"Tea Party" movement draws British support
BRITAIN—The recent "Tea Party" movement received a sudden and unexpected wave of support from last week as a grassroots network of British citizens, delighted at the idea that Americans may be switching to a more cultured morning beverage of choice, pledged over two million pounds to help fund the movement, much of which will go to helping the movement find out how much two million pounds is worth in American dollars. The movement, which takes its name from the Boston Tea Party, has been lauded by pundits for its innovative imrovement on the American legacy of resisting taxation without representation by an outside power by resisting taxation with representation by a domestic, elected government. While the British donations were made too recently for a truly rational explanation to come up, Oxford College political science professor Morty N. Biscuits gives an early explanation.
"One does not often see the mainstream British population actively supporting an American political group, and so one should not be alarmed if such a development strikes one as somewhat curious. However, after such close examination that an Oxford College political science professor such as myself should be able to give, one detects certain patterns emerging which facilitate an early explanation." When this reporter kindly asked him to get on with it, Prof. Biscuits promptly and cheerfully continued pontificating. "There does, however, seem to be a major division within the British support network for your so-called "Tea Party" movement, the first group of which comprises British nationalists, who appear to be pleased that Americans seem to be finally accepting the inherent superiority and cultured sophistication of our stereotypical national beverage, and the second group of which comprises British entrepreneurs, who see in the new American demand for tea an available market. So, I rather expect that you lot across the pond should expect to see some stiff competition against your Starbucks some time soon. Tea is on the rise, you shall see. YOU SHALL SEE! MUAHAHAAAA!"
After narrowly avoiding becoming part of Prof. Biscuits's personal collection, this reporter returned to the United States to examine the "Tea Party" movement's response to the largesse their unexpected British allies. Although this reporter admittedly was in a bit of a hurry and so probably didn't check his sources well enough (is Wikipedia acceptable?), it seems that responses are surprisingly mixed.
On one hand, the movement's leadership seems grateful for the additional money, although one member, who wished to remain unnamed, lamented that "they could have converted it to American for us. That would have been nice." However, certain more conservative members of the movement have accepted the donation more hesitantly. "Well, I know they want to help us," claimed "Tea Party" leader Watsthis T. Stuff, "but I'm not entirely sure we should accept that help. I mean, our movement takes its name from…what was it…I think it was the Bunstun Tea Party, when a few brave citizens of the ancient heartland of America decided that they didn't like being taxed by some country that's not America. But now, a completely different non-America country wants to help us? I don't know if I can just stand by and let that happen. It would make me feel somehow less American to touch money not from America."