the boy was so gentle, pressing his face into his neck. jacob could remember back, years back, when he'd met riley. riley was just as gentle, always smiling and laughing and having fun. riley was bigger then him, taller, wider, but he was blind. and his mind was frail, jacob had sworn to never let anyone break it. riley was still very much a child, so sheltered by his mother/ they grew up together like that, and when riley told jacob that he liked him, jacob had just smiled and laughed a bit, looking away with a bright blush until he heard a sniffle. riley had whispered a "no, really. i like you" and jacob had scooped him up as best he could, cuddling him there.

when riley turned thirteen, it was only a year after they'd become 'boyfriends.' they'd kissed twice, but that was okay for jacob. riley was thirteen and his mom had a job promotion and swept him away to another city. jacob promised to call him—they hadn't broken up. not to riley. he didn't get the memo when jacob said 'long distance relationships never work.' but jacob never called, and riley slowly started to quiet. mute, he was called. blind and mute. stupid and dumb. he turned fifteen and according to his mother, he was maturing nicely. handsome young boy, if he'd only speak, and if she had the money for the eye surgery he needed. he turned fifteen and his mother took him back, the renters had moved out and she couldn't sell the house or afford to keep it and rent the one they lived in.

and riley came home, and jacob was sent over by his mother, who cancelled his plans for the day.

"but mom, he was just a childhood friend. it doesn't matter—he probably doesn't want to see me." i never called.

"no, jacob. he needs you. i already called that blonde girl and told her you couldn't make it." please don't be like this.

"fine, mom. you're a bitch." i never fucking called him.

slap. "don't talk to me like that, young man." why did he turn out so mean?

"jacob?" it was a quiet whisper, his voice so cold and unused. his mom had almost cried with joy to hear her little boy talk again.

"yeah, ry. it's me." and riley had (carefully) flung himself to jacob, hugging him tightly, face pressed into his neck.

"i missed you!" he sounded so happy, and his mother walked out of the room, clicking the door behind her, not looking back. not seeing the look of disgust on jacob's face.

"look, riley." the brunette murmured (jacob had brown hair, and lots of it. no matter how short he cut it, it was thick.) "it wasn't my choice to be here today, alright? my mom made me. so please, don't annoy me. we have approximately two hours to sit and pretend to be friends again."
when he felt riley slip off of him, scooting away and sitting on his bed, he couldn't help but feel bad because of the look on riley's face. the look he never wanted to see there, the look that had started their second kiss. a boy had made riley cry in school, and jacob had there to softly kiss him and tell him he was pretty. (not some dumb blind faggot.)

"look, riley. i don't have anything against you, you're just kind of… old news. you were nice back then, a really good friend. but things are different now, and i have different, better friends. it's like an upgrade, y'see?" he was mentally hitting himself as the tall blonde's face continued to drop, face tilted downwards. he was crying, jacob could tell.

"we weren't just friends, jacob. you said so yourself. we were boyfriends, we were going to be together forever. a little bit of time apart never hurt anyone, you said." a soft sniffle, and jacob couldn't look at him anymore.

riley was sixteen, and he was finally getting what he wanted. his eyes were going to be fixed, he'd still need to wear thick glasses, but he would be able to see. riley was sixteen and going to public school, jacob had been ignoring him. when jacob found out he was getting his eyes fixed though, slowly things started to change between them.

friend, good friend, best friend, and then a kiss. gentle, only to the cheek. one per day was given. and he could feel riley trusting him again, jacob could. slowly.

riley was seventeen, and he could finally see jacob. riley was seventeen and he was experiencing wet dreams for the first time. he didn't know how to tell jacob about them, they'd only been 'dating' for two months.

but he did, and when he felt jacob's hand slide up his inner thigh, he let out a soft moan. pleading, almost. he felt jacob's hand slide up his shirt, and when he fell back against the bed, he opened his mouth to jacob's. after a few moments, though, riley pulled away again.

"what?" jacob almost hissed, looking down at the blonde, who was blinking rapidly.
"wait. wait." he whispered gently, reaching a hand up to stroke his face. "i love you." he offered him a smile, tilting his head a bit. he was always the boy with emotions, too much of them.

"is that all?" jacob mumbled, leaning down to kiss him again.
"no, no. wait. don't you love me, too?" riley looked at him for a moment, his world stilling a bit. "you don't have… have sex with people you don't love. that's… that's wrong."
jacob looked down at him for a moment, the anger and need for sex welling in his chest as he rolled off of him. "no, riley. no, i don't love you. you're pretty damn near unlovable, so fucking annoying with your need to always touch me and hug me. why can't we just fuck, riley? hmm? because it's wrong? who gives two shits about something being wrong? what, you think prostitutes fall in love with everyone? damn, riley. you need a fucking reality check." angry green eyes met hurt brown ones as riley recoiled, pulling his shirt back on. and jacob went home, leaving riley to lay and curl in on himself.

("i love you, baby. sleep well!"
"you don't love me, mom. shut up. i'm unlovable."

when jacob got home, he realized the impact of his words. the way being loved scared him, so much. and he also realized that he was in love, with riley. and he was in love with hurting riley, tearing at his weaknesses and marring his views of a beautiful world. and it was sick, it was wrong.

and in jacob's mind, it was all riley's fault for moving away.