First attempt at slash, don't shoot me if it's horrible, but i'll willingly accept constructive critisism!
I hate school.
Ok, that's a small, insignificant exaggeration of the truth. But the basic principle is there; school sucks, and everyone hates it.
The two subjects I like are English and German – the only ones I ever get decent marks in. And the German exchange student we had last year was hilarious – he was a nice guy, just hideously, hideously behind with the times. The guy wore Lederhosen. Lederhosen!
Although Lederhosen aren't that bad to wear – as for me knowing that, it's a long story. Basically, my mum had German friends, who had German twins – although I'm sure those twins were the same kind of twins you get in any other country – who had German clothes, who had the understandable urge to dress up the nearest non-moving object.
Unfortunately, I was glued to the TV screen when they attacked me. Dragging me kicking and screaming into the bathroom, they dressed me up in a shirt, lederhosen, and these weird block shoes.
Did I mention that these twins were both five years old? No? Well, they were. Jeeze, their mother must've been feeding them bloody steroids to have strength like that....or maybe I'm just a weakling...
Let's go with the steroids.
Here's the part where you think, Um, no, you're just a weakling who can't even hold off a five year old...
And I will snap back, there were TWO of them! TWO!
Hmm....I think introductions are in order.
Te he, I've always wanted to say that. Nevertheless, my name, ladies and gentlemen, is Daniel Smith. Such a nice, boring name, eh? I'm sixteen, soon to be seventeen, and to be frank, am completely and utterly butterly crazy.
I like eating ice cream on cold days. I have a slight tendency to blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind – and I have a disgustingly dirty mind. Seriously – I'm scared of my own thoughts. I can piss myself laughing over nothing and I tend to drive everyone around me crazy – it's a good thing they're all crazy in the first place.
Description? I'd like to describe myself as tall, dark and mysterious...which would completely mislead you, because I'm not tall, I'm not dark, and I couldn't be mysterious even if someone put a mask over my head and shoved me in a dark corner. Woe is me.
I have this thick blond hair that always flops in front of my face – it isn't long, quite short actually, and if I feel so inclined I spike it up with all the colours of the rainbow...
Ok. Maybe one colour of the rainbow at a time, but still.
My eyes are a stupid colour. Everyone gushes about how wonderfully green my eyes are, and how eye catching and attractive they are...I'd be happy with a dull brown if it would mean I didn't get stared at for having freaky cat eyes. They're so luminous and big, framed with thick black lashes that looks like, as my girl friends say – notice the huge gap between girls and friends, I have close friends who are girls, get over it – I've piled mascara on. Which I really, really haven't. I'm medium height, a tad on the short side, meaning I have to engage in a lot of sport to make up my manliness. I'm still taller than most girls, just not guys. I swim a lot and I'm in the school swimming team with a couple of friends.
I don't really care what clothes I wear. I throw on what's clean, with a couple of charity bracelets – I donate whenever I can, cos I'm a loving, kind person.
Nah. But I'm a sucker for charity, regardless what person I am.
I like to think of myself as a trustworthy person – I keep my friends secrets. However, I am a gossip. I like to know what's happening around me, and why. There's a reason why I'm the current secret keeper of the school – I know everyone's secrets. It's not that hard – bribe a few people, strategically place yourself in good listening situations and places, sort the truth from the mass of lies and speculation...and BAMN! You know everything.
Ooh, back to school – let me explain why I hate it so much.
When summer stars, you love the freedom – the sleeping in late, the spending your day in pyjamas, the going out late at night, the days you spend time with your friends – and in the middle of summer, you get bored. You've played your video games. You've done the whole party, drink, puke routine. You've had the treasured family time. You've done the stupid pranks on the neighbours and the soulful reflection time while having a peaceful walk in the forest...Ok about the last one, I'm joking, but you get my point, don't ya? Doncha?
So you wish school started – so you have something to do. And the at the end of summer, you long for those meaningless summer days, where you did nothing all day, and sleep at such weird times your body clock was all fucked up. And then school starts, and you hate it.
Hate it with a God smiting passion.
That's a thought actually...imagine if I were God, and I had the ability to smit–
My internal rambling was cut short as something soft and dry slapped into my face. Blinking, I peeled it off and peered at it, frowning.
A chicken sandwich. Which means the sandwich throwing culprit could only be...
A bundle of colours attacked me and hugged me around my middle, the black ponytail barely reaching my shoulder. I laughed and pushed her back, answering with an excited, "Danny!"
When we first met, she said her name. I said mine. And forevermore, that is how we say hello.
Amy belongs to a mental asylum....but not really. She's this five foot nothing midget who loves to dress up in as many different colours as possible, and loves to ramble.
"How was your summer?" She gushed. "Mine was awesome! I went skiing, and wore all my different coloured jackets and headbands and people stared but that didn't matter! And then I had a staring contest with a rabbit..."
"...a rabbit." I tried to keep the incredulity out of my voice.
"Yes! Of course a rabbit!" She huffed. "I fell into this hill, and on top of this burrow, and this rabbit came out and we stared at each other for like half an hour, and then I showed him the peace sign."
"Why'd you do that?"
"To show him I come in peace! Duh!" She flipped her long ponytail back, her brown eyes shining. "I've missed you so much." She declared suddenly. "This year, Danny boy, I'm gonna get you a girlfriend."
I opened my mouth to reply when a shocked voice cut me off. "But I thought I was his girlfriend already!"
Amy and I smirked at each other. "Hi, Sarah." We chorused.
Sarah gave me a fierce one armed hug, her short red her showing black highlights. "I'm the only woman he ever looks at. Aren't I, Danny?" Her grip tightened.
"Sure!" I yelped. "Yup, you're gorgeous, so hot, with your short hair and....and long legs and....er..." My eyes unwillingly flickered to her ample chest, which was covered in a simple black tank top with lots of army logos. "...High volume of breastiness?"
I got a slap for that, and her arm withdrew. "You're dumped. I'm saving myself for one man and one man only."
"Who?" I asked, despite myself.
Her smirk widened. "Arnold Schwarzenegger."
Sarah, like Amy, is also a good friend. She's a complete tomboy – her dad's in the army, and she has four older brothers. She hates everything girly and loves a fight. That's why she gets detention so much – her slugging of guys (and bitchy girls) gets her into trouble a lot. But she is a determined and loyal friend that will always have your back.
"But he's like...." I paused. "Like...old."
"It's how you use it, Danny, how you use it. Something you wouldn't know."
I flipped her off and sucked in a huge breath to spit out a retort, when a deep voice rang out, "Now, now, people. Love and peace."
I craned my neck to look above me, grinning widely. "Hey, Max."
Max is 6'0 tall with tanned skin and black hair. His dark eyes were rimmed with kohl, and his blue skinny jeans seemed to go on forever. He has the dark and mysterious thing down pat, though. I bet it's the fact he's emo, something he vehemently denies. He is very quiet and unassuming, despite his bright clothes. He hates crowds and loud music, but will shatter his eardrums with his earphones whenever he listens to his iPod. Go figure.
"Hey." He drawled. He did a double take at Amy, his eyes blinking. "Um...you look colourful today."
"Thank you!" She beamed.
As in, epic silence.
Until the bell rang.
"Argh!" I shrieked. "Late on my first day!"
"You mean we're late!" Sarah grabbed my arm and propelled me forwards. "Onward!" Sarah roared, a truly ferocious sound. People hastily skid out of our way as Sarah dragged me mercilessly through the school halls, getting weird looks from both new and old students.
Don't look at me like I'm the deranged one! I'm the one who needs saving! Help! HELP!
"Silence!" Sarah snarled.
Oops. Didn't mean to let my plea of help be heard.
"We need to be in our English room in at oh nine hundred hours! And we have two minutes to get there, by foot, via the fifth staircase and corridors C, F and G. This is not a drill, people! Move! Move! Move!"
As Sarah entered her military mode, I went into a sort of daydream, imagining a circus of people working under Sarah's command. They'd be hard ridden and lowly paid. But she'd let us have free rides.
And candy. Don't forget the delicious, fluffy candy.