I had this idea stuck in my head and I needed to get it out so I can get back to my other fics. Please note, this is not serious.

Oh, I have shot myself in the foot now. I mean, I'm really in the s***! You would think I would be happy, new job and all. New town, too. New life. But that's the problem, I liked my old life. Though it's not like this has been my first life or anything. But that doesn't really change anything, anyway. I botched it all up. Everything. You see, my people have an awful lot of very stupid rules.

Rule one - you don't kill the humans. You don't even get to eat them any more. You have to get this stupid, icky tasting bottled blood. Blech. You can see why I was never really one for following rules. And that's just what got me into this mess.

But lets ignore that, because it really doesn't make me look very good. Allow me to introduce myself, I am... come to think of it, telling you that may not be such a good idea. The sort of stuff I tend to get up to could get me in a lot of trouble. It's not like you could threaten my loved ones or anything, but better to be safe than sorry. You can just call me Pandora. I like that name, but I doubt it really matters what you call me, as long as it isn't derogatory. Well, heck, I think I could probably handle a few mean names, though some people might get hurt as a result. Of course, I tend hurt people any way, but that's irrelevant. You shall know me as Pandora from now on, and this is my story. Unless I've gone crazy and this is all in my head, then it's still my story, it's just a work of fiction.

Wow, whoever would have thought my mind's so messed up. Yes, okay, a lot of people, there's no need to rub my face in it. Anyway, we'll start this story at the... well... at the beginning. Sort of. I was walking down a random street, of which I never bothered to learn the name. I could smell blood, thick in the air, and it was driving me crazy. I never had much self control. Oh, and I'm a vampire, did I forget to mention that? I think I may have. I'm also a bit of a scatter-brain, I think. I can't remember whether that's me, or somebody else. Am I getting off track? Right, where were we? Walking down a random street, smelling blood, and -oh, right, the bridge. I passed under a bridge, old stone covered in moss, barely looking like it should be holding itself together. Well, half-way under, anyway, before colliding painfully with a young man running stupidly fast in the dark. He knocked us both sprawling, tumbling into the tiny canal. And he was bleeding; he might as well have jumped in with sharks for all my restraint. But, hey, I managed to not eat him, at least.

He pulled himself out of the lake, dripping wet, not even bothering to lend me a hand. Not much of a gentleman. Ah well, they taste funny anyway... Ah! No thinking about blood! That will not end well! Sorry about that, people. Like I said, I'm not the best vamp out there. Or the best story teller. I tend to get sidetracked, and forget what I'm saying, and... Bah! I'm doing it again. Look, the guy knocked me in the canal, got out, left me in the water, and ran off. Or, well, tried to run off; limped, actually. A sprained ankle, by the looks of it, serves the prat right. I pulled myself from the water, my best top was soaked through and ruined. I really wanted to punch the guy. "Hey, douchebag, aren't you even going to apologise?" I called after him, but the prick ignored me. So I leaped after him, intending to break his other ankle, and slammed him against a wall. He looked shocked at first, but fear and panic quickly replaced it. "You're one of them!" he gasped, trying to back away despite the fact it was evidently impossible.

I was a little confused as to who 'they' are at first. Then I remembered that I'm a vampire with big fangs and red eyes. That just about says it all really. He tried to make a cross with his fingers, like he expected that to actually work. "The power of Christ compels you" he squeaked, still terrified. It was almost funny, in a pathetic kind of way. "Hey, look, man, don't throw me in any more canals, alright?" I snapped, giving him a half-hearted slap on the face and leaving him to scramble away. I turned back to drag myself back home, since I started my new job in just under a days time. Nightschool, would you believe it? Me, a teacher! I makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Okay, so, technically, this particular nightschool is full of freaks, but that's beside the point. Letting me loose in a school is like throwing them all into a shark tank at feeding time. God I could really go for some blood right now. Gah! I'm thinking of it again!