Mister Momo's Magical Hat

Good evening, good gentlemen and ladies

And what a sale I have for you tonight!

Y'know, war's a business rather bloody.

Soldiers shot to nasty bits in the fight

And blasted down (some would say) to Hades.

Time to time, they get their jumpers muddy.

But now, brave comrades-in-charms, have no fear!

Mister Momo's made a magical hat

So shiny and black and dapper and tall

That'll protect you, save you from all that.

This here top hat keeps you forever clear

From bullets and buzzers and bombs and all.

Brave masters, I see your hesitation

Regarding the wearing of spiffy chapeaux

In the face of such terrible assaults.

But know that this is the best…um…cap-o

For all and eve'ry situation

Up to and including those sacrifice cults.

This hat carries such a powerful magic

It can stop a dragon or three freight trains

Or let you conjure a pair of white wings

To make you fly (but only when it rains).
You'll never die a death young and tragic

Wearing one of Momo's special hat things.

Momo's new hat uses a special field

Newly created and newly designed

That stops those bullets and bombs in their tracks.

You can be merry and have peace of mind

When one of these hats on your head you do wield.

It's proven by science; know that it's a fact.

There's one caveat, a little warning

For ye who would wear such a marvel as this.

If you trust not the magical truth,

You'll not fear at first that aught is amiss.

Don you the hat, but then come the morning

You still disbelieve, then look, sir! Forsooth!

All record of you shall be gone in a flash,

Leaving behind just a thin trace of ash.