Prologue:

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."


1. Stone Cold

Connor. Connor Regan. Her last name actually sounded more feminine than her first. It's like her parents always wanted a boy, always wanted to use that name and even when the gender of their last baby proved to in fact be a girl, they just couldn't pass it up. She was their last shot after all.

Katelyn Nicole Regan and Anna Belle Regan were already born. And the Regan's first "son" was their last child. And the name Connor was indefinitely decided already. No going back there. She didn't even have a middle name. They couldn't even spare her a girl's middle name. When she asked them once, why she didn't have one, they had said that would have taken off the whole "edge" to it. It's not like she was bitter about it or anything.

The almost deafening sound of her phone vibrating broke her out of her revere.

I'm here. And not in the mood to wait 20 minutes this time so hurry up.

She sneered. How fucking sweet.

She walked down the stairs slowly, hating how he had nerve to tell her to hurry up. But it only took her all of a minute which wouldn't have pissed him off anyway. Scowling, she didn't bother to yell out a goodbye and instead slammed the door behind her. They'd know who left.

She opened and slammed Jason's car door just as forcefully when she reached him.

He threw her a startled look. "What bit you in the ass this morning?"

"Nothing." She grumbled.

"That time of the month already?"

She was ten seconds close from slapping him across the face before realization hit her hard.

"Yeah, actually I think it is." She mumbled quietly.

He smirked and off they were, driving a wee bit past the speed limit.

"Stop glaring at my windshield. You're gonna burn a hole threw it." He said after a few minutes of silence.

"Maybe that would be good for you. You spend too much time on this damn thing, anyway."

He gasped in mock horror. "How dare you! This is my baby!"

She rolled her eyes but finally cracked a smile. "Yeah I know. You seriously need a girlfriend though. You're becoming way too much of a loser."

"Well, if it isn't the pot calling the kettle black."

She smacked his arm. "Take that back!"

He laughed low and hard. "I only speak the truth, Connie."

She glared at him. "Do you have a death wish?"

His only response was a slow growing smile.

Jason had been her best friend since Pre-k. And she knew him well enough to know when he liked a girl. And sure enough that suspicion was right. Some chick named Ana had caught his attention but she was head over heels in love with whatshisname and Jason stood no chance. For some reason that irked her. The bitch totally led him on.

Well, not really. But still she didn't like it. It's not like Jason spent a month locked in his room balling his eyes out or something but she could tell he was seriously bummed out and a quick glance toward him now proved that he was also currently thinking about her…

"Ana again?" She asked with a bit of an edge in her voice. Jeez. Her hormones were acting up bad.

He gave her a startled look. "How..?"

She sighed. "I know you, Jason. Simple."

"You need to get your own car, Con." He said after a while, changing the subject entirely.

She let it slide, knowing he didn't want to press the matter.

"I'm working on it. What, sick of me already?" She teased.

He shot a cocky grin at her. "Never."


When they arrived at school they parted their separate ways and she wanted more than anything to have at least one classwith him.

She hated living here. Boston would have been ideal. But it seemed she was always cheated out of something. Katie had went there and Annie to good ol' sunny Florida. They were each two years apart. Katie, the oldest, now was twenty-five and Annie, the middle child, was now twenty-three. And her. Well, she was a messily twenty-one. Mom and Dad sure liked having things kept in order. And that included their children. She shook her head, willing herself not to get into that now.

St. John's wasn't all that bad though and she had a few friends here outside of Jason. But she felt like something was seriously lacking. What it was she wasn't sure of. But something was missing.

But before she could contemplate further into whatever it is she thought her life was desperately missing out on someone deliberately stood in front of her, blocking her way. She looked up. Harlen Evans.

He was tall, with fair skin skin, tangled light brown-almost blonde-hair, dark pink, bowed lips that blatantly suggested sex, and gold-green eyes set in long dark lashes. Honestly he was beautiful. But Harlen had an arrogance about him that was clear in the way he presented him self. He was more than just self assured-he was a down right cocky son of a bitch. He rarely ever smiled, more on the lines of smirked all the time or sneered, and he was manipulative. He was also selfish and spoiled and thought the world revolved around him. And she also had lost her virginity to him back in the summer of her senior year of high school.

Harlen's gold-green eyes lazily swept over her and he smirked. "Well, look who it is. Seems like you've been doing your best to avoid me for what, about five years now?"

Yes, that was about correct. After that incident…they hadn't spoken much. And it wasn't one of those heart wrenching tales of him disposing of her. She doubted he wanted more than that one time they had in the first place and to be frank she didn't want anything more either or any more no strings attached sex escapades. One time was plenty enough for her.

"Mmm, yes, that's about right." And she moved to go around him.

"Look little girl-"

"I have a name you poor excuse for a man." She spat.

He smirked. "That's right. Cassandra, was it?"

She said nothing but continued walking only to be abruptly stopped as he stood in front of her again.

She sighed and looked up at him. "What do you want?"

He gave her a feigned look of hurt. "That was a bit rude. Anyway, I wanted to know if you would like to accompany me to Rebecca Traube's party tonight."

What the hell was he playing at? She seriously hadn't talked to Harlen in well, five years.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Why? What is it that you want?"

"Is the feel of you presence not enough?"

She was starting to lose her patience. "Evans-"

"Okay, okay. To be quite honest I've had a hard time getting you out of my head since well, you know."

She snorted. "That was five years ago. Don't bullshit me."

"I was looking for the right moment to approach you!"

"And five years later asking me to go to one of Rebecca's trashy parties is the right time?" She asked inodorously.

"I thought so."

She glared at him. "You're an outright arrogant prick, you know that?"

He had a hard time not laughing at her because she was rather amusing when she was angry but instead he forced what he hoped was a smile. Laughing at her wouldn't do him any good. "Now, now. There's no need for name calling. You could just say no."

She smiled, "Okay then. No," and again she moved to go around him.

He sighed and grabbed her arm. "I didn't mean that seriously. Look, you lost your virginity to me. I may not have been your last but I'll always be your first. No changing that and I highly doubt you forgot it no matter how much of an arrogant prick you think I am. Anyway, my point is there must have been some reason you were so willing to give me what most girls consider the most sacred part of them. You're not that stone cold are you, Regan?"

She stood there motionless for a moment and just stared at him, her shock at his words plain on her face. There had been a reason. It was a reason she didn't like to even think about in her own head. She'd be dammed if she let Harlen Evans of all people for fucks sake know!

She glanced down at his hand on her arm. "No, I'm not that stone cold as you so nicely put it. But if you would like to keep your hand attached to your body I suggest you remove it from me right now."

He sighed but removed his hand. "Just think about it, okay?"

He started backing up, walking backwards in the direction she had originally came from and she watched him go with heated eyes all the while hoping a car would just speed down across campus and run him over. He smirked as if he knew her exact thoughts.

And before he was out of earshot he yelled, "What's the worst that can happen?" before he turned his back on her and walked further away.

She stood there staring after him until he was out of sight and until she realized what a complete idiot she must have looked like and angrily stomped her way in the direction she had originally intended on going before he had so rudely interrupted her. But as she made her way to class she thought over the last words he had said.

Connor shook her head, deciding that a lot, a lot of bad things could happen.


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~Beansz~