Why does it hurt so bad
To lose something I never had?
To have these feelings and nothing to do
Just sit around and wait for you
Why is it so hard to move on?
Knowing that what we had has come and gone
Is there a place where happiness is?
Like the type we had when we were kids
In my soul when you're around
Your name is that one beautiful sound
Now all I can do is walk and wonder
I lost it all in one stupid blunder
By telling you what I thought was right
I lose everything, and cause both of us strife
Now I know the nature of my errors
I just wish I could get rid of my cares
Yet now my heart won't let me go
Every time I try, it fights back screaming ''No, No, No''
Why does everything feel so wrong?
Where is the love that bound so strong?
I must move on to a new life, I'm told
Leaving behind my feelings, to not hold
I am only human and I am weak
But for you I would fight until defeat
I would do anything to repent the day
When you stumbled upon my careless ways
Now I have to deal with everything
When in reality I am left with nothing
I know you're never coming back, why would you?
Who would want this, who would want too.
You left, you walked away
And even now, I miss you more since that day
And then there is that other
Who is trapped in between and now hovers
I don't know what to do anymore
I want to be fair, but I cant close the door
Why can't I let myself, smile and wave?
Why do I have to do this, to flee and crave?
Why do I have to hurt, her innocence endearing
Why can't I let her in, she could help my healing
But am I really healing? Or is that a lie?
Another thing I've told myself, so I can fake a smile?
God I'm such a mess, if only, if only,
If only I had thought, then maybe my heart wouldn't be this lonely
I can't do that to her
To use her like that other
I refuse to be that one more person
So I need to fix myself, to find that passion
I won't use her like a rebound
I wont cheat on everyone around
If anything is going to happen, its going to be because I did it myself
And if that time comes, I hope I haven't lost sight of everyone else
It's because I care,
That's makes me want to be fair
I'm sorry for doing this, I'm only trying to protect you
If I'm going to be anything, I'm going to be true
I feel so pathetic, I'm disgusted
Disgusted with myself, for breaking so many who trusted
What am I doing? How did I get here?
Am I really fighting? Or am I hiding in fear?
Our time was short, but it felt like forever
I wish I could go back, when we were together
Is optimism real? Or is it an Illusion?
I don't know anything anymore, I'm lost in my own confusion
The nights I used to adore
Are no happy nights, no more
I stand and stare, outside this window
Am I ever going to move? Am I ever going to know?
I wish for one more chance
I wish for one last dance
I wish I could have soothed your fears
I wish I could be beside you, not far, but near
I'm sorry for causing you pain
I wish I could kiss you in the rain
I'm more sorry than you can imagine
I wish I could just see you grin
''Is is cheating to be in love with one person, your heart imprinted with their name, and yet be with someone else?''
For me it is.
It's cheating on you.
It's cheating on me.
It's cheating on her.
And I wont do that. You already believe whole heartedly that I've done it once, and that breaks my heart.
I'm not going to do it again.
I'm sorry for letting things blow up in our faces
I'm sorry for letting you walk away without a trace.
I wish I could reverse everything I've done
I wish you would just come back home.
I've never been a very subtle person, have I?
I wrote this in desperation to vent out all my emotion/feeling. Haha wow, it's almost like my thought process at that time.
*sigh* I wish a lot of things.
And the fact that i acknowledge that it was my fault?
I love you.
And for you, if you're reading this?
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But i refuse to be another one of them. I won't do that to you.