First part

So, I've finally decided to keep a diary, I mean, a black book.

According to Google, diaries are meant for emotional and depressed chicks, and black books are meant for bored and interesting dudes.

I'm a dude.

But physically I'm a woman (or teen girl if you prefer). I'm not choosing to be a dude because I dig chicks, no, not at all. The way chicks live are just way too childish for me. Okay, yeah, I still have to waste my money on tampons every month and wear a stupid bra every day, BUT, I don't shop every freakin' day, I don't wear pink nail polish, I don't cry when I watch stupid, soppy romantic movies, push-up bras are sluttish, I don't faint at the sight of Zac Efron shirtless, rugby players bore me, handbags are just plain weird, heels are pointless (you usually end up spraining your ankle), glitter is sooo six-year-old and relationships are only for getting hurt.

It's all true!

I've experience in all those things, except relationships, kissing and sex.

When I was grade six, my uncle tried to rape me while my parents had gone to sign the divorce papers. Yeah, I know, sucks.

'Cause my mom had an affair at work when I was in first grade, and she became pregnant. So they took blood tests, and guess what? My dad wasn't the dad. She cheated on him. About six years later, my dad had enough, he said they should "get it over with". So it's only me, dad and my half brother now. Yeah, I know, Dad was pretty nice adopting him and all. She didn't want him. She didn't want me either. So she ran off with a guy she met at a bar. Some millionaire.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking, we're pretty messed up. But I love my dad, and Shizzo. Shizzo's nine now, forth grade. I love them so much, and I love my friends too. And guess what? They're all guys. All eight of them.

We all have our problems and frustrations, and you know what rocks about us? We are always together. We stick up for each other too, like moer the guy who dare call us emo. We sulk together, we joke together, they don't date, I don't date, only friends. 'Cause friends are forever, right? And that's what we want, period.

My dad even lets them sleep in my room, in my bed!! But it's not like we do anything, we're only friends, and my dad knows that. Yeah, okay, black is our favourite colour, but there's nothing wrong with that. Let me introduce you to my friends,

Dan: His real name is Donovan, but we're

All against long names. He's a stud

Okay, but, girls, beware!! You're in for

a SCARE!!! A.k.a. moi. He is my bestest friend and don't you forget that!!

Cole: Cole was Cole until we found out his

name's Collinn. Hilarious. He is the worst in our group. This guy, is what you call, completely emo.

Sven: Yes, that's his real name. It's short enough. He's the

funny guy, cracks us up, the joker.

Spot: He's got an acne problem. Real name is

Francisco. And he looks like a surfer.

Ash: Ashley's parents are unknown. He's

adopted. His hair is always perfectly

cut. And, he's not so straight….

Zac: Zachery. He's Pete Wentz's identical twin, I

swear. He's the only one who is a little bit

shorter than me.

Kev: Kevin is a regular bunker, smoker and

drinker. He gets zits on the weirdest


Rob: Or Robot. Real name is Robert, the smart

one. He's gonna become a lawyer for

Goths. Don't ask.

Love'em all. Cole thinks we're destined to be together. He's kinda a freak, he totally believes in horoscopes. He guess who he has a crush on? That chick from Evanescence. Yeah, I know, weirdness.

But I still like him, he's got this really deep voice. And we sit together in science. In fact, I'm sitting in science right now, where I started my diary. Scratch that. Black Book.

Cole is staring at the girl in front of him as if she is something to eat. Very disturbing. I think the girl with braided red hair could feel it because she was squirming in her seat, looking horrified. Cole has something weird about him, his stare. It makes you feel like a plate of hot, fresh fries after him not eating for five days.

Rob was sitting in front, scribbling down notes about the Inferior Vena Cava part of The Heart. Really boring in my opinion. But Rob gets A's in every subject. The scientist.

Spot is decorating his pencil bag with tip-ex and lying on his English books. Guy doesn't even know what class he's in.

Zac is playing with his hair, making spikes with his spit.

Ash is doodling.

Sven is throwing bits of eraser at me. I'm throwing bits of wet paper back while trying to write.

Dan is sleeping, and snoring! I can see the teacher is getting annoyed.

And Kev is bunking.

Oh, there goes the bell, lunch. Whoop!


Kev joined us at lunch under our family tree (next to the hockey field). Nobody sits there, except us. You get what I mean? Right now, I'm lying under our huge oak tree, on my stomach, on the damp grass with Zac giving me a relaxing massage. He's been rubbing the part above my bum for five minutes now.

"Pervert." Kevin snarles.

Zac quickly moves back up to my shoulders.

"Hey, Suze!" Sven calls.

I groan.

"Your place after school?" he asks.

I groan.

They all nod like loons.

"I'll bring pizza." Dan says in between what looks or sounds like a yawn.

Then Rod starts, "Dudes that lesson was rad, I'm totally taking Biology next year, and Chemistry. I love the periodic table of elements, I've memorized it and…."

"Dude" Dan interrupts him.


"Shut the hell up."

Bell rings.


So now we're all lounging on my huge king-size bed, talking, about, stuff. Like, stuff that is bothering us at the mo'.

"So he yelled back at her and threw one of the pot plants which stood on the kitchen's window still toward her, but instead it hit me against my chest. I just couldn't stand it when he hurts my mom, I really love her. And I feel so freakin' hopeless and alone, I fear going home to face another fight. I wish they would just sign the divorce papers and get it over with."

Poor Spot, he doesn't deserve this. I wish I could just swoop all of them (my pals) up in my arms and take them to some island where there are no problems to mourn about, no situations to fight about, and no broken hearts to cry about.

"Spotty, listen to me, it doesn't have to be like this. You can talk to them." I said, sympathetically.

"Yeah man, tell'em it's bothering you, that you can't live like this. Well, I would've gone mad, I mean, damn, is your chest okay?" Dan asked.

"Dan, shut up, that isn't the problem here" Rob started.

"Oh, you know what? Maybe you should become a psychologist too, and then all your talents are covered!" Dan snapped.

"Thanks for the advice! Oh! But what about you? You're only option is sweeping the streets of freakin' Hillbrow." Rob spat back.

"Guys, guys! Please chill! No fighting now, we're helping Spot, remember?" I interrupted them.

"Yeah, save it for later" Cole kinda warned in that very deep voice of his.

Everyone was quiet after that, 'cause when Cole says more than three words, it's a miracle.

"Hey man, how's it goin' with your brother?" I asked Cole.

"Worse. He keeps escaping." Cole said, sadly.

Two years ago, when Cole's brother, Paul, was sixteen, he started taking drugs. I'm not quite sure what kind of drugs, but it affected his brain and lungs quite badly. He's been in rehab for more than four months now. We went to visit him last week, and he looked horrible. He's starting to look like a thirty-year-old now. His dark brown hair is even starting to fall out, and his arms are as thin as twigs. And Paul really likes me, as an encouraging friend that is. He is attractive, but, come on; I'm emo, and he's anyway eighteen.

"And," Cole continued, "he refuses to see our 'dad', somehow, 'dad' really offended him. Ha! Poor 'dad', Paul really has gone nuts. 'Dad' doesn't even exist."

"Man, how do you know? He may be out there." Ash reasoned, straightening is fringe with my cheap straightener. I glared at him.

"Er, whatever. So Kev, how's it going with you and your mom?" Cole changed the subject.

"Oh, you know, the usual. Everything is my fault." Kev sighed, looking hopeless.

"She shouldn't take it out on you. If the work makes her stressful, she should get another one." Sven said, annoyed.

"Sven, man, jobs aren't stuff you can quickly pick up at a drive-through or order from Mr. Delivery. It's darn hard to get." Kev replied.

"He's right. Jobs aren't easy to get." Dan added, "I think you should rather talk to her, tell her how it makes you feel. All mothers have a soft spot with that, you're bound to get her attention."

We all nodded, 'cause that was like totally true.

"Well thanks, will try." Kev said with a smile.

"So, I was, like, bored last night. So I made brownies. Who wants?" I suggested.

"Me!" they all chorused.

Sigh. Boys.