to trailing out of me to something that was then hooked on the strap around my thigh. I cried out in pleasure as the object began to vibrate, hitting something in me that made my brain spin even more.

The whipping of my ass resumed after that, only now, they were light hits with something smaller and leather and the pleasure whip was now gently being brought across erection. Had I been in my right mind, this would have been awful, but with my body burning up as it was, each touch of a whip made me groan and my arousal twitch. I cried out as I climaxed soon after, the warm stickiness running down my legs and splattering on the floor in front of me. Part of me hoped that it was the end of it, but my body was still burning for more and as the vibration within my ass continued, my arousal quickly came back to life.

It was only after my erection came back that I felt the first hand touch it, but the touch wasn't to bring me to climax again. No, instead the hand slid a band around the base of my member and around the top of sack, explaining that I couldn't cum too much or I might become dehydrated and ruin their fun. I whimpered slightly as the words registered in my brain and the realization that I was in for a long night set it. Still, the vibrations increased and I cried out in pleasure despite my fear of what was still to come.

After that, I felt myself pitch forward and stifled a scream of fear that I was going to fall face first into the concrete floor. Of course, this was impossible because of the contraption that I was strapped to, but my mind was completely out of sorts and I'd forgotten about that. I gasped as my head was yanked up by my hair and someone used the opportunity to force their arousal into my mouth. My instinct was to bite, but I had been trained to give pleasure, so I began to suck on it, earning moans of pleasure from the man.

As I bobbed my head over the man's member, I felt something being pressed into my anus even though the previous cylinder was still inside of me. Whatever it was, it pressed that vibrating cylinder deeper into me, drawing forth muffled moans. The new object expanded once it was inside of me, pressing into my walls and stretching me, but not to a painful point. Another box was clipped to the strap on my thigh and this new intrusion came to life. I couldn't stop the moans from escaping me as the thing pulsed, a thicker part rolling up the walls of my canal as if I was being thrust into.

By the time I had sucked off what I could only assume was the eighth man, the vibrating cylinder had been pushed up to it's highest setting and the thrusting thing honestly felt like it was pounding into me. I was in tears though as my body needed to release the build up in my groin from the constant pleasure the pill and toys were creating. I screamed as I felt a mouth engulf all of my small member, further teasing me and making the pressure that much more painful to me. Another scream escaped me as the bands were briefly removed and all of the pent up semen was released into the warm mouth.

Unfortunately, my body was still burning and the man had not ceased yet in playing with my penis. The ones like him scared me more than those who just wanted to fuck me as he was a genuine pedo where the others just liked young holes to stick themselves in. The two invading toys were slowly turned down and then quickly removed, my body climaxing once more before it was left empty. I wasn't empty long as my hole was quickly filled with hardened flesh and the person that had been hovering around my prick moved away.

I have no idea how much time passed as they each took a turn pounding into my ass, but about halfway through them, the drug began to wear off and the pain began. My screams and moans of pleasure turned to ones of pain and I often lost consciousness only to have a bucket of water dumped over my head. When they were done, when they were all finally completely done, I was left lying on the cold concrete floor, naked and bleeding and covered in their ejaculations.

That was the worst day. That was the day I felt completely worthless and dirty. That day I had been proved to be nothing more than another whore in a whore house, despite the fact that I was merely a twelve year boy and the son of the mistress. I was nothing and my existence was only to be used and abused by whoever my mother decided to take money from that day.