Face off. What college teacher can come up with the best quotes?! Let's find out!! These are actual quote collected by myself and most likely have not been used elsewhere. If the latter is so, God help us all!

English vs. Psychology (Woodson vs. Shepko)



Woodson: "Heck, I don't even know where my office is. All I know is that it's downstairs, and if you want me go out in the hall and yell 'WOODSON!'"

Woodson: "What would you rather do? Go to college English class, or sit on your rump eating Cheetos till you're 300 pounds?"

Woodson: "'Horny'. It's not a bad word. But it's handy."

W: "When would you ever say "sexually excited"? That didn't even work for Bill Clinton."

W: "So, Sammy is distracted by these girls. What's a more specific word for distracted?"
Student: "Sexually excited."

W: "Orange food on every aisle? That's America!! Sweet!!!"

W: "I hope I don't ruin this for anyone, but, Darth Vader is Luke's father."

W: "No fat. No flavor. Put some lard in my chocolate chip cookies, missy. Please and thank you."

W: "…although, I'd rather eat a pound of Oreos, instead of a pound of fat"

W: "Picture your outline topics like fruit: Apples, Bananas, Strawberries .. Wait, that doesn't start with 'C'."

W: "I won't make your first paper due the day after the Super Bowl, cause you'll all probably be wasted out of your minds and whose going to write a paper. Cause c'mon, who doesn't watch the Super Bowl."
(Girl raises hand)
W : "What?! What's wrong with you?!?!?"

W: "Hopefully the guy from Food Town isn't putting your IV in you at the hospital."

W: "It's not like teaching English to people that drink cyanide kool-aid, and join a cult, and stuff…"


Shepko: "Now, pretend that all of you have an 'oompa loompa'. You must wait for your 'oompa loompa'. You must care for your 'oompa loompa'."

Shepko: "Now what do you do? Eat the cookies? Don't eat the cookies? I ate the cookies! I am a bad bad boy!"

S: "You're mad at your boss, so… you kick your dog!"

S: "Right now, identify someone in the room as a sexual object."

S: "When you think about sexual behavior, most people think "ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom."

S: "When I think about Freud I think about sex! Freud! Freud! Freud! Sex! Sex! Sex!"

S: "So there are actually scientists that do these things:
Scientist 1: 'I'm masturbating scientifically!'
…and Freud would be like: Woohhhhh...
Scientist 2: 'Scientifically, I think that's neat.'"


I think Woodson wins, by shear number alone. Shepko is more of a perv, whereas Woodson likes to ramble on like Led Zeppelin. Hooray for rambling. Hah, my grade says "Why the hell are you saying 'hooray'??"