If I could, I would…

I love you like I would anyone else. I want to love you more. If I could, I would…

It's you. Again. I can't believe how many times you've tried calling me. I lost count ages ago. Well, it seems that way.
And now you're here. Actually bothering to show your face. Shouldn't have bothered. Shouldn't have come. All those rejected calls, unanswered messages. Didn't that tell you enough? I don't want you.
And yet, as you turn to go, I feel an ache of longing. I want you back with me, but how can I? After everything you've done; all the heart break and agro. It doesn't make sense for me to still want you, still need you. But I do. But I can't.
It seems, as I peer around the curtain to see you look back at he house, you are sorry. But I can't trust anyone now. Not ever again. I want to forgive you. I want to love you. I want you to love me.
If I could, I would love you. I would kiss you in the rain. I would hold you close to me. I would do anything and everything for you. If I could, I would. But I can't. I want o love you, but I have no heart left to love you with. You took it, tore it up, set fire to it, and cast it down into the pits of hell, where it lies bleeding, ruined.
How can you say you love me, say you care, after doing that? How can I say I want to love you, say I want to care, after you've done that? You can't. I can't. Nobody can.
But, still… Don't want to, still do… I LOVE YOU… I HATE YOU… all the time…