Mister Momo's Magical Hat
Good evening, good gentlemen and ladies
And what a sale I have for you tonight!
Y'know, war's a business rather bloody.
Soldiers shot to nasty bits in the fight
And blasted down (some would say) to Hades.
Time to time, they get their jumpers muddy.
But now, brave comrades-in-charms, have no fear!
Mister Momo's made a magical hat
So shiny and black and dapper and tall
That'll protect you, save you from all that.
This here top hat keeps you forever clear
From bullets and buzzers and bombs and all.
Brave masters, I see your hesitation
Regarding the wearing of spiffy chapeaux
In the face of such terrible assaults.
But know that this is the best…um…cap-o
For all and eve'ry situation
Up to and including those sacrifice cults.
This hat carries such a powerful magic
It can stop a dragon or three freight trains
Or let you conjure a pair of white wings
To make you fly (but only when it
You'll never die a death young and tragic
Wearing one of Momo's special hat things.
Momo's new hat uses a special field
Newly created and newly designed
That stops those bullets and bombs in their tracks.
You can be merry and have peace of mind
When one of these hats on your head you do wield.
It's proven by science; know that it's a fact.
There's one caveat, a little warning
For ye who would wear such a marvel as this.
If you trust not the magical truth,
You'll not fear at first that aught is amiss.
Don you the hat, but then come the morning
You still disbelieve, then look, sir! Forsooth!
All record of you shall be gone in a flash,
Leaving behind just a thin trace of ash.