Closer Then Ever
I feel you closer then ever before, your voice louder then before. Maybe you are just trying more, being more obvious for my benefit. I do like it, I soar off the ground. I'll tell you more about that later. I heard you, even though I may not have responded before. It wasn't that I didn't want to answer you. I would have laughed at ever little joke, hung on all your observations like a vine clinging to its' mother tree. It is just, you see, I'm completely broken. There I've said it, Hallelujah.
You want to help me. You want to help where professionals have given up. I made up a name for myself, I'm 'carefully insane,' like it?
I don't want you to get me wrong, you are not responsible for my being broken.
I just think I have hurt you by not reacting the way you expected me too. You're always in my peripheral vision, and I do notice you. I've just slowed down, needed to breath, to stay alive long enough to be with you. And I'm so tired. I'm sorry, this is all too confusing. What I really want, my wish for blowing out candles on cakes, to shooting stars is easy. I want to hear those words from your lips again. I want to hear that you feel so hot, whispered into my ear even if only over the phone. I know we are separate by space, but not by other worlds. Remember that moment? I do, silly, no one has ever felt hot for me before you.
I love you and I will always love you. I know you have your demons. I know them well.
If your smile attracted me, then it was your demons that seduced me. I am completely under your spell and I feel that frightens you because you don't always feel in control of your magic. Then do with me what you will, my feelings will not fade as the sun sets. This spark will glow as a perfect ember of love lying in wait for the kiss, the touch, the moment necessary for us to ignite.
There are few who would ever experience what we would together. I'm sure lovers through the centuries have spoken such words. But I believe you have never met the pain such as I carry, it is addictive, I promise. Careful Insanity is what I call it, remember? I have never allowed myself the simple pleasures, the daily joys, the god given rights. Can you comprehend this? This is an un-travelled path through two life times. Will you travel it with me?
So why do I wait? I think you understand , I hope you do anyway.
I notice you in the distance and when you call, I soar through the sky, past the clouds, and into the great beyond of happiness. Finally, a day later, I flutter down like a leaf on warm breeze, back to earth. Where I lay in wait for the next time the breeze of your contact lifts me again.
Until we touch, I sleep.