A new semester with a new crazy teacher! Oh, community college never ceases to find some way of making me laugh. Hope you can laugh at least half the stuff he said, even though most is lost in context and translation! Oh, it's so much funnier in person, trust me. Heheh.
Professor Parra --- Welcome to Geography class
"You know how I know that map is conical? ... Because it says so. I just read it."
"Sometimes, it's better to be non-smart."
"What are the 7 wonders of the world? (Old 8-bit music blares from front desk speakers and almost makes Parra fall over) Woah!!! That scared me. I'm glad it shut up."
"Look there, in that picture! It's me: John Wayne!!"
"Thatsa what we gonna do-a."
"Woah, a mountain just formed from nowhere. What should we do? Maybe we should classify it, and put some lines around it?! (slams fist on desk) NO!!! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A LINE!!!"
"Anybody know what that is? It's a ying-yang-thang. No Koreans, eh? Koreans would know.."
"This area is called the crescent valley. Because it's shaped like a crescent. Ya know, like crescent rolls? Pillsbury doughboy? (pokes own stomach) Woo-hoo poke!"
"Density: It's how packed you are. It's how many sardines are in a can."
"Sometimes you need to speak up a bit. I'm hard of hearing, yeah. My wife says, 'Carlos, I cannot hear you!' and I'm like "Huh?". Half the time, I say that, just because. Like 50/50."
"And you base that on how much each person makes. You, you make no money, and I, I make millions! Mowahahahahahah!! No, no, just kidding. Of course I don't make millions of dollars: I work here!"
"(talking about Cuban immigrants) Here, here is 50 dollars. Go take him to the store and buy him some money."
"You go to DSW shoe store, and there's like 2,000 shoes of all colors!! Black, brown, blue, black, purple, black..black.."
"Just like a spinning top, what happens when the top slows down? It wobbles.. like a drunk. So is the Earth a drunk? No... well, maybe. The moon is a bad influence. The moon is pretty banged up, you might say it's stoned."
"When we talk about seasons, we talk only about the Northern hemisphere. We don't care about the Southern. It's only like Australia, New Zealand… nobody cares about you guys, sorry."
"So if you throw corn seeds on the ground without plowing, how many will grow?? Like 3... out of 250. Yeah, birds took 225 seeds, squirrels took 25, pissed 'cause the birds took so much."
"So instead, you would use a mortar and pestle to make flour. So how long would it take a lady, ..because a lady does that work; you won't see a man doing that, nope..."
"So the Euro's is a pretty smart money system. The bills are different sizes for different amounts. See here, all our bills are the same size! How do blind people pay with American money? If something was $5, and a blind guy gives me a $20, what stops me from giving him 3 $1 bills? 'Oh blind guy, this is 3 $5 bills'. Or even 2 $1's disguised as a $5 and a $10?? I'd be a crook!! Man, those Euro guys are smart. BRILLIANT!!"
"These old people are living long long lives. Well, that's a big problem!"
"That ain't no free! Just remember, there is no free lunch!"
"How can you be in Texas and not have Dr. Pepper?"
"The Manneken Pis! The Manneken Pis! You go to Brussels and you HAVE to see the Manneken Pis! The little boy holding his dinger donger and shootin' a stream!"
"Do you know that 50% of American kids think that rabbits procreate using eggs? Thanks Easter, thanks a lot. Only in America."