The King and the Thief

"Your Majesty, there is a governor from one of the outer provinces here to see you."

King Handsome sighed, but straightened once more in his chair. "Send him in."

The governor was not quite what the king had been expecting. He was well past middle age, but there was a certain confidence about him, and an air of efficiency offered by his robes, which were of high quality, but ever so slightly worn around the edges. "You wished to know the location of the thief Ajnin," the governor said, once the formalities had been fulfilled.

The king nodded. "I have only heard rumors of where he had been, though, never fact of where he is."

The governor scoffed. "That is because my peers are terrified of him, and would prefer to give him silver to leave them alone rather than have him take vengeance for telling you his location."

"And you are more noble than they?" King Handsome asked, for he'd heard rumors in the past months that the thief had been in this governor's province as well.

"Perhaps I am," the governor replied, "or perhaps I am merely out of silver, but whatever the reason, I have come to tell you that the thief Ajnin is even now in my province, where he will remain until just after dark. By the light of the moon, he will travel downriver to Ytic, your very capital city."

"That is very specific information," the king said, frowning at his governor.

The governor shrugged. "The thief makes no secret about where he has been or where he is heading. Will you be sending soldiers after him tonight?"

The king waved his hand. "Unlike mine enemy, I prefer to keep my plans unknown."

The governor nodded and withdrew.

"You are determined to go through with your plan, then?" the king's advisor asked, for he had the king's greatest trust.

King Handsome nodded. "It will work," he said. "Just see that things are prepared."

Ajnin slid his paddle through the water as silently as he could. Even the tiniest of splashes echoed back on the slow and wide river, and could potentially give his location away to anyone—though once any listener knew who it was that they had heard, they would no doubt throw themselves upon his mercy and offer up all their valuables.

Ajnin smirked as he thought about it; they'd give him gold, jewels, food it that was all they had. A few had even offered up their daughters, though those, at least, were safe from Ajnin's greed.

What would I do with a woman, anyway? he thought. A wife would just slow him down, or perhaps even try to 'change him.' Ajnin shuddered at the thought. The thrill of stealing, that drove him. Well, that and the rush of power provided by knowing that any man, woman or child in this country would do almost anything out of fear of the merest mention of his name.

Yes, life was good.

Ajnin skillfully directed his boat towards the shore, hopped out, and tied it to a nearby tree. It wasn't the securest place to leave his boat, but if someone stole it, well, that was how Ajnin had gotten the boat in the first place.

Treading silently up the thin dirt track the women used to bring their laundry to the river, Ajnin was startled to see a man sitting on the side of the road. Startled, but not threatened. "Who are you and what do you do out so late?" Ajnin asked, for it was well into the night.

"I am just an old man and no one of consequence," the man said. "Who are you and where are you bound?"

"I am the thief Ajnin," Ajnin replied. "And I go wherever I wish."

"You are Ajnin?" the man asked, his voice losing the quality of an old man's in his surprise. "Then it is you whom I have been waiting for."

Not another one, Ajnin thought. "I work alone," he said. He'd had a few followers a year or two back, but they had been caught and executed gruesomely, and Ajnin had vowed to drag no one else to that fate.

"I merely wish to be your disciple," the man said, standing tall—once again having forgotten that he was supposed to be 'old.' "I know that your previous followers were fools and did not follow your directions, which is why they were caught, and I assure you that I will not make the same mistake as they did."

Ajnin considered. He didn't want another follower, even one that –no, especially one that claimed he would follow Ajnin's every word—but there was something strange about this man who dressed like a peasant, but talked like a lord. Clearly there was something going on here, though Ajnin did not know what it would be. Every lord and governor in the kingdom was far too terrified of him to send a spy, but then what was this man doing here? I suppose it might be best to keep him near until I learn of his plan, Ajnin decided.

"I work alone," Ajnin said, "but if you wish to come with me tonight, I will teach you what I can."

"Oh, thank you, wise one," the stranger said. "I promise to learn much and interfere little."

Ajnin sighed silently, making slight adjustments to his evening's plan to account for an unexpected guest. "I will need a name to call you, at least," he said.

"You may call me Gnik," Gnik said.

Ajnin nodded. "Let us go into the city, then," he said, leading the way.

Gnik followed him, making little more noise than the thief himself, and Ajnin silently added 'military training' to the list of things he suspected about his new friend.

The night was dark, but parts of the city were still bright, most notably the red light district, which Ajnin always visited first upon entering Ytic—not for the usual reasons, but rather because they always paid him the most and the fastest. Everyone else often took a bit of convincing, but those who were already on the edge of legality already knew what was best.

Gnik frowned as they entered the district, but said nothing—something Ajnin appreciated, though he did not know if it meant anything.

"Wait out here," Ajnin said as they reached the side-door to one of the brothels.

"But—" Gnik began.

Ajnin frowned at him. "You promised to follow my every direction."

Gnik's lips thinned, but he fell silent and nodded before taking up a post beside the door. He was leaning into a pool of light, and Ajnin took a moment to study him before entering. Gnik was well-made and clean, his face unscarred and looking younger than he probably was—an appearance that reinforced Ajnin's thought that he was a noble of some sort despite his shabby clothes. He was also attractive enough that despite the danger—or perhaps because of it—Ajnin entertained the idea of seeing just how far he could push the 'follow every direction' agreement.

Just because he refused daughters didn't mean Ajnin was a eunuch, of course.

But right now was for other things, and Ajnin entered the brothel, leaving Gnik and such thoughts outside.

The bouncers immediately recognized Ajnin, and ushered him in to see the matron. "My girls say you arrived with a man," the matron said, holding the bag of silver Ajnin had come to collect.

Ajnin didn't know what she was getting at, so he held his peace.

"Does he know who you are?" she continued.

Ajnin raised an eyebrow. Everyone knew who he was.

"Very well, then do you know who he is?" the matron asked.

Ajnin's surprise showed only for an instant—though he should have been so surprised that the matron of the most popular brother in Ytic knew who a noble was—but that instant was long enough for a woman well-trained in reading men to see it.

"I might be able to tell you his identity," the matron said, her lips curling up in a tiny smile. "For a fee."

They negotiated. Ajnin got the better end of the deal before she even told him the name of the man leaning against the wall, though when he heard it he nearly dropped the whole bag of silver.

I suppose it makes sense, Ajnin thought as he slowly walked back through the brothel. There was only one man in the kingdom who he had not yet stolen from, after all. Only one was was not afraid of him.

He could not have trusted anyone else with this, I suppose. Not that it made Ajnin any more comfortable dragging the king around as he collected protection money from his subjects.

Outside, Gnik—or King Handsome, as Ajnin should probably think of him now—was right where the thief had left him. And Ajnin still had no idea what to do with him—well, no idea beyond finding a room and pushing that 'follow every direction' to its limit, which was just as appealing as it had been when Ajnin went into the brothel, if not a bit more.

"I heard something interesting while you were inside," Gnik said.

"Oh?" Ajnin asked, wondering where this would lead.

"It seems that a thief, trying to surpass your excellence, has broken into the castle tonight."

Ajnin snorted. "The more fool him. The king has no fear of thieves."

"Of course you are right, Wise Ajnin, but his presence there has distracted all the guards as they try to catch him. If we hurry, we will be able to sneak in and perhaps convince the king that he ought to fear thieves after all."

"I doubt that the king, in all his wisdom, will ever fall so low as to fear those such as us, but I suppose that we might give him a reason to rethink his defenses." It was a trap. It was so obviously a trap that a blind half-witted beggar would have been able to avoid it, but Ajnin would likely never get a better chance to rob the castle, so he had to trust that walking knowingly into the trap would give him enough of an edge that he could walk out again with his life. It was worth the risk just to try.

"Come, let us hurry," Gnik said, walking swiftly to the castle, not to the gate, but rather to a place where a ladder had been thrown over the wall. "Is that a ladder?" Gnik asked, revealing the ladder and the fact that he'd known it was there at the exact same time.

Ajnin said nothing, but walked up to the rope ladder and gave it an experimental tug. "I suppose this is how our rival got inside," Ajnin said.

"It's a good place," Gnik said. "There's a tall tree on the other side to climb down, so it will likely be awhile before the guards find this."

Ajnin nodded slowly. "And how do you know so much about the castle?" he asked.

"Well, I—" Gnik began.

"Are you still going to follow my every direction?" Ajnin interrupted.

"Yes, of course, I—"

"Then kiss me," Ajnin said. Maybe he couldn't push it too far, but if he was going to go out, he'd go out in style.

"What?"

"For luck; kiss me."

Gnik hesitated for a moment longer, clearly weighing a kiss against capturing the most notorious thief in the kingdom. Then he leaned forward, clearly aiming for a peck on the cheek.

Ajnin was an expert at stealing things, though, so it was nothing for him to steal a proper kiss from the king's lips.

Ajnin ended it almost as abruptly as it had begun, and then scaled the ladder quickly enough that the king was only just recovered when he reached the top of the wall.

There was indeed a large tree on the other side of the wall, and Ajnin jumped nimbly into its branches, where he waited for the king to join him. Together they climbed down the tree and slipped through the dark garden.

"Do you know where the treasury is?" Ajnin asked.

"It's this way," Gnik said. "I think," he added a moment later, possibly remembering that he shouldn't be so confident about the layout of the castle.

"Perhaps you should lead the way," Ajnin said, gesturing.

"No, no, I think you had—" the king began, but he was interrupted by shouting ahead. "That sounds like the guards."

"We don't want to get caught when they are looking for the other thief," Ajnin said, playing along because his lines were obvious. "Is there another way to get to the treasury?"

Gnik shook his head. "No, but we should be able to hide in there for awhile." He pointed at a dark and squat building off to the right.

"Lead the way," Ajnin said, hoping to slip into the dark as soon as the king got ahead of him—he was far too close to springing the trap already.

But Gnik grabbed his arm as another string of shouting drifted to them on the wind. "Are they getting closer?" he asked.

Ajnin tried to shake him off his arm, but had no luck. "I don't think so, but you had better let go of me so we can get to cover."

A yell came very close to where they were standing, and Gnik took off for the small building, still holding Ajnin's arm and dragging him along. The king had a very sturdy grip, too, completely unlike someone who was terrified of being chased through the dark.

Ajnin managed to get his arm back just as they reached their goal. He turned to run, but the king shouted, "HEY!" and the bushes they'd passed began to rustle and move.

Ajnin barely got three steps before he ran into one, and learned that it wasn't a bush at all, but rather a cleverly disguised guard. The guard's arms went around him and held fast, strong enough to resist Ajnin's slithering until he was surrounded on all sides and unable to escape.

Ajnin's hands were bound, and he was pushed to his knees before the king. "Well played, Your Majesty," he said, bowing his head voluntarily. "I am caught."

"Throw him in a cell," Gnik—or rather, King Handsome—said.

As King Handsome watched them take the thief away, he wondered at the slight feeling of guilt that was nibbling on his gut. Ajnin was a thief, nothing more. Just because he had a very distracting method of kissing did not mean that he could be pardoned or forgiven for all the silver he had stolen from Handsome's people.

"Are you all right, Your Majesty?" Handsome's advisor asked, hovering nearby.

Handsome nodded. "Arrange his trail for the morning," he said. "I want this over with." Leaving everything in his advisor's capable hands, Handsome retired to his rooms, though he spent the night pacing rather than sleeping. He was simply too wound up to settle for the night, his thoughts running in circles about stolen goods and stolen kisses.

When the sun finally raised her head above the horizon, the king put on a fresh robe and attempted to look as though he'd gotten at least a few hours' sleep.

King Handsome settled into his throne, almost glad that it was uncomfortable, and looked sternly over the gathered crowd. Handsome had expected a larger turn-out to see the most notorious criminal in the kingdom tried, but then, it had only been a few hours since Ajnin's capture, so perhaps word had not traveled quickly enough.

"Bring out the prisoner," King Handsome called over the subdued crowd—which was also rather strange for a public display like this.

There was a long pause wherein the quiet crowd grew completely silent. Then the door to the dungeon opened slowly, and a sheepish-looking guard stepped out, followed by Ajnin, who was forcing the guard along at knifepoint.

Ajnin flashed a cheeky smile at those attending, and the crowd burst out laughing.

Handsome's eyes narrowed. "Come here, thief," he said, gesturing.

Ajnin pulled his dagger away from the guard and strode up before the throne, where he bowed to the king. "Pray tell, Your Majesty, what am I doing here?"

"You've been arrested for breaking into the king's grounds, and are being charged with innumerable counts of theft," Handsome said.

Ajnin's lips pursed for a moment in thought. "I recall being invited here last night, by the establishment's most prominent resident," he said at last. "Indeed, he even showed me a handy backdoor, between exchanging friendly gestures, if you know what I mean."

Handsome frowned—perhaps he should have waited longer before the trial after all. "I do not know what you mean. You came here with the express purpose of robbing this castle, and this kingdom blind."

"Oh, no, Your Majesty," Ajnin said, looking innocent. "I was, in fact, directed to enter the castle by someone whom I dare not disobey."

The whole morning went like that. No matter what he accused Ajnin of, the thief merely played every accusation off as if it were a joke or a misunderstanding. He even denied stealing money from the peasants—claiming that the money had been offered to him freely as a gift.

Handsome's head was beginning to throb from the pressure and the knowledge that this man was making him look like an idiot in front of his people.

The king's advisor leaned over to speak with Handsome in a low voice. "You had better do something soon," he said. "Else you will end up letting him walk out of here on his own two feet. That man is entirely too clever."

The king sighed. "If only his cleverness was in my favor, rather than against me," he muttered. Then the thief would be close enough to keep an eye on, and if he ended up stealing a few more kisses, that was the least of Handsome's problems. But there was no way to keep the thief close, not unless—Handsome straightened his back as something occurred to him. "You say that you are a loyal subject of the crown," Handsome said to Ajnin.

"Of course, Your Majesty," Ajnin said with a respectful half-bow. "I have always been most loyal and most obedient to your wishes."

"Then I will offer you a position here at the palace, so that you might direct these skills of yours toward bettering yourself and my kingdom," King Handsome said.

"But I have no skills with which to fill a position in your court, Majesty," Ajnin said, his eyes widening slightly as he realized the trap he'd just walked into.

"Nonsense," Handsome replied, satisfied that he'd won. "I have just the position in mind." He let a moment of silence rest on everyone's shoulders. "Governor of Tax Collection."

Ajnin was Not Happy with his new designation as a tax collector—a tax collector, him!—and he planned to tell Handsome that, king or not, next time they were alone. And since Ajnin was an expert of extracting himself from situations, and at inserting himself into others, it did not take long for him to find that alone moment with the king.

"You cannot do this to me," Ajnin snapped.

Handsome smiled at him, clearly over the moon that he'd 'won' this round. "It's much too late for that."

"All my life I've avoided marrying so I could avoid having someone change me, and now—"

"I don't want to change you," Handsome interrupted. "Keep stealing, just put everything in the royal treasury after you take it."

"But the mere fact that it's legal means that there's no danger."

"So you're in it for the danger?" Handsome asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, but I—"

"Perhaps we could find something else dangerous for you to do with your time, then," Handsome said.

Ajnin didn't know where he was going with that, but he folded his arms and looked attentive.

"Something like an affair with the leader of the kingdom, maybe?"

"What—" Ajnin began, startled, but he didn't get any farther, since the king was stealing his kiss back.

Despite his protests, Ajnin settled down as the years past, finding that his position of Governor of Tax Collection suited his temperament just fine, especially when paired with an illicit affair and an occasional spying mission into the neighboring kingdoms. In time, Ajnin even began to train his own tax collectors—ones that never left with the wrong amount of tax, even if it had been given to them. Though tax collecting was their main employment, the more unique skills Ajnin had trained each of them in were soon discovered to be useful for other matters of state. No longer just simple tax collectors, the students of Ajnin became known as 'Ninja' and were both feared and respected throughout the land.

The End

This story is based (ever so loosely) on 'How the King of Pagan Caught the Thief' from Shan Folk Lore Stories From the Hill and Water Country by William C Griggs.