Chapter 50

"So how's the summer been for you so far?" Belle asked, I was laying on my bed staring at my ceiling while on the phone with her. It has been summer for all of three weeks and I'm already bored out of my mind.

"It's pretty boring. I haven't done much, baby keeps me up all night and so I don't do much during the day," I glanced over at Ana and smiled affectionately. My beautiful little girl was actually calm for now. She's actually pretty good, doesn't cry too much except when she's not tired anymore and wants to be held.

"Ahh yes the life of having a baby," I chuckled a little at that.

"Yeah girl. How's your break?" I rolled onto my stomach and started fiddling with the edge of my blanket.

"It's good! My mom took me to the spa the other day because she said I've been really mature lately dealing with things that have happened. She knows about the shooting and I mean when I think about it there's been a lot of stuff in the past school year, and I mean I'm a little scarred for life after that night."

"Yeah, it's been quite the year for everyone I feel. I never thought about that, I feel like if I had been there, I'd still be having nightmares or something. How are you doing?" the possibility that all my friends would feel crazy afterwards never even crossed my mind.

"I'm fine. It all happened really fast, and I'm pretty resilient to be honest. It is nightmare worthy on some nights, but I've always been a pretty carefree don't let things get to me kind of gal ya know," I smiled at that, it was definitely the truth. She and I were polar opposites in so many ways.

"Yeah I know, you're the toughest cookie I know."

"Yeah? I'm a real tough cookie?" she giggled.

"Yep. With a long history."

"Of breaking little hearts!"

"Like the one in me!" I said it a little loud and quickly put my hand to my mouth hoping I didn't wake up Ana. I glanced over and saw that she still napping, so I let out a little giggle. I heard Belle giggle too and not for the last time wished we could be together in person.

I felt like I was on repeat. I can't keep constantly feeling miserable being here; but liking it here at the same time. I need to get my shit together, because I know I'm here for the long run.

"I'm going to the beach tomorrow."

"Oh yeah? With?"

"Jason and Tristan."


"Dude, it's the three of us."

"Belly, we both know Tristan is gonna be a third wheel," I smiled, Tristan actually mentioned something about this the other day. They've all been hanging out and apparently lately he's feeling really third wheelish.

"Hardly. If anyone is a third wheel it's me. Like they've got quite the romance going on."

"Isn't it called a bromance?" I raised a brow, despite her not being able to see.

"Not in this case. If you're not careful you're gonna lose that boy," she laughed, and I smirked.

"I think I could handle it in that case. I don't think I could even be jealous, because Jason did see him first after all."

"That is very true."

"But I'm gonna say that it won't be happening."

"Ahh who knows! But I should go get something done today!"

"Such as?"

"A bikini wax haha I have an appointment."

"Do you not do that at the spa?" she did say her mom had taken her the other day.

"If you think I'm gonna get a bikini wax with my mom in the other room you are crazy. Mani Pedi's is all I'm allowing her to be around for."

"Apparently you and your mom have more boundaries than me and my mom," I said as I got up to look out the window. I was contemplating going swimming; I bought floaties for Ana the other day so I could.

"You know we do, but it's not like you even go waxing."

"Because I don't feel the need to? Feminism!" I turned away from the window and leaned against my wall. I had the worst time keeping still while on the phone, but I didn't want to walk around.

"That's not why."

"Fine, because I don't get laid every weekend."

"Haha, neither do I."

"Every second weekend?"

"If you must know it's been about two months since I've gotten laid," I wasn't that shocked, she normally told me when she hooked up with someone and she hasn't talked about anyone lately.

"Woah, I remember when there was a time you couldn't go one weekend without it," if I had been with her I would have winked.

"You make me sound like a slut."

"I don't believe in such words!"

"Okay there dear. But yes that is why you don't get waxed," her saying that made me frown. I mean I'm allowed to not want to wax whether I have sex or not.

"I wouldn't even if I was."

"Good! Do what you want. If you don't want to wax then don't, I see nothing wrong with that. So don't change it."

"I won't. Feminism!"

"Ha yeah feminism. Whatever the reason though, don't succumb to societies expectations, for anything. You're too good for that shit."

"You too."

"It's too late for me, but I really should go! Appointment in half an hour! Bye love!" She said before hanging up. I turned to stare out the window for a little while, just thinking about things.

Thinking about things has always put me in depressing moods, so there won't be any more of that this summer. I'm not going to think or look back on all the time Belle and I went to the beach together, or camping, or swimming in the public pool, or anything else! I need to realize my life is here now.

As my luck would have it Ana decided to wake up and I couldn't help but smile. She takes my time up and I'm grateful for how she distracts me.

I went over to her crib and picked her up. As soon as my hands went around her smiled her big toothless smile, and I could see her eyes sparkle. This little girl is my entire world, who else is ever going to be that happy to see me?

I walked with her downstairs to ask my family if they wanted to go swimming. There was a private pool a few blocks away, that we decided to sign up for. My parents thought it would be best to use the private pool over the public pool because we had Ana and even Claire. Claire likes to wander off a lot but with less people we should be able to keep our eyes on her.

"Hey guys, what are your plans for today?" my parents were sitting with Claire watching a show. My parents looked up at me but Claire was totally enthralled in the show.

"This," my mom laughed point at the TV, and I couldn't help but raise my brows and glace at it. The show they were watching was some kid show.

"Sounds boring."

"And your plans are so much better?" my dad asked smirking and looking between Ana and me.

"Well I was planning on going to the pool. I haven't been yet, and I want us all to go," I walked over to them and sat between them on the couch. Claire was, as she always is, sitting on the floor.

"We could do that. It would be nice to get out of the house. It's a beautiful day. What do you say to that Claire?" my mom asked looking down at her. Claire looked up at us with questioning eyes, what a weird little girl she was.


"Want to go to the pool?" Claire's eyes lit up at just the mention of the pool, so I'm going to guess that was a yes.

"Yesyesyes!" I was right. She was jumping up and down and we all giggled, even Ana did. That was nice, she was slowly warming up to Claire and Claire was slowly realizing that she couldn't get too close or too loud.

"Okay! Go upstairs and grab your bathing suit then!" my mom said to Claire after getting down to her level, and then she got up and looked at me. "You too, get one for Ana obviously, along with the wings and everything else she needs. Your dad and I will get the towels and sunscreen.

"Okay!" I turned around and was about to run up the stairs and then I realized that I had a baby in my arms. I laughed a little then started walking up. I could already hear Claire running around her room to her dresser.

We got to the pool and showed them our membership cards and within minutes we were changing into our bathing suits.

I put Ana's on while my mom was putting on hers, after she was finished I handed her Ana so I could change into mine. Claire was putting on her wings while my mom was putting Ana's wings on.

"Alright ladies! Lets lather up. Your dad has another bottle so use as much as we need to!" my mom handed Claire the bottle of sunscreen to put on herself, and then Claire handed me the bottle when she was finished.

It took a few minutes but eventually we were ready to head out to the pool! I was actually really excited; I hadn't been swimming since last summer.

"About time girls!" my dad exclaimed jokingly when we walked out of the change room. My mom punched him lightly on the shoulder and smiled. This is what I loved about my parents, they were still playful and still into showing how in love they were. I mean yeah they fight, but they're amazing together, and are a real team.

"Excuse me, but by my calculation there are four girls and only one boy. It also just so happens that two girls are little and need a lot of help getting ready," both my parents laughed and Claire was tugging on my hand trying to pull me away.

"Can we go swim now?!" she asked while looking up at me, I smiled down at her and nodded.

There weren't too many people here so it was nice. We all headed over to the kiddie pool and got in.

As soon as we were in I checked to see how Ana seemed to feel about the water. At first she seemed a little shocked and unsure but she warmed up to it.

It was nice splashing with the family. My family had been close forever, but with having to deal with Ana so often I felt like I haven't been able to hang out with them fully in a little while.

It was the best day with my family, with sun shining and the birds chirping. I was happy without feeling weighed down with memories of home.

Author's note: Ahh here is chapter 50! wooo. I've been off for two weeks and this short little chapter is the result of that time off...pathetic i know.

I'm going back to school tomorrow! and by that i mean on Monday and i'm just going back to the city in which my school is in tomorrow. i'm going to be very sad! it also means the next chapter probably won't written until the end of April because I don't have another decent time break. But hey! at the end of April i will be done school! FOREVER. if i so choose it to be. Either way i'll be finished college and boy am i nervous! i wanna stay in the city i am but i need to find a job and place to live! and i only have like two months. i need a job asap.

I am also having the worst luck with boys! of course i should stop meeting and making out with them while drunk..chances are i'd have better luck meeting boys not at a club. but sometimes i think i find a good guy and then they turn out to be major assholes...normally before i get too attached though! so yay. anyways i hope everyone enjoys the updates on my life...and i would love to know things about my readers! or at least the ones who get this far and don;t want to off themselves after reading this! haha.

Anyways, read&review and i'll love you forever and ever!