He gently stroked her hair, ran his fingers through it as he thought. She was finally exhausted, three days, it had taken three days for him to completely satiate her to the point of exhaustion. Who would believe a CHILD would have that kind of endurance.
And part of his soul was sick. She was really only a thirteen year old GIRL for all intents. And He, he was almost TWICE that old, his body that of a man in his 20s. What was he becoming, what kind of MONSTER that would do this to a child.
But he also remembered what his Master had told them only a few weeks ago, about what to look for in this girl, the signs of her "Growing up." And he hammered into them that it was NOW, at this age, not upper teens or early twenties, that it would begin for her, had always began at this age for her kind. This growing up.
And the talk later, with JUST him and the Master. Hammering in certain facts, making him remember, remember Dancer in the club. Beautiful, wild, free, but...Hungry. He knew that now, her body begging, teasing, and he had been half-blind to it.
Still that was better than the others. He had always danced with her with a similar passion, he just never took that next step. Had enjoyed her playful teasing, almost taunting moves. The way her hips almost ground against his, the feel of her body against him.
And when she did dance with others, trying them out, she always coming back to him, disapointed, saddened. Trying hard to find someone who understood what she wanted, needed. If only had had known. He could have shown her so much.
But what did Master want?
Kovus had hasked that very question and those eyes of his, burning into Havrok's soul, hard as iced granite. The answer was there, in that hardness.
Not a stupid answer like "For her to like him." or for her to "Know he was friendly" or even "To know he was intrested." Those answers would have driven his master to break enough bones so the memory would liger on his very deathbed, and perhaps beyound. In whatever distant age death would finally come for him.
But he DID want her, always had, every time they danced, he had forced himself to remember she was a "Patron" and as such, untouchable.
And Kovus had forced him to face the TRUTH of his soul. the words spoken still burned him. "You're like any real male. You see her, and you want to BREAK her. Break her, and reshape her according to your WHIM. Order and structure, that BOTH sides crave. Conquering her. Conquering your -slave-."
He had looked stricken he knew, because Kovus's next words were a warning to him NOT to apologize to her, "Apology from a MALE is PUTRID to a woman. Unsaid and unwritten, but reality more than what else might ever be claimed."
He drove his finger into Havrok's chest to emphasis his next words, "It means you don't take responsibility, take ORDER, over the moment. And if neither does, then it's her...'FAULT'...as much as yours."
Those hazel eyes burned green and he glared at Havrok, "If it's YOU, though...you lay down the rules yourself, period. Why would she DO that...? Because you made her. YOU did. Not merely need, not merely her nature. A woman in burning need is necessarily vulnerable. But it takes another...a MALE...to make her a SLAVE."
Master's voice softened then and became soothing, "So once she has been...don't accept for a moment her APOLOGIES, or her SORROW, for her doing whatever the hell YOU'VE required of her."
he knew it would break her, it already started. He wasn't stealing her mind from her, but...subsuming it...changing it, where needed. If he was "gentle and kind" it would cause uncertainty.
He had to tame her to him, and he was almost there, even in Rava she was frightened, submissive, but so very desirous.
When she regained her mind, he would have to take all of it and rule it, fierce and firm, demanding...and set ORDER, set her boundaries, and quickly. Cut off the self blame he KNEW was lurking because she was afraid she had used him.
And what had she ever done to deserve...This?? It was simple, in Master's world. She was Female, born to help, to comfort, to serve. She was born to be...Used this way.
And even as part of him rebelled, the needs came anyway, needs to rule her. And he knew if he didn't, she would feel rejected, try to bury what burned in her now. Burned in her blood and warmed his frozen soul.
In the end, Master was right, for all it broke his heart to admit it, he was RIGHT. If he showed dancer kindness, showed her sweetness, she HIT herself, for all intents. Punished herself for being different, or was it less, than an Arrahn, a person.
But if he treated her as....as a slave...as a member of a FIRM and fiercely structured order? Then she wasn't weak, she wasn't pathetic, she didn't give countenance to fools who called her Misborn, called her a mistake.
She was valued then, valued by males who saw her for what she was. Gloriously, obediently, vibrantly female. And for all she was a CHILD she was Female.
The old him..wanted to clench his teeth, at how vicious it was. The new him...the new him admited the truth, he had the power to take hold of her mind, to make it such she would practically have no will, in a certain way, anymore.
He desired it...? Obey!
He craved it...? Submit!
It was in her very blood, her veins, his for the taking, if he wanted it. And that was what was causing this war inside of him.
Part of him wanted the OLD Dancer, playful, wild and free. The other part of him....ached, burned with a near over-powering need to CONQUER, to SUBDUE, to DOMINATE this wild creature. Rule her mind, body and soul.
Rule her so she would think only what he wanted her to think, do what he wanted her to do. He forced his mind away, he didn't want to think about it.
If he was honest, he found that even though it hurt him, he didn't CARE. If it was what MASTER required...So be it! She was...KILL-WORTHY...as went the saying. And HE, in her mind, was Tantamount to a God.
"Kaja Emirr"..."Dancer"..."Echo"...Masks. And he wasn't accepting any more masks. And he let himself face the truth of what Master had done.
S'Kaja'a Asha'a, Shar'rin child, was now a Woman, and until the door was unlocked she was his slave. By Will of the Master, she was his property.
She sought security, she would receive it from his hand, once he had firm grip on her mind. Frightening thoughts? OH as her conqueror he could deal with it.
He would let her know she would be defended, so long as she was conquered. The least defiance, and it would be terror unknowable, but obedience....
And she wouldn't defy, reward - safety and gentleness - or Punishment - pain and fear - the choice was hers. The dichotomy shown by Master Tegatane.
The order she needed, Granted. With order, with something/someone to COUNT on. Something to...indeed...Trust. His eyes glowed green for a moment, with the knowledge...memory...of what needed to be done when she awake pouring through his mind like soothing balm.
He would NOT allow her to apologize, if anyone needed to it was HIM, for not seeing her need in the club, for not ANSWERING it as he should have. But he would answer it now, when her mind came back, as he should have then.
They would dance together, as it SHOULD have been so long ago. And he gently brushed the hair out of the sleeping woman-child's face, then pulled her tight against him so he would know when she finally awoke.
Awareness came slowly, and with it a flood of shame and remorse. Kaja pulled away from Havrok and buried her head in her arms her knees going up to her chest. She wished she dared to take her Rin form so she could hide under her wings.
But she couldn't, she didn't have permission, and in the Tower, when you were with a Warlord, you did not disobey an order.
It took her a while to control the need to cry, once she suppressed it, Kaja got out of bed and started gathering clothes, both his and hers.
"Going somewhere?" The voice startled her and she turned to see Havrok sitting up in bed, the sheet still over his lower body, his strong muscular chest bare to the warm air of the room.
Kaja bowed her head, "To gather our clothes, then to shower." She wished a shower would wash away the shame she felt. She had used him. Even though he didn't seem upset about it.
Havrok's voice was almost gentle as he asked, "And you make motion to do so, Why?"
She didn't look up as she folded one of his shirts followed by her half-dress. "It's over now, for at least a year."
She heard her voice crack, "I'm sorry."
She glanced at him, and saw his eyes narrow into slits and felt the anger, saw the dangerous glint in them,. "For...Obeying me, Dancer?"
She shook her head quickly, "No! For using you. For letting HIM trap you here." She folded his pants and his outer shirt as she spoke it kept her from crying.
He rolled his eyes, glancing away, "Me being WEAK, you mean. Concerned I might 'hurt you' and all that, despite what your nature requires. Practically making you feel BAD about...growing up? Being a Rin woman, now?"
Kaja shakes her head, "No, you were kind to me, probably kinder than I deserve."
Havrok's voice grows hard, "Kind, maybe. A mistake, certainly. One only growing in scope, the more time passes, and seeing you with this reaction."
His voice is like a whip, "FORGIVE you? What is there to forgive? If I wasn't what I am, then I should be seeking forgiveness, for not FORCING myself upon you."
She didn't look up, kept her eyes on the task at hand, finished folding her clothing and his, laying it out neatly on the bed.
And he growled then, low and full of...something. "Dangerous ground you walk, woman."
She shivered, he called her woman, instead of girl. She still couldn't meet his eyes, "You have been more kind than I deserve, I betrayed Chren, and even though you don't say it, I used you."
Havrok's voice was somewhere between laughter and a snarl of pure rage, "Used me. When I specifically chose to accept, when given choice by Lord Tegatane. That you would enter your...proper biological state...and that some male would be made sure to utter control and dominate you, for as long as it endured. It could be me, first choice, or he could find another. Or, perhaps...MAKE one."
Kaja spoke in a whisper, "There is only you or Chren." Rin biological imperatives, bound by instinct, only two males had given back the right signals to say they WERE males. Havrok, who gave back most of them, and Chren, who gave back all of them and initiated many on his own.
Two males who had subconsciously understood the subtle body language of the Rin no matter what shape they wore. And for a Rin that body language was just as important as smell, as touch.
Havrok smiled slightly, "Lord Tegatane is not bound by such limitations. It is not for nothing that Three watches the entire realm. And more besides."
"Please, Havrok, just say you forgive me."
The snarl was blood-chilling as he suddenly leaned forward and took her chin in his hand, forcing her to meet his eyes as he snarled "Cease asking; or you will be punished, female. There is nothing to forgive. UNLESS you continue pursuing this line of THOUGHT. THEN there will indeed be matters for you to be forgiven for."
She looked into those eyes, feeling vulnerable, wanting to believe so badly, then she tears her eyes away to hide the shame she still feels.
The sound of the sheets being swept away was almost like a retort. He swung his legs over and stood up, gloriously naked, even with her eyes on the floor she could see him rock hard and almost throbbing as he stocked towards her.
"ON YOUR KNEES, SLAVE...WOMAN!"
Kaja dropped, shaking and afraid, again he called her woman, not girl. And he could feel his hand in her hair, pulling her head back, towering over her in all his 'Primal Existence', and it was all she could do to keep from bellying to him right there.
"BEG my FORGIVENESS, indeed...for thinking you NEED it, for what is of your NATURE." he snarled it in her face.
"I'm sorry," She was trembling as she spoke, "for being what I am, and being weak."
His face was mask-like, the face not of her friend Havrok, but of Dragon Warlord Seven as he spat out, "Being what you are, as in constantly ashamed of your heritage, of your very blood? Or 'sorry' FOR that blood, that gift of being PRIMAL woman at heart?"
"For being a Misborn."
For a moment his voice was almost gentle, "Misborn?"
She said softly, "A genetic mistake, someone who should never have been born." what the term meant to her people. She had it driven into her since childhood, as much as Amrender's people accepted her, to her own she was unwanted, undesired.
For a few seconds he looked like he had been hit in the face with a board, pure shock, then disbelief, then finally seething RAGE. "Stand and face away from me, SLAVE."
Did Havrok finally realize that she was at fault for this, her very existence a mistake? Her voice cracked, "I'm so sorry, I wish now that N'tarin had listened to P'Tera, if he had I would never have wanted or needed Bayo or Bayon."
She heard a strange sound, if she didn't know better she would have SWORN it was a sob. Then she felt his hands on her hips, stroking her for a moment, then his fingers brushed between her legs, into her.
Then his hands returned to her hips and gripped her like a vice, then she felt him plunge himself in her, sheathing himself to the hilt and she cried out.
"Dancer, Sweet Dancer, HOW -I- WISH...that you would FEEL a MALE, DEMANDING your BODY, FORCING you to SERVE HIM UTTERLY..."
"But do YOU want me, or is this only because HE commands." Her voice is again despair filled and he doesn't move, his shaft throbbing inside her as he posses for a moment to consider.
His voice is soft, but filled with power, "You are Desired, Lovely Dancer, more than you...will ever be able to know...to understand...SLAVE..."
And he started moving again, slowly, deeply, powerfully, each thrust would knock her off her feet if he didn't keep hold of her hips.
"I am almost...I'm almost...of MIND...to make you BEG...FORGIVENESS...for even QUESTIONING...it...Dancer"
She shuttered then, "Just another slave?" Was that all she was now.
He drove himself in hard enough to make her yelp, it almost but not quit hurt and his right hand wrapped itself in her hair and pulled up head back, "NO slave to a WARLORD is just ANYTHING, FEMALE." he voice was an animalistic snarl, "Or are you deigning to demand that such be ferociously CLARIFIED in your understanding?"
His hand snaked up to her still flat breast and caressed a nipple as his breath felt like fire on her throat, "I am to be your slave, Havrok?"
His teeth found her ear, and she couldn't help herself she relaxed against him as he nibbled on it, "-A- slave, lovely one, in most things, Warlords in fact SHARE. Such barbarity, eh?"
Depsite the sarcasm in his voice she stiffened. tried to pull away, "So any of you...."
Again he nibbled on her ear a moment, forcing her to relax, playing her non-arrahn instincts like a musician playing his instrument. "Anyone Kovus wants, at all. He has always been the Master, female. You would do well to never permit yourself to forget it."
She felt herself nodding, and then Havrok's free hand moving between her thighs again, to tease the sensitive nub there as he spoke in her ear.
"If he chooses one you see as male...it will be. If he chooses one who is, but who isn't, to your thoughts... He will either have it anyway...or CHANGE your thoughts. If he wishes one of your OWN KIND...the same. And if he wishes some being from beyond understanding...I look forward to such 'man's' conquest and subjugation to Master's will. But what is ENDING is your defiance of Master Kovus' will, on any level."
She nodded and said softly, "Yes Havrok."
And she felt him slide out of her and turn her around to face him, the fingers of his right hand combing her hair out of her face, "Using my name. Good girl." and his lips sought hers with all the passion in him.
Her knees went weak as he held the kiss til she was breathless. then he breathed in her ear, "Continue and you will do at least a drop better than otherwise."
She shivered in a confusing mix of fear, lust, and trust, "Yes Havrok, Dancer will remember."
Again he kissed her, his fingers playing in her hair, teasing her body so very skillfully, she wanted, needed, she didn't know what. His voice her only guide now, "Dancer will remember many things of how she is to....Please....her superiors."
She looks up into his eyes, her own confused, it's so much, to much, she doesn't know what it all means, so she asks one question, a single word question, "Bayon?"
He nuzzled her neck for a moment before turning her around saying almost gently now, "Obey, Female."
He sheathed himself inside her again, the way that felt right to her, from behind, like a stallion mounting a mare, yet she's still unsure, "Bayon?"
His hands carress her softly, "You are permitted to speak, Dancer."
Her voice shakes, "What is Dancer supposed to do, Havrok, what does HE want Dancer to do?"
He pulls her up, pressing her back to his chest, his shaft still inside her, turning them both towards the bed and breathing in her ear, "You will be PLEASING to the MALE who HAS you...Female. And you wouldn't DARE defy even the slight NOTION of that, now WOULD you..."
"Not with you Havrok, Dancer has always trusted you"
Again his breath in her ear, "Fortunate for Dancer, then...for this night, she will be Havrok's SLAVE...And all the MORE delicious, if possible...for now she can THINK about what's happening to her...And SUBMIT, to his every WHIM."
He nipped her throat, her chin, so like a stallion, Kaja trembles, "Havrok wants Dancer to think? To act like his T'chi'ona instead of how she did in Rava?"
He growled in her ear, turned her head so he could taste her lips again, breathed truth against her flesh, "If Dancer THINKS...she can -fear-, as well as DESIRE. Mindless craving...can be delicious. But submitting to her MALE'S WILL... KNOWING how much he OWNS her, knowing what he does to her mind when she stands before him..."
She has to ask it, "Are you Bayon?" Knowing without knowing how he understands the Shar'rin word. She can't quite understand all he's talking about.
He smiles as he rolls himself inside her and nibbles on her ear once more, "If that is what I must be, to be an authority you MUST obey, beneath the EMPEROR'S absolute authority."
Kaja nods slowly, "Bayon is to be obeyed unless Bayo says otherwise." a shar'rin female obeys her lover unless her mate says otherwise, always and forever, the law of instinct.
Havrok breaths again in her ear, "What is more than Bayo."
"The N'Bayo, the lead stallion of the herd."
"And above him?"
"The An'Bayo, the patriarch of all herds."
Havrok's voice is very gentle, almost seductive as he nibbles on her ear, plays with her flesh, "Kovus is above the An'Bayo, He is Tegatane. And the only one, with that title."
Kaja leans against Havrok's chest, enjoying the fact he holds her so tight against him, "Yes Bayon, Dancer trusts her Bayon."
"Dancer is pleasing. Dancer will -continue- to be pleasing, won't she."
His breath felt like silken fire on her skin, "Dancer is not permitted to be ashamed of her nature, as a Female. As Shar'rin, as slave to a Warlord."
before she could reply she felt him shove her down onto the bed, and he drove himself all the way into her, his hand going to the back of her neck and clamping down hard enough til she could almost feel a stallions jaws. "Dancer will RELISH...what she is...or face PUNISHMENT for DEFYING her male's will. Does Dancer, does S'Kaja'a Asha'a -obey-...?"
It was almost to much pleasure for her, it felt so RIGHT to have her neck held in a vice grip just short of pain as a male plundered her sex drove her towards pleasure or pain, HIS choice, not hers, "Dancer obeys, though she doesn't always understand. Bayon wishes Dancer's pleasure?"
He chuckled then, "Oh yes, bayon will have it, Pleasure and place."
"Dancer can trust Havrok, he still protects her, like a Bayon should."
There was an almost purr in that vice, "So long as Dancer, Kaja, is loyal, and -obeys-..."
"yes Bayon, if Dancer isn't she knows Bayon will correct her."
The pleasure increased as he started moving his hips in strange patterns and made her hips move in counter-point. It was getting harder to think, "Such a GOOD girl, aren't you, Dancer, Kaja, T'chi'ona...but remember Bayon will correct...but 'Tega'...will do what he WANTS. To her Bayon...to the world...to children...or to her, a new young woman."
"Yes Bayon, and please, when we are done, can you hold me, just hold me."
Was there a slight tremor in his voice, "Since you have known to request, female...it shall be."
His hands moved across her body again, playing her like a musical instrument, making her shiver, but she was almost shocked to realize the fear had gone away.
All she felt now was desire, and as if to confirm this realization Havrok spoke into her ear, "Now: feel yourself...in full knowledge of yourself, AS a WOMAN...fall into -passionate L..SEX-...with your MALE..."
And she obeyed, feeling him taking her and her body responding, he guided her hips and soon she realized it was EXACTLY like the dances they used to do so long ago in the club, only without the footwork.
Having sex with Havrok was EXACTLY like how they danced before he had become a Warlord, and neither of them had known. If she had, if only she had. But they knew now, and she realized it was enough
He whispered to her, soft words, "Pleasing." and "Good Girl" over and over as she danced with him with all the passion they once shared so long ago.
And finally she felt herself shatter into a thousand blades of light as pleasure flooded her, "OH HAVROK, PLEASE, it feels SOOOOOO Good. Please bayon, OH GOD, please....please."
He growled softly, "...pl...ease...??" asking her she could tell.
"Please Teach me, help me."
And she felt him redouble his thrusts, and she screamed silently as her body flooded with even more intense feelings. She couldn't speak, couldn't think
"Yeah...that's a GOOD girl...So desperate to PLEASE, aren't you female..." He voice was breathy, his body as sweat soaked as hers. She couldn't speak just whimper pleasingly as he spoke again, "Yeah......anything...I WANT...and you'll be EVER so quick to BEG to do it...Anything BAYON says... Submit...OBEY...please..."
She couldn't help it she twisted in his hands, her body pushed beyond anything she knew, she thrust herself back against him with a craving she didn't know she could have with anyone but her Bayo.
This felt good, felt right and she howled finally, "BAYON!!" And collapsed under him, his hands on her hips the only thing keeping them up.
And she heard him scream in reply as he filled her, "OH DANCER." And he let himself come to rest on top of her, her on her belly on the bed, him on her back, kissing her neck.
They lay like that, entwined for several minutes, then she said softly, "Thank you Havrok, for being here for me."
He rolled off her then turned her so she faced him. He smiled at her, it was a strange smile, at once so very gentle and kind, yet it also reminded her of a predator, it comforted her more than she could say.
"Seven's more accurate you know. I am a Warlord Dancer."
She shook her head, "To me, you are always Havrok, who I can always trust, and who has ALWAYS been a Man in my eyes. Something no one else here is."
"No, female. They are all men. Or perhaps...all except one."
"Not to me. To me, Only YOU are.....Any of THEM would feel like...." and she can't say it, that it would feel like she was sleeping with an animal. Or that the thought of having sex with Kovus made as much sense to her as wanting to sleep with a Messenger.
"They're anything BUT that, female. Shadow sources must have...essence. Intellect. Higher planar things. Animals can have the Shadow. They cannot conduit it. Unless you were to say it would feel like mating with a demon. That...a bit more humorously accurate." Humorous: one way to look at it...
"With Kovus, OH YES. The others....it's like they are......To alien. Kovus is MORE than Male The others.....they are to alien to be male."
He stroked her cheek and kissed her forehead, "And yet I am not?"
"You've always been male to me. I used to wish sometimes that you would ask me out."
His expression, if anything, was darker than it was before. Not...'mean'...to her anyway...but a calm prepossession based in something...dark. Mmm. I doubt it would've ended well." His voice sounded almost regretful.
"I don't know. I was considering telling you the truth about me. That is aside."
He put a finger on her lips to silence her, "The night he walked in, there were the results of care between us, if outside his rules. I came for you. He was there first. And the notion of challenging him made him laugh. Working out encryption algorithms by hand is much easier than reading...him."
Kaja would lean her head back as far as she could, trying to tell him how much she cared about him, not sure if he understood "If I hadn't met...Chren.....I would have been happy with you, Bayon."
His voice was so tender as were his hands as he caressed her face again, "You flatter me, female."
"Does Dancer ever lie to Havrok?"
He smiled again. Very lightly. "No, she does not."
"If Dancer hadn't met Chren, she would have been happy with you."
He'd glance away, then, at that name. Knowing what it meant, really. Ever knowing. the both of them. "What might have been. But better this way."
"We will never know, Bayon." and she caressed his cheek gently, then she pressed her lips to his softly, "We will never know what would be, only what is. Dancer still cares about Havrok, no matter what he has become."
For a moment, the...buried...qualities came to the surface. And he actually looked...slightly sad...after she said that. Then it was gone. "Thank you."
Kaja's face would again go vulnerable, the unsure woman-child, and she burries her head against that shoulder, "can you hold me now? Like we didn't have to worry abut tomorrow."
"Obey, and you don't have to, female. But, as you desire." And he...would do exactly that. Hold her, in an admittedly 'masculine', almost protective fashion. Possessive, even.
And she would almost melt against him taking comfort in it
And in a room far away from the pair, Kovus T'ar Tegatane paused in his self training regiment and listened for a moment.
Then he nodded to himself, smiled, and went back to work.