A/N: I have a billion and a half things to do, but I wanted to do this most of all. A quick little one-shot (Edit: Not anymore… more like drabbly chapters) in Gavin's POV.
To those of you who don't know, this is a prequel to Power Trip, another story I have here on FictionPress.
If you want my advice, I would read Power Trip first.
EDIT: I completely re-did this chapter. If you are reading this a second time and it looks different, you're not crazy. O_o;;
The new kid.
From the first moment he had stepped foot on the school grounds, I felt like I was going to explode. It came unexpectedly, with enough force to knock me out. No warnings, though I don't know if that'd make any of it less severe.
His hair was perfect - not too short or too long, but dark brown and shaggy. And when you actually looked at him, you could see his blue eyes smiling.
For one long moment he looked right at me. Maybe because I was staring so avidly that he couldn't help but look over, but he did something no one else had; he acknowledged my existence. With a small wave, he turned and headed up the steps and through the front doors.
Before that moment, I was invisible. Sometimes I preferred it that way, but in that very moment I was the happiest I had ever been in my miserable, convoluted lifetime.
He had waved at me.
Brecken Waters. It was a perfect name, for the perfect guy.
He smiled a crooked grin as he was introduced in fourth period Bio, and a million little questions fluttered through my head. Was he shy? Embarrassed? Nervous? Or was that his genuine smile? It was perfect, no matter why it came about.
His seat was right in front of mine, and I tried keeping my expression calm and collective as he walked down the aisle and gave another glance at me. This time, his eyes were a little glossed over. I could tell he didn't actually notice me.
It was disappointing, but I'd endured this my whole life, so I was quickly swept away again.
He smelt good. Much better than anyone else, I was sure. As soon as he sat down I could smell the combination of saltwater and musk in his cologne and I didn't take my eyes off the back of his head for the entire period. It didn't matter if anyone had noticed, because I knew that no one had. Nobody ever did.
I saw him in the halls regularly. Each and every time I stared pointedly at him. But he never even looked in my direction. He was too engrossed in conversation. Day after day, I would make it a point to walk behind him to classes. Every day it seemed as if he made a new life-long friend. Brecken was friendly, outgoing and kind so of course everyone was naturally attracted to him.
Especially the girls, and there were many of them. They fawned over him as he passed, reaching out for his attention and receiving it so easily with just a smile and a twirl of the hair. Guys seemed to fall under this spell too, because they would spot him in the hall and punch him in the shoulder playfully.
He noticed each one of these people, so why couldn't he notice me again?
In the mirror, I could see how easy it would be to overlook someone such as myself. There was nothing extraordinary about me. I was scrawnier than most guys, and I was rather plain looking. Sandy blonde hair - in fact, I wasn't even sure if that was the right color. It looked like sand in any case and I never did anything special with it. I stared deeply into my green eyes, deciding whether or not they were the most interesting thing about me.
"Why are you staring at yourself so hard?"
I turned slowly, pathetically, to face my parents, who were now fighting each other off to be the first to dote on me. It was my mom who won this time, and in her victory she shut the bathroom door and locked it.
"I'm in love with someone, and I don't exist," I said truthfully, turning back to the mirror and practicing opening my eyes as wide as I could. Some people had trouble with the truth, but it was an easy concept to me. I was a ghost and that was all there was to it.
"Oh now," my mother said, coming to stand beside me in the mirror and wrapping an arm around a shoulder. "Anyone can see that you're there! Look, you're another three inches taller!"
She was right, I had grown another three inches. But that was besides the point. "No, mom. It doesn't matter how tall I am, or what I say, or what I do. Nobody notices me."
Here she hesitated, neither confirming nor denying this."You just have to put your feelings out there," she said softly. "She will never understand how you feel if you sit back and let yourself go unnoticed."
"It's a boy, mom."
My mom looked thoughtful for a moment, and then continued. "Well then, he will never understand unless you make it known."
I groaned. My parents were too accepting, too optimistic. I was expecting a little shock at the news that I was gay, but of course it didn't faze them. They didn't care about stuff like that. "If I say anything, he will laugh at me."
"Then he's no good for you," she said simply.
"Of course he's no good for me." I was frustrated. "He's good looking, and he knows it, and he could have any girl at our school. Why, for one minute, would he want me? How?"
"We can't choose who we're in love with," she said finally. "But we can choose our actions. You can decide to do something about it, Gavin, and I think you should tell him." She was looking sincere, as always.
"Pretty deep," I said.
But she smiled widely. "You think? Anyway, you're not ugly, so you might have a chance with him."
Of course she had to ruin it.
Before Brecken, I hadn't been attracted to any gender specifically. So it was weird when I began to notice features in other guys that I hadn't before. I found guys I was attracted to, but none of them ever compared to Brecken, and I had to wonder why. Why was I so obsessed with him? Surely it was pathetic; my actions and behaviors; watching him any second I could…
Like right now, as we ran laps around the field for Phys Ed. Off in the distance I could see Brecken, kicking a soccer ball back and forth with someone. I didn't know if he was skipping class or what, but he obviously liked Soccer.
The good days were when Brecken was on the field bright and early, smiling and laughing.
But Brecken wasn't that perfect, and there were days he'd be on the field in the rain, kicking ball after ball into empty nets and there would be no smiles. Nothing except what I could only understand as a fierce determination to just get through life.
I wondered how I would tell Brecken. How I would tell him that I knew so much about him. That I knew his favourite color was green, that he loved spicy food, and that he had a pet he cared about a lot. I knew all these things because I observed.
I noticed that everything he treasured was green. His binder, his soccer ball, his car. I knew he loved spicy food because he was one of the only ones to dare trying the Five Alarm Chili every Friday. I knew he had a pet he cared about because he came to school with pet hair sticking every which way to his clothes.
And I also knew, deep down, that I didn't have a chance with him.
But I fantasized anyway, going through the perfect conversation with him. I would dream of talking to him, of finding out if he had a cat or a dog or what he was really thinking about when he'd be caught not paying attention in class - which was more often than not lately.
I believed this was because of Collin, a new friend Brecken had made on the soccer field. Anyone with a brain could see that Collin was bad news. He smoked and drank on the tarmac, sometimes laying across the hood of Brecken's car in the morning and talking him into something.
One morning, as I passed, I saw Brecken shaking his head in disbelief at something Collin had said, but you could tell in Brecken's eyes that he believed whatever it was. The next day he came to school with his head shaved.
It was a bad day.
When Brecken joined the Soccer Team, he was really happy. Almost all of the times I saw him, in fact. It had been awhile since I had seen him in such a good mood. Recently he had looked a little lost, and I didn't know if Collin's team was where Brecken belonged, but if it put him in these good moods…
I watched every game. I saw how talented he was, and how happy and elated he'd get after winning a game. I saw how the crowd of girls would flock to him and give him congratulations, and how intense his smile was. It would make me ache in longing.
I knew I would probably never see him any happier, and I also knew that it would be my best chance to tell him my feelings.
"Tomorrow. I'm going to tell him," I announced suddenly at the dinner table, smacking my palms on the wood. I had to get it off my chest. I had to tell somebody, and my parents were my only friends.
My mom and dad looked up, startled and confused. "Tell who what now?" Dad asked, picking at Mom's infamously bad lasagne. He swallowed a piece with a grimace.
"Brecken," I said with furrowed brows. "After he wins the game tomorrow, I'm going to tell him that I love him."
Mom squealed in delight. "Well how exciting! Why after the game?"
I had been thinking about this for awhile. "Because that's when he's most happy. When he's himself. He will listen to me and hear me out. I know it."
"What if he loses?" Dad asked.
That, I had never even considered. "CLYDE!" Mom screeched.
My dad simply shrugged. "I'm just making sure he's prepared. That's quite an awful lot to confess about so randomly…"
"Well I think it's absolutely sweet, and Gavin is incredibly brave for admitting his feelings like this," Mom said. "Good luck honey."
They went with me to the game, and it was absolutely packed. I had trouble fighting through the crowd to find a good seat. This particular game determined if our school would go into the Semi-Finals, so naturally the tension was high. It did nothing to help my own anxious feelings.
"What if he laughs at me?" I asked for the millionth time that morning.
This time, my dad answered. "Then you'll go on living."
"Living will be harder," I mumbled. Too hard. Unbearably hard. The near constant pressure on my chest seemed to expand. I clamped my knees close to my body, hoping to ease the anxiety that was constricting me.
"Is that him?" Mom shouted excitedly, pointing to Brecken's form on the field.
"Yea," I muttered miserably.
"He's fit," she commented with a dramatic fanning of her face. Of course he was.
They won and suddenly I was thrust into another world. I couldn't hear the screams around me, I couldn't hear Mom or Dad. I could only hear my heartbeat and the voice in my head.
This would be my only chance. Somewhere deep down inside of me knew it. The only thing in the world I wanted was Brecken, and I wasn't going to get it following him around like a ghost.
I was surprised when I realized I was in the hall leading to the locker rooms. Distantly, I could hear the chants and the hollering. I could hear laughter that I knew Brecken was a part of. It seemed like an eternity, but finally Brecken ascended the stairs, his short hair wet and a little wavy.
I knew that I was exposed. I could feel that my face was an expression I didn't normally carry. It was sort of fitting though - for confessing something as important as love, a mask wasn't going to be any help. Besides, he was most definitely my cure.
Surprisingly, I didn't need to say anything. Some of the guys stopped right away, and soon Brecken was looking at me like he had never seen me before in his life. "What's up?" he asked. So casual, his voice so smooth that it didn't help my composure any.
"I love you."
A/N: If you want more, please read Power Trip, which continues in Brecken's POV. I would also like to ask you to review, because it makes me happy.
I was also thinking of continuing this one-shot, because there is so much more that Gavin deals with after this moment to get him to the character you know and love now.
EDIT: Please review. I am continuing this story ;).